I Am Lenn – Chapter Seven

With an additional blanket, a large drink of water, and the introduction of a small heater in the corner of the room, Ian and James left me to sleep. I didn’t fall unconscious for days at a time, fortunately. Instead, I slept fairly regularly during the night and through most of the day, letting the rest of the week and some of the next slip out from under me. During the afternoons and evenings, Ian spent time with me, if not at my side then sitting on the end of the bed doing homework or playing one of his video games. Most of the time I did not sense him, although occasionally his jostlings broke me from my rest. When I was awake, he would read to me from the scriptures or his phone. While I often didn’t feel well enough the first couple of days to comprehend the meaning of the stories he told me, I eventually regained sense enough to follow along.

Incomprehensible to me, Ian helped me do everything James and Catherine didn’t have time for, including feeding me breakfast and dinner. James, of course, changed my bandages and even kept an alarm on his phone to check on me during the night. No longer floating out of my mind and mumbling in Iatnasi, I slowly became more conscious.

By the time Wednesday of the following week rolled around, I was no longer physically devastated… but very very thirsty. I drank and drank but rarely needed to go to the bathroom. James prescribed strict bed rest, even though it was beginning to become uncomfortable laying down all day; Ian helped keep my bed adjusted and my body raised. James also allowed Ian to give me grape and apple juice, coconut juice (which I didn’t prefer nearly as much but accepted because of Catherine’s insistence of its healthiness), and many kinds of fruit I’d never eaten. One or two evenings when the family cooked beef or chicken, my mouth would water, but Ian would come into the room not with solid meat but with a small cup of broth. Not as satisfying as the real thing, but still eons beyond anything I’d ever tasted.

On Saturday, Ian told me he’d sleep in and thought I would do the same. But nearly two weeks in bed drove me to insanity, and I couldn’t take it anymore. The red-light clock read 8:14 when I shoved my blankets from myself and did my best to stretch. Several of my bones popped, and I found myself between a struggle of cool air from the vents and warm air from the heater. I much preferred the cool. So, for the first time in way too many days, I leaned my legs over the side of my blanket bed and sat up. My joints were more than happy to extend, and the slight sores on my shoulder bones and hips delighted at the ease of pressure.

I listened to the sounds in the house. I could hear no one. I slid on my bottom towards the edge of the bed and, testing my arms and my grip on the tied yarn fibers of the blanket, decided I had the strength to descend. With only a single minor slip-up, I felt my bare feet fall into cushioned carpet. Even on my spindly leg, the mere act of standing thrilled me.

I hobbled towards the partially-opened door when I immediately heard a giant’s footsteps emerge onto carpet and then onto hardwood.

“Ah, sulm,” I whispered sarcastically. As quickly as possible, I stepped forward and pressed my back on the white wall beside the door frame.

I expected the door to burst open, which was a fairly silly idea considering how responsibly Ian had been acting. Instead, the door creaked open, and I thought for sure the human would look down at me. But, sure enough, his gaze fell upon the bed. He walked forwards, his bare ivory feet sliding across the speckled carpet beside me; I didn’t have the heart or the energy to try to escape through the door and play hide-and-seek, so I simply stood there. He wore his pair of flannel pants as well as a blue shirt; I missed wearing a shirt of my own, and longed for the day I would wear one again.

“Lenn?” Ian said, bending over the bed. He slowly lifted up the blankets. “Lenn? Not again… Come on, where’d you go now? You’re supposed to be sleeping…”

Ian’s first reaction was to look under the bed. He knelt down and pulled up the blanket from the floor to peer underneath… As if I could be under there comfortably with my bandages on.

“Lenn? Lehhh-nn? Where aaaaarrre you?”

I laughed lightly (although it hurt my neck to do so), and Ian turned around.

“There you are,” he laughed. Ian rose straight up above me on his knees, and I stared at him for a moment. I smiled weakly.

“I’ll never get used to you looking down at me like that.”

Ian put his hands on his hips like a father scolding a child. “You shouldn’t be out of bed, mister. Remember what Dad told you? You’re going to pass out again.”

I copied his stance.

“No I won’t, mister. It feels so good to be on my feet again. I’m not dizzy anymore anyway. Come on, I want to go on a walk.”

“What if you get tired and sleep for forever again?”

“I won’t,” I replied. “Actually…”


“Can I go outside?”

Ian frowned.

“Why? People will see you.”

“In front of the house, yes. But what about the back? Your house has a fence, doesn’t it? I can see it through the dining room. Other Iatvi couldn’t see me there, could they?”

Ian hummed, tapping his finger against his chin.

“I guess our fence is tall enough…” he said. “What if I go ask Mom and Dad first?”

I shrugged.

“Yeah, they would know if it’s safe.”

“They’re probably still sleeping. Do you want to come with me to ask?”

Ian’s hands outstretched towards me.

“I’ll be okay,” I said, holding my hands up. “I’ll take a walk into the kitchen, and you can meet me there.”

“Promise you won’t fall over?”

“Come on, quit babying me. Although… I do wish I had my crutches.”

“Maybe I can make you some.”

“Or, maybe I can make some instead, if you find me some things I can use.”

“Yep, or that.”

Ian stepped back through the door and I followed after him at my own pace. I realized he was headed back towards the hallway in the direction of his room, but as I entered the dining room and looked, I saw the door at the very end of the hallway slightly opened with Ian leaning inside. It must have been James’ and Catherine’s bedroom. Almost a month, and I still hadn’t gotten the full tour. By the time I got to the table to rest against the closest wooden leg, Ian closed his parents’ room door and stepped back towards me.

“Dad says it’s all right as long as we don’t go too far from the porch. Further than that, and it might be dangerous. The kids that live next to us have a trampoline, and they’d be able to see you.”

“What’s a… tram-poe-leen?”

Ian stood over me, propping himself up with his hands on his knees.

“It’s a big black thing you jump on. The kids could jump super high, and they’d be able to see you over the fence.”

My mind didn’t quite form an image of something an Iatvi child could jump on that wouldn’t collapse into a pile, but if it indeed existed that close by… I didn’t want to risk too much just for a glimpse of the morning sun.

“That’s fine. I just want to feel sunlight again.”

Ian stepped beyond the dining room table to the ‘doors’ made of glass. Instead of opening in or out, one side slid sideways into the other. I followed after Ian as well as I could as he pulled the door open. Immediately, a blast of warm morning air poured into the kitchen. Ian stepped outside, and walked out to the very edge of a field of deep-green grass. He sat down, draped in sunlight that shone from the east. I awkwardly crossed the threshold, and Ian and I shared a patient smile.

My surroundings were positively surreal. I could comprehend the inside of a cavernous Iatvi household just fine, but seeing the amount of land a single family owned stretched out before me…

“What is that?” I asked, pointing. Beside the sliding door to my left was a colossal contraption that looked like a stainless steel cylinder held up by a set of strong black iron legs. Beneath it was another steel cylinder which connected to the upper cylinder with a looping black hose.

“What? Oh, the grill?”

“A grill? For cooking food? It’s huge.”

“Yup,” the boy said. “It’s Mom’s. She loves it.”

“Ouch,” I whispered, snagging my weak foot behind me and wobbling. The porch beyond the sliding doors was concrete. Smooth concrete for an Iatvi, but not for me.

“You okay?”


As I came close to the edge of the porch, Ian held out his hand to me. I leaned against it, easing the ache of my flimsy leg.

I stepped into the day. The sky was a bright and beautiful blue, marked with spots of evaporating clouds beyond the horizon of the Petersen’s crimson timber fence. My eyes could barely take in the glorious light. A long strip of rainbow-colored flowers grew at the edge of the fence, a set of four metal chairs sitting close to them shaded by a set of enormous leafy trees that grew at the edge of the yard. And between the far fence and myself was a field of the most glorious and verdant grass I had ever seen. The moment my feet sank into the lush foliage, I turned on my heels and fell backwards. Just as I thought it would, the springy and itchy surface cushioned my fall.

“Whoa,” Ian said, scooting himself backwards so the light could fall on me instead of his shadow. “I thought you fell for real this time.”

“Ahh…” I sighed, taking in as large a breath as I could. The air smelled fresh, and the warm and delicate breeze blowing across the lawn felt wonderful on my skin. “Your grass is amazing. How do you make it this green? And short?”

“Our sprinklers. And Dad fertilizes it, and cuts the grass with our lawnmower.”

“Does what now with what? What’s a lawnmower?”

Ian laughed, dipping his face upside-down directly over mine.

“It mows lawns, silly. Do I have to explain everything to you?”

I resisted the urge to feel embarrassed.

“Hey,” I said, pointing upwards. “Ve andi. Be nice to me, okay? You know everything about you Iatvi is new to me.”

“But you’re supposed to be my teacher.”

“I can’t be your teacher if I don’t know anything. You’re my teacher first, and I’m your teacher afterwards.”

“Hah, gotcha.”

I closed my eyes against the sun and allowed myself to stretch out a bit. I sighed.

Lindiata… Lindi… ata… Oh, unlo va nase?”


“I’m trying to think of the English word for ‘lindiata’. It’s how you’re feeling towards another person. Eh, sort of. ‘Lindi’, actions, and ‘ata’, thoughts. Oh, come on, it starts with an ‘A’… Ah… Ahdi… Ahn-doe-doo…”

Ian snorted.


“No, shush,” I said, laughing with him. “Altitude? No, that’s high up… Atti-dude?”

“Do you mean ‘attitude’?”

“Yes! That’s it. Attitude.”

“What about attitude?”

“It can mean someone is… being clever with someone else, right? Sarcastic? Or… what’s that funny word? Sissy. No, sass. Sassy?”

“Hah, sassy?”

“That’s right,” I said. “You’re getting sassy when you’re around me. You’ve got an attitude.”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“You tease me.”

“So? You tease me too. That means you have an attitude,” Ian retorted.

“I do not.”

“Yeah you do.”

I felt a finger prod me in the stomach, and it pushed breath out of me.

“You’re sassier than I am.”

I laughed.

“When have you ever heard me be sassy?” I asked. “I’m quite the serious person.”

“Uh-huh, cute little boy,” Ian growled.

“See? Attitude, right there. And it’s ‘cute little teacher boy’. Kanisi-PROT-la. If you’re going to use my title, you have to say the whole thing.”

“Well, you’re not a stranger anymore, you know? I’m nervous around people.”

“It’s not just because I’m tiny to you?”

Ian smiled and shrugged.

“I guess it helps.”

I gave him the same sign.

“I can accept that.”

“I’m just glad you’re happier, Lenn. I don’t like seeing you in pain.”

“Yeah. Agreed.”

“Have you seen your cut?” Ian asked, pointing a line across his neck.

“I think it’s a little more than a cut.”

“Uh-huh. You know what I mean.”

I grinned.

“No, I haven’t seen it yet. I’ll have an amazing scar to show for it, though. I’ll have to have your dad show it to me in a mirror.”

Ian then grinned back.

“You can say you got into a sword fight with someone.”

“If I did, I’m not sure I won.”

“I hope it doesn’t happen to anyone else, you know.”

I nodded again.

“Just thinking about it makes my bones shake,” I said. “Other Iatili live out there somewhere, I know that. I wonder how they live safely.”

“I dunno.” Ian looked sideways towards the sun. “I wonder if any other people like you live with humans. Nice humans, I mean. Hopefully not bad ones.” He looked back down at me. “How many of your people are there? Are there many in the world?”

I shrugged.

“In the world? I have no idea. The elders used to talk about other colonies close by they used to trade with, but I guess it’s been a long time since they were around. Maybe my village went to find them.”

“How many of you were there?”

An eyebrow raised.

“Hmm. Maybe fifty? Sixty? Quite a few. There was plenty of water for a long time, and we planted our own food for years. But the water dried up and the food went with it. I heard scouts were sent out to find water. I don’t know if they ever found some. They never told me if they did.”

“Wow,” Ian said. “Dad kept saying we were in a drought, so that makes sense. But… how come no humans ever found your village?”

“It almost happened one or two times in my life. But our village was well-hidden, and our scouts let us know if any dangers were coming. Sometimes dogs or big birds would try to attack us, but our guards were well-trained and always chased them off.”

I scratched my side.

“Everything was usually okay,” I continued, “Except when everyone got sick. That happened once every few years, when some of the gatherers brought back dirty food. Everyone ate it, and everyone would get sick for weeks. Without gatherers working, supplies would run short, and people would get sicker. That’s when kids and the old would die. It always happened that way. Those were the hardest times for me, when Aria took care of me the most.”

“That’s awful… I’m sorry.”

“I didn’t think things could be better anywhere else,” I said. “The elders thought our only chance to survive was to take what didn’t belong to them. I’m glad I wasn’t a gatherer. I hate the idea of stealing, even if it’s the only thing that keeps you alive.”

“That’s a good thing, I think. I wouldn’t like doing it, either.”

“Seeing you and your family, though… Your mom and dad earn everything they have, don’t they? And you don’t have to worry about anything besides school and learning about the world.”

I offered a sideways grin.

“I’m just… jealous, I guess. I want that life. I feel like I’m stealing from you.”

“But you’re not,” Ian insisted. “As long as you want, you can live here. I’ll bet Mom and Dad wouldn’t mind at all. You can live under my bed or in my closet, and you can do whatever you want.”

“Your closet,” I said with a laugh. “No way. I need a little more room than that, I think.”

“How about a shoebox?”

“Sure, let’s make it worse.”

Everything fell silent for a moment. Silent, except for a large child shuffling himself in the grass. Once Ian’s shadow disappeared, I closed my eyes and relaxed. I thought the boy had simply crawled away.

And then I felt somethings curl down from my hair to my forehead. These somethings forced my head further into the grass. Desperate that something was planting me into the ground like a seed, I tried to fight off the force with my hands and a shout. I felt cool knobbly skin and hard awkward nails. They weren’t fingers, and the smell confirmed it.

“Wha- Ack!” I cried. “Get… ah! Get your… dirty toes off my head!”

Ian sounded unable to contain his laughter. The toes pulled away and they didn’t return.

“Agh, now I need to wash myself!” No matter how much I rubbed and wiped, the gross stench remained in my nostrils. “You just wait, when I don’t have to wear bandages anymore, I’m going to climb on your face and put my feet right up your nose!”

“Hah!” Ian laughed. “No way! I’ll grab you first!”

“I’ll sneak up on you while you’re sleeping! Especially if I’m going to be sleeping in your closet.”

The boy shuffled himself in the grass again, and his shadow covered me as he crawled upon his hands and knees. I sat up and stared him straight in the face.

“Maybe you shouldn’t sleep there then, huh?” Ian asked.

“Scared I’ll crawl all over you like a spider?”

“No,” he replied. “But if you did, I’d really squish you.”

I shrugged, continuing to wipe my forehead.

“You are disgusting,” I whispered beneath my breath. Ian snuck in another laugh. “But I think you’re right. Not a good idea. I’m not sure where I should go, but… if it keeps me hidden, I guess you can keep me anywhere.”

“In a suitcase? Or maybe in my backpack, and I can take you to school with me. Like you said.”

My eyes bulged and I shook my head.

“No, no no. Let’s not do that. I’m not that small. I’m not spending six hours in there.”

Ian grinned.

“Sure you could. I’ll bet I could squish you in there. All scrunched up in a ball.”

I pointed at him.

“No squishing, Ian.”

“Heh. Maybe I’ll do that when you’re asleep.”

I glared at him, and his happy expression didn’t change.

“I’m not sure if you’re being serious or not.”

“I’m very serious,” he said, becoming almost haughty. “Actually, I am quite the serious person.”

I squeezed my eyes and folded my arms.

“Don’t make fun of me, kani.

Ian giggled, wobbling his head and crossing his eyes.

“What’s kani mean, anyway?”

“It means ‘little boy’.”

“I am so much bigger than you, kaaah-neee,” Ian said, poking me in the leg.

“Age trumps size,” I said.

“What’s that mean?”

“I can call you little because I’m older than you.”

“Well I can call you little because it’s actually true.”

“Me being older than you is just as true.”




I grinned.

“Fine,” I said, waving my hand. “You win. I’m the kani. Feel better now?”

“Yup,” Ian said with a huge grin.

I sighed.

“See what I said about your attitude? Anyway… do you think we could go have breakfast? After you get me a cleaning wipe for my head.”

“Yeah. What do you want to eat?”

“I don’t know,” I answered. “Surprise me.”

Ian pursed his lips sideways.

“Hmm. I’ll bet I can find something.”

I didn’t lie. I truly felt much better, both physically and mentally. I felt safe as well, a rare feeling for me. I still missed you, Aria, but I knew you were somewhat protected and not alone like me. Even though you could get sick or injured, I also knew you could take care of yourself. I didn’t know anyone better at enduring hardship than you. I would see you again, and I would get my strength back so I could make it so.

I managed to stay energetic past breakfast and even into the early afternoon before finally feeling my exhaustion return. Before heading back to bed, though, Ian managed to convince me to try my hand at playing his video game again. I did so hesitantly.

Promising they were only practice matches, we both played with several different characters so I could ‘see how each one felt’. I didn’t quite know what that meant at first, but it was true: each character moved in slightly different ways, with some moving and jumping quickly and some prowling across each stage with sluggish steps. He instructed me on the many functions of the controller for a second time and we began. Although I still couldn’t match Ian’s dexterity (which he demonstrated to great effect when he smashed my character all over the screen), I did manage to chase after his character and hit him a few times. And while I was certain he let me, I hit him enough times to knock him off the platform and win a single point. Of course, after that, the match’s time limit ran out before I could repeat my victory, and Ian ended up winning. I couldn’t let him feel too superior, however, and challenged him to several more matches with a different character each time. I felt more confident with slower and more powerful heroes (ones I had the ability to control), and as I continued to play, I improved. By the last game, I think I actually knocked him off the stage legitimately, and the shocked look and hilarious shout he gave me when I succeeded confirmed it.

Back in bed, I slept until the late afternoon when I again felt well enough to stay awake. I surprised both Catherine and Ian by stepping into the kitchen on my own, and together we ate a small meal of a vegetable called celery and a creamy spread called peanut butter (it tasted nothing like butter, but peanuts sounded delicious if its butter was any indication). Afterwards, Ian invited me back into his room and told me he wanted to show me something different.

“Here you go,” he said, lifting me up onto his bed. I steadied myself as he laid down, and again I rested on his arm as he produced his phone. Instead of learning knowledge from the ‘internet’, he instead pulled up an ‘app’ (which apparently was short for ‘application’, a word I still don’t fully understand) that showed me all sorts of short videos. Some were very funny; Ian’s bright laugh was infectious, so even if I didn’t fully understand what was going on, I could laugh with him instead. Some were remarkably inspiring, showing off some new device or invention that some genius Iatvi had created. These were my favorite, and I could hardly recognize anything used in their construction besides metal, plastic, wire, and wood.

Iatvi are so smart,” I said to Ian, stifling a yawn. “I don’t get it. How do they come up with these things?”

“No idea. Aren’t they cool, though? I’m not that smart.”

“I bet you will be.”

“No way,” Ian disagreed.

We watched more videos. The next were painful to watch; for some reason, the Iatvi in these videos accidentally or even willingly chose to injure themselves in all manner of ways. Young men (my age and younger) flung themselves off of rooftops, rode on dangerous wooden boards with wheels called skateboards, or even lit themselves on fire. Whether or not they needed to be treated for their injuries afterwards, the videos never showed. Ian would laugh at these, and I would just cringe.

“I don’t think you should laugh at someone getting injured like that,” I insisted.

“But they’re really funny,” he said. “And they posted the video, so they get lots of views.”


“People watching it.”

“…why would they do that? Wouldn’t that make other Iatvi want to hurt themselves?”

Ian shrugged.


“That’s terrible.”

“I guess,” Ian said next. “But if they get hurt, they just go to the hospital. It’s not like anybody in these videos dies or anything.”

“How do you know?”

“They wouldn’t put the video on the internet if someone died in it.”

“You sure?”

“Nobody can put up bad stuff like that.”

“But you can put up a video showing you crippling yourself?”

Ian shrugged back.

“I dunno. I guess if someone like you broke an arm or a leg, it would be really bad, huh?”

“Absolutely. Gatherers stop working after accidents like that, and that makes life worse for the whole village.”

“I’m sorry.” Ian said, forlorn, dropping his phone down on his chest. “I won’t show you those anymore.”

“Don’t be sorry. I’m just… not used to seeing people get hurt. I’m not sure I like it very much, even if they’re doing it for fun.”

The sun very nearly set in the sky beyond the window of the guest room when I heard a soft knock on the door. Strange.

“Um…” I shook off my sleepiness. “Hello?”

The door clicked open, and in stepped a timid human boy. He stuck his head halfway through the door as if ashamed he had knocked.

“Lenn,” he whispered. He held his hands together and his hollow voice sounded as though he’d been crying. “Can I talk to you?”

“Yeah…” I replied, wiping my eyes. “Yeah, of course.”

Ian stepped inside. He walked around the bed to the other side and, to my surprise, laid down. He positioned himself close to me, rolling to his side and folding his arms around himself. He remained quiet for a moment, biting his lip and staring down at the surface.

“Do you…” he said, his voice a breeze. “Do you like me?”

His question caught me off guard. Holding my bandages steady, I rose up from my bed.


“I s-said… Do you like me?”

I tilted my head.

“Of course I do. What kind of question is that?”

Ian looked at me for a moment more before returning his eyes to the bed.

“What makes you wonder?”

Ian’s face darkened to match the sky outside, and he didn’t reply.

“I’m okay, Ian, don’t worry about hurting me anymore.”

Ian shrugged.

“No, it’s… not that.”


“I’m not a good friend. That’s why no one hangs out with me. Everybody at school… makes fun of me or ignores me… And when you came to live here, all I do is hurt you and annoy you. Dad told me not to bother you so much. I didn’t mean to walk into your room without knocking this morning, or show you bad videos. Dad says I shouldn’t be watching things like that anyways.”

“Ian, it doesn’t matter to me,” I said. “If you bothered me, I’d tell you.”

He didn’t look at me for a while, shivering from the air conditioning in the small room despite the light jacket he wore.

“Ian,” I said.

He didn’t look at me.

“Listen. This is your home. And this isn’t my room. As far as I’m concerned… you can come in whenever you want. I may not have privacy, but I don’t much care anymore. If it wasn’t for you, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t find water. Yul, you help me go to the bathroom every single day. And James knows that…”

Ian’s expression remained unchanged.

“Give me your hand.”

I held out my arms to him. He reached for me, placing all of his fingers across my lap.

“Look,” I said. I extended my hand as wide as I could and measured it across his middle and index finger. I barely wrapped around the tops. “See, I can barely grab two of your fingers. You’re a human. You have more strength in a single finger than I have in my whole body. You could have locked me in a cage or stuffed me in a box, hid me from your parents and showed me off to your friends. That’s the first thing I thought any human child would do to me. Even if my legs were normal, I wouldn’t be able to do much in your home without help. And… viara vestiid… I would be dead without you. There’s only one person who cared about me so much, but… I don’t know if I’ll ever see her again.”

Ian’s eyes closed, and I heard his voice whimper as tears came to his eyes.

“So yes, you silly kani. I like you.”

I slowly rose from my bedding, and Ian retracted his hand. I limped down from the blankets and stood in front of Ian’s face. Just as before, I could see every detail on his youthful features, from the light freckles that crossed his nose to the droplets of saline that formed beneath his eyelashes.

“No crying, okay?” I whispered, reaching my hand out and weaving my fingers through the hair in front of his ear. “I’ll talk to James. You don’t annoy me.”

“If… If you were human…” he trembled, his voice shaking me through. “You wouldn’t be my friend. You would ignore me like everyone else.”

“That’s not true,” I replied. I pursed my lips, patted the boy on the cheek, and slowly walked towards the foot of the bed. Ian’s eyes must not have opened to watch me, as he didn’t acknowledge me until I leaned down and brushed his arm.

“Come on,” I said simply. “Move over.”

“…huh?” he whimpered.

“I want to check something.” I gently motioned his arm sideways.

Ian listened with hesitation, unwrapping his arms from around himself. He nearly scooted away as I knelt down. But as I placed my ear against his jacket, he stayed completely still. I waited for a moment. Sure as a ticking clock, I heard it loud and clear: pumping with a slow and steady rhythm (much slower than my own), I could hear and feel the beat within him.

“Ah-ha,” I said.

“What?” Though his voice was light and airy, it rumbled deep. I stood up and leaned against him.

“You have a good heart,” I told him with a slight grin, bopping his chest with a fist. “I’d be able to feel that whether I was human or not. You know what I mean?”

Ian sniffed, and for a moment, let the sadness in him pass. At last, he threw his own shy grin back at me.

“You’re weird,” he said simply.

“What?” I said, throwing my hands up as I stepped back over to his eyes. “Weird? That’s what you think of my ‘heartfelt’words?”

He chuckled.

“Heartfelt. I get it.”

“Thanks. I came up with it myself.”

I sat down. Although the sunlight out the window was dimming rapidly, I could still see the shine of his green-blue gaze watching me.

“I don’t mind you at all. Bothering me?” I said, biting my lip. “Nah. I like your company.”

“But I don’t mean to wake you up all the time.”

“Don’t worry so much. Trust me,” I said. “I’ve slept enough in the past two weeks to…”

My eyes widened, and I sighed. An English teacher who can’t remember how to speak English.

Dunrvair… dunrvah… Ah, what’s the word…?”

Ian watched me blankly as my mind spun.

“It’s a strange word… And I may not be using it right, anyway. Aww, It’s not like ‘dunrvai’ at all. ‘Ess’. ‘Sis’. ‘Siss-something’.” I knocked on my forehead. “No, no… come on, I know this. All of these ‘S’ words are messing up my head. ‘Sal’… no. ‘Sur’. ‘Suss’. ‘Steen’? ‘Suss-stur?’ No, ‘stain’. ‘Suss-stain’?”

I snapped my fingers.

“Yes! ‘Sustain’. I’ve had enough sleep to ‘sustain’ me for the rest of my life.”

I frowned.

“Nah, that doesn’t sound right. It makes better sense in Iatnasi.”

“You really do like words. You’re such a little teacher boy.”

“Heh, yes I am.”

Ian nodded.

“This is going to sound strange,” I said, tilting my head. I’d been thinking about this for a while, and with his words, it seemed right. “You’re afraid of me, aren’t you.”


“Are you just scared you’ll hurt me again? Or are you afraid of me because I’m older than you?”

Ian answered by withdrawing a bit, refolding his arms.

“Both. I guess.”

I folded my own arms and crossed my legs.

“You remember the first question I asked you the day you brought me here? I wrote it on a piece of paper.”

Ian frowned.

“I don’t remember.”

“I asked you why you cared about me so much from the very beginning.”

“Oh. Yeah.”

“Can you answer me? Why you cared so much at first? You didn’t see me as some kind of animal, did you?”

Ian quickly shook his head.


“Something strange? A tiny little cripple, something that looks like a human?”

He shook his head again.

“So what was it? What was I to you?”

Ian’s eyes paced back and forth for a moment, and he squirmed a little bit as he adjusted his legs.

“Well, I…. I wanted… I don’t know, I wanted a brother…”

I chuckled, leaning back against the blankets.

“A brother? Really? All you wanted was a little brother, huh?”

“An older brother,” he said with coy but honest lips. “I mean… I thought you were young when I first saw you, but… then you told me how old you were.”

“That changed what you thought of me?”

Ian shrugged.

“I dunno. I didn’t think of anything at first. But then you got hurt, and… when Dad said you got your voice back, I got really scared. You’re an adult, and you’d probably yell at me like Dad does. Or I was scared that you weren’t going to talk to me anymore and just leave. I felt so stupid. And then I do things like making you play my hard video games… or showing you videos I know I shouldn’t watch. Or even putting my toes on your head. I keep doing stupid things to you, and I’m scared you’re going to go away.”

“Except for your toes,” I said with a laugh. “Those weren’t stupid. They’re new to me, and they’re exciting. And I never thought you were stupid. I mean, my…” I couldn’t tell the truth yet. “I want to see my friend Aria again, but I can’t go back to the village. Where would I go?”

Ian frowned deeper.

“Come on, I know that look,” I said. “I make it all the time. Don’t be mean to yourself.”

The boy looked away, sniffing. I watched him for a few seconds; everything about him was filled with hesitation. The moment I stood up, his eyes rose up immediately. It took me a moment, but without a word, I approached his face. He didn’t lean away, but his eyes crossed and vibrated when I came too near. I reached out a hand and placed it on an eyebrow, fluffing the hairs; they were dark and impossibly delicate, not rough and tumble like my own.

“You’re an incredible human, Ian. You know that? You’ve been so patient with me.”

Ian’s scowl had disappeared, replaced by curiosity. His eyes blinked, and I swear I could hear them pop as the eyelids collided with each other.

“So your dad yelled at you,” I said, bending down to look directly into his eye. Ian’s head swayed, and a deep rumble made it clear. “I’m sorry. He’s probably just as worried about me as you are. I hope I’m not making life hard for you.”

“You’re not,” he said, his great lips gently forming the nasally words.

“You know what?” I replied. I took a seat right next to him. “I don’t know what I’m going to do when I’m all healed. But… until then, maybe I’ll just be your big brother. Is that okay?”

“Yeah,” he said with a nod. “I’d like that.”

“So long as you wash your hands and feet? And help me walk?”


Ian blinked a few times again. In the darkening evening, it was like staring at glass.

“I didn’t think I’d ever be friends with a ka Iatvi. I can only imagine what Aria would say if I told her. She wouldn’t believe me.”

“What does ka mean again?

“It means boy,” I answered. “Like kani, small boy. I think you’re kaval Iatvi, though. A large boy.”

Ian’s lips creased into a smile.

“How do you say ‘old’?”


“And… what are you called? Not Iatvi, but… I forgot.”


“So… you’d be a… um… Iatili kani… ato? Iatili… little boy… old? Hmm.” Ian frowned.That doesn’t seem right.”

“Close,” I said. “Kaniato Iatili. Iatili at the end. Kani and ato become one long word, sulm. You could say atokani, but other Iatili would look at you funny.

“Oh. Really?”

“Yeah. Just the way it is.”

Ian’s eyes watched me as well as they could, close as I was. I then watched as his hand rose and advanced towards my back. His palm pressed lightly against my back, and I came to rest against the bridge of his nose.

“Thanks,” he said with a quiet reverence. “I’m glad we’re friends. Er… brothers, I mean.”

“Ha,” I said, nervous to feel his heat and pressure on my back. “Brothers.”

He nodded as his hand fell.

“And since we’re brothers, I guess we can tease each other. Attitude, right?”

Ian chuckled but said nothing.

“So if I call you maitoka, smelly boy, what do you call me?”



Maito… kani? And… kaniato… So, maitokaniato? Old and smelly little boy?”

“Hey, look at you,” I said, patting his eyebrow. “You learn quick. It gets complicated with a lot of endaiva, doesn’t it? Um… ajilek… no, ajelk… What’s the word? Like, ‘blue’, or ‘round’.”

“Oh. Adjectives?”

“That’s right! That’s right, kavalin. Smart boy.”

“Ha,” Ian laughed, showing his uneven white teeth to me. “Don’t you forget it.”

I grabbed the tip of his nose and wiggled it up and down. I laughed.

“How could I?”

I Am Lenn – Chapter Six

“Hello, boys!” said Catherine in the kitchen. She wore a long pair of loose and no doubt comfortable light blue pants and a patterned blouse; she really was a very beautiful woman, and despite her graying hair, I couldn’t even attempt to guess her age. Older, certainly. But vibrant and sweet. “Lenn, are you sure you’re all right walking around?”

“I’m… I’m fine,” I said, breathing heavily. Just walking from the bathroom into the kitchen was fairly difficult. “Thank you.”

“If you’re sure…” she said. She stepped towards me around the kitchen island, maintaining a respectable distance. “There’s no reason to exhaust yourself.”

I nodded, continuing to take awkward steps towards the island. Ian had followed beside me, his giant feet pounding behind me at my meager speed, his skin adhering to the hardwood with every step. Maybe he expected to catch me should I become unstable.

“Oh, Ian…” Catherine said with disapproval, pointing at her son’s chest. “Can you at least put socks on? And a shirt? I’m sure Lenn doesn’t want to smell you all day.”

“Mom,” he whined. “It’s fine! Lenn doesn’t mind.”

I couldn’t stop a laugh.

“Um,” I said, unable to turn to look back at Ian but able to look up at Catherine. “I do mind. A little.”

“Yup, I thought so. I’ve got a rancid little boy, don’t I?”

“What!” he exclaimed. “I am not ‘rancid’! I don’t even know what that means!”

She stepped right around me as I rested myself against the island and turned Ian right around on his heels.

“Right into the bathroom and wash your feet, young man, and then deodorant. Come on, go!”

“Mom!” he cried. “It’s not a big deal! I took a shower yesterday!”

“You’re almost a teenager now, so it’s time to get used to keeping yourself clean.” I turned around just in time to see Catherine not only spin him around, but take him by his shoulders and shove him back into the hallway. I laughed as he continued to moan.

“Stop embarrassing me!”

I heard the water in the tub turn on, and Catherine stepped into Ian’s room, no doubt to get him fresh clothing.

“Phew!” I heard her say as she entered. “Lenn, you could stand it in here? It’s awful!”

Instinctively, I lifted my own arm as high as it would go and sniffed. Not terrible. Besides, what could I have possibly done to further poison the air in that gigantic room? The thought of the word ‘poison’ made me chuckle again, and my throat burned all the more for it.

“Mom! Cut it out!” Ian’s voice rose over the din of the cascading water.

After a moment, Catherine stepped back into the bathroom, and the water turned off. Ian grumbled something to his mother, and Catherine came back into the kitchen with a smile.

“Much better,” she said to me. “Would you like anything to eat or drink, Lenn?”

Sia, kaldi, serdi,” I said, not thinking. When she stood there with a look of confusion, I shook the Iatnasi out of my head. “Oh, I mean, yes, please.”

“You have a fascinating language,” she said. “You should teach us all some of your words.”

“I’d like to. I keep stumbling back into it when I should be speaking English. I’ve already started speaking some with Ian,” I told her as she stepped over to the counter near the sink. “We’ll see if he remembers anything.”

Ian then stepped out of the bathroom, down the hall, and right towards me. Now dressed in a short-sleeved shirt with a colorful design on the front and white-and-grey socks on his feet, he certainly did smell better as he came to stand over me. Looking directly at my eyes, however, he wore a slight sarcastic frown; considering I didn’t even stand halfway to his knees, he really could be quite intimidating when he wanted to be.

“Why didn’t you tell me I stunk?” he growled.

“Uh, I…” I felt my back press into the wall of the kitchen island. “I… I didn’t want to insult you again.”

Ian let out a small giggle as he descended towards me, taking me by my waist and lifting me slowly to the cold surface of the flat island top. Once he put me down on my bottom, he folded his arms against the counter and rested his head upon them, a scant half-foot away from me.

“Don’t worry, I’m not insulted.”

Sulm,” I said, my nerves cooling.

Ian’s eyes narrowed.


I grinned.

“You have a very good memory. How are you doing bad in school?”

Catherine turned.

“Ian? You’re doing bad in school?”

“No, Mom,” he sighed, standing. “I just didn’t do very well on my last math test. Or my… vocab test.”

“Ian, do I have to check on your grades again? You told me they were going up.”

“They are going up! I just… need to do some extra credit to catch back up, that’s all. Besides, Lenn said he would become my teacher and help me in school.”

Catherine rolled her eyes a bit.

“Lenn has his own problems, Ian. Don’t go throwing your responsibilities at him. He needs to focus on healing, not doing your homework for you.”

“I know, it’s not like that,” Ian said, a bit crestfallen.

“Don’t worry, ma’am,” I said, spreading my legs a bit. “I won’t overexert myself. Ian showed me his phone and his… ‘enter-net’? Is that what it’s called?”

“Internet,” Ian said.

Sia, inter-net. It’s humbling to see how much Iatvi know about the world. I’ll be able to learn anything Ian needs.”

Yee-aht-vee?” Catherine asked.

“It means ‘human’,” Ian said. “And yee-et means person.”

Yee-aht. Like Iatvi.

“Oh yeah, Iat.

“It’s the least I can do for you for saving my life,” I continued. “I’m useless in so many ways. But I love reading, and I’m not a terrible teacher… at least I don’t think I am.”

“Oh, Lenn, don’t put yourself down. You’re not useless. From what you’ve told us, you’ve done quite a few impossible things, and despite it all, you’ve survived. Now that your voice is back, you’ll have to tell us all about it. Well… everything that isn’t too painful. I understand if there are questions you don’t want to answer.”

Catherine set down a measuring cup of water beside me and, to my utter shock, a small plate of the most delicious fruits I’d ever seen and smelled, chopped up into small pieces: strawberries, raspberries, watermelon, and cantaloupe (most of which I had no names for, or had ever eaten in so fresh a form).

“No, I… I think I need to talk to someone,” I said, trying to focus over the numbing food beside me. “Talking to all of you might help me process some things.”

“Mom,” Ian said. “Lenn wanted to learn about Heavenly Father, remember? Do you think we can have home evening tomorrow instead of Monday?”

Catherine clasped her hands.

“That’s something you’d really like to talk about?”

I nodded.

“I didn’t tell Ian this,” I said. “But… when Ian prayed last week, and said ‘Heavenly Father’, I remembered something I was taught by one of the elders in my village. That he had read ‘scriptures’ before, I’m not sure which ones. Are there many scriptures?”

Catherine nodded.

“Yes, there are,” she said. “Each of these books have many sections and chapters written by many different people.”

“Elder Namen was his name,” I continued. “He talked to me and some of my students about a powerful person that watched over us and protected us from harm. Not all of the elders believed him, but he was certain something kept our village safe for so many years. At least…” my shoulders fell. “Until the water disappeared. He always told us his favorite words from the scriptures, and I think I remember them. Something about this being taking away sorrow and pain. Maybe he was talking about God.”

“I’ll bet I know which scripture he read,” Catherine said. “I’ll go search for it and tell you the whole thing.”

“I’d like that.”

“All right, go ahead and eat, you two. Ian, the bigger pieces of fruit are over there on the counter.”

“That’s okay, I’ll have a bowl of cereal.”

“Can you put the fruit away, then?”


My mouth had already begun to salivate just looking at the delicious colors and flavors. My hands first picked up a slice of fresh strawberry, and I jammed the whole thing into my mouth; naturally, I failed to jam the last bit in, and juice spilled down my chin and onto my bandages. Although laughing and chewing hurt, I did so. Ian turned from the counter he was reaching into and noticed my predicament.

“Still making a mess?”

I nodded with a grin.

Pulling a colorful box out of the counter, Ian then leaned over the sink and grabbed a paper towel, tore it in half, and placed the half next to me.

Serdi,” I said, wiping myself off.

“Um… does that mean ‘thank you’?” Ian asked.

I tossed him a glance.

Sulmtol. Via medasti.”

“Good… something. What’s ‘vee-ah meh-das-tee’?”

“I said: ‘Very good. I’m impressed’.”

“Oh. Thanks! Or, um… serdi!

More delicious than the last, each piece of fruit sang in my mouth, and I fought through the pain that radiated from my neck to eat as much as I could. The food Ian ate called ‘see-real’ were crunchy squares with an intensely sweet coating of sugar and something he called ‘cin-ah-mahn’. As I tried his food, I started to hiccup, and Ian told me not to wolf down my food. I had no idea I ate like wolves, and I told him so.

“I can’t… *hic*… help it,” I said. “I’m so used to being in danger… *hic*… I learned to eat as quick as possible…”

“Want me to pat your back?” he said, lifting his hand. Three of his fingers lightly tapped me.

“Not… *hic*… helping. You and your family have so much…*hic*…food… I’m going to have to force myself to stop eating.”


“I would explode otherwise! At the village, I never knew when my… *hic*… my next meal would be. That’s why I relied on Aria so much. Sometimes my students would… *hic*… bring me small meals from their parents, but it wasn’t often… *hic*.”

“You went hungry?”

I nodded.

“Yeah. *hic*”

“So that’s why you’re so skinny.”

I looked down at my hands and my arms. Any further down or around, and my neck would complain.

“Am I?” I asked, my diaphragm slowly ceasing. “I guess I’m used to it. *hic*.” I pounded my chest. “Ah, wrande, kaldi…

“What’s that mean?”

“Huh?” I must have been so tired and full, I hardly noticed what I said. “Oh. I said ‘stop’. To my dumb… um, lundosi. English… what are they called? What I was doing just now?”


“Yeah, hiccups.” I waited a moment. “I think they’re gone.”

Ian looked at me with an entertained smile. I then pointed at him.

“You don’t look skinny at all. Nothing like the kids I taught.”

“They didn’t eat much either, huh?”

“The elder’s children did. But the poorest kids were nothing but skin and bones. I… I never liked it when some of my students didn’t come back to school because they became so hungry. We… lost a lot of kids.”

For a moment, Ian didn’t say anything, putting his spoon down and chewing. When he swallowed, he perked up.

“What if we took them food? I know your village left without you, but what if we went looking for them?”

I shook my head.

“I don’t think that’s possible. They’re probably dozens of miles away by now. And our gatherers are trained to cover their tracks so no one follows them. Besides, even if you shouted for them, that would make them scramble to hide.”

I laughed lightly.

“Could you imagine how horrified they would be if they saw me helping a human kid find them? They’d think it was some kind of revenge for leaving me.”

“I guess so,” Ian said.

Ian and I finished breakfast (with Ian consuming more food from his trough-sized bowl than I could possibly imagine any Iat eating at once). I took one more mouthful of water and stood. Before Ian could carry me to the floor, however, James entered the room from a set of stairs… that I honestly had never realized was there. With the two sets of banisters, I should have assumed they protected a stairway. But from my view from the ground and my anxious mind, I hadn’t noticed them before.

Ian blocked me from James’s direct view until he stepped around.

“Hey Ian. Is Lenn still in the… Oh, there you are, Lenn! How are you feeling this morning?”

“I’m okay,” I answered. “It’s a bit hard to eat, but… I’m not dead.”

“I certainly hope not.”

James approached the counter, making me strain and lean backwards to look up at him.

“I’m glad you and Ian are talking. It hurt Catherine and I to see you injured again, Lenn. And it hurt to see Ian feeling so guilty.” He placed a hand on Ian’s shoulder. “It was all Lenn talked about this week that he didn’t blame you for hurting him.”

Ian nodded, looking down at the table.

“I know…” Ian said. “But I still had a nightmare about it last night.”

“I’ll help you change your mind,” I replied, lifting a hand. Ian took it and shook it. But then he laughed.

“Shaking hands is weird. How about we do this instead?”

Ian lifted his hand and held it out to me palm-upwards. I tilted my head.

“…what am I supposed to do?”

“You’ve never high-fived someone before?”

I shook my head.

“What is that?”

“We hold up our hands and hit them together.”

I hesitated.


Ian and James both laughed.

“It’s just something friends do,” Ian explained.

“Consider it less formal than a handshake,” James added.

I shrugged.

“…don’t hit me too hard.”

“I won’t hit you at all. Just hit my hand instead.”

“All right.”

I’ll admit it, this was as strange to me as a thumbs up. But I lifted my hand and gently slapped the center of Ian’s palm. At least… I thought it was a slap. Ian didn’t agree, and his hand remained before me.

“Come on,” he said. “You can do it harder than that.”

“Be nice, Ian,” James growled.

“I am being nice.”

My nerves should have taken hold of me. But I took it as a challenge.

“Harder, huh?”

I leaned forwards, grabbed the joint of Ian’s middle finger, and brought my hand down upon his fingertip. Less of a slap and more a dull thud, but it proved its point.

“That’s better!”

“Ian,” James said. “Let’s not have a repeat of last week, yeah? Don’t force Lenn to do anything that will put too much strain on him. You’re a lot stronger than him, you know.”

“Yes please,” I agreed cheerfully. “You’re quite a monster.”

A hilarious and stern frown draped on Ian’s face as a smile grew on James.

“I am not.”

“You haven’t noticed that you’re a mountain to me?”

“That means Dad is an even bigger mountain!”

“But he’s a doctor. That makes him normal and harmless.” I looked up at James, realizing what I’d said. My stomach turned. “I mean, uh… not harmless, exactly. You could, uh… I mean…”

“You’re right, Lenn,” he said with a chuckle. “I wouldn’t hurt you if the world depended on it.”

“Dad’s harmless and I’m not?” Ian moaned. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

I slowly smiled.

“But you’re a very kind monster. You just need practice being one, that’s all.”

Ian puckered his lips to the side and grunted. He didn’t look satisfied with that answer.

“Lenn, you should get as much rest as you can,” James said. He nudged Ian’s shoulder. “I know this bug wants to hang out with you, but don’t hesitate to tell him you need a nap or two.”

Via su-. Er, I’m okay. I actually wanted to spend some time out of bed for a while. Stretch my legs before I get too tired.”

“This is just the laundry room,” Ian said, stepping over me. He clicked on the light, and I stepped inside, exhausted from my walk from the kitchen. This room was past the guest room and dining room, and with a single small window at the very top of the far wall, the atmosphere was slightly dingy. Never before had I ever been hit in the nostrils with a stronger scent of soap and detergent, so much so that it took me a minute to acclimate. To the left was a structure-sized laundry basket partially filled with clean towels, and beside it was an even taller white bin for discarding dirty cloth.

“I’ve… I’ve never seen a washing machine before,” I said, walking forward. The enormous appliance (and the matching dryer next to it) appeared to be a large metal box with a circular window in the facing surface. I was just tall enough to peer in. “Please never put me in there.”

“No way. You’d drown.”

The kid was certainly good at stating the obvious.

“I’m sure you can imagine how we washed our clothes.”

“In rivers?”

“Yup,” I said. “If it didn’t rain, we didn’t clean our clothes. But you have running water at all times, and if you didn’t have these machines to do it, you could wash your clothing in the tub or in the sink.”

I laughed.

“And even though you’re a little smelly, everything about this house smells so fresh. Even me, thanks to your dad. You really have soap all the time?”

“Uh-huh, of course,” Ian said, bending down. “Didn’t you?”

“Not all the time. If the gatherers didn’t return with any soap, you could smell everyone in the entire village.”

“Eww,” Ian said, sticking his tongue out.

Ian then made a ‘hmm’ sound.

“Where was your village? It wasn’t in town, was it? Was it up in the hills nearby?”

I paused.

“I’ll… tell you later, okay? I’m getting kind of tired.”

It was only partially the truth. To be honest, I didn’t want to give him even a rough direction, even though I was fuzzy on its location in the forest myself. He accepted my answer.

“Do you want to go see downstairs?” he asked. “I can carry you. Or… do you want to go to bed?”

I laughed lightly.

“I probably wouldn’t make it down those stairs by myself.”

“So you want to go down?”

“Yeah, sure.”

So, once again, I found myself in the arms of the boy, initially facing backwards. However, I quickly requested that he spin me forwards, as the thought of going down an enormous set of stairs without seeing where I was going made my stomach churn. So, awkwardly, I sat upon one of his arms while his other acted to hold me in place.

“I’m not heavy, am I?”

“Nope,” Ian said, perhaps too cheerfully.

The gray-and-black speckled carpet of the living room led downwards between a set of ivory banisters, lit by a single light on the angled ceiling. On both walls hung a myriad of pictures in frames, showing images of people I didn’t recognize (no doubt extended Petersen family). Until I looked at one picture in particular that hung near the bottom of the stairs. It was a picture of a younger-looking Catherine and James standing close together with an infant in their arms, holding a piece of paper in between them; I couldn’t make out what the paper in the picture said. I patted Ian’s arm.

“Is that you?”

Ian stopped, peered at the picture, and nodded.

“Yup,” he said. “That was when I was adopted.”

“Wait…” I said, unable to turn around but declaring my surprise. “You’re… not James or Catherine’s son?”

“Of course I am,” Ian said with a chuckle. “But I still see my birth mom sometimes. She’s awesome.”

“Why did…?” I shook my head. “Eh, sorry, I shouldn’t ask.”

I felt Ian shrug.

“Mom and Dad know more than me, and told me they’d tell me when I was older. But I think it was something really sad.”

“But you look so much like James.”

Ian took a breath.

“I think that’s why it’s sad. Dad won’t tell me what it means, though.”


I couldn’t fathom what it meant either. So I let it alone and allowed Ian to take me further.

Turning left at the end of the stairs was a pair of hallways, one proceeding straight towards the far wall of the house and one to the left. Instead of proceeding down them, however, Ian pushed open a door to the right and stepped inside.

This room was equally as large as the kitchen and dining room upstairs. Covered in the same comfortable speckled carpet, this room had cupboards and shelves in the left corner filled with all sorts of boxes and blankets. The walls were covered in tasteful framed images and paintings, small shelves covered in knick-knacks and other such items, and even the words ‘family is forever’ written in black ink above a wide leather L-shaped couch. A dark-colored ottoman sat in the center of the room, and an impossible television larger than Ian’s hung upon the wall opposite the seats. Further into the room was a table with a strange flat device sitting upon it. For such a simple room, I had a lot of questions… and I worried I wouldn’t be able to ask them all before I fell asleep.

“This is the TV room,” Ian said. “Um… yeah. It’s nice to watch movies in here and take naps.”

“Is that…” I pointed. “It can’t be a television, it’s so big

I felt a short blast of breath from Ian as he guffed.

“Yeah it is,” he said. “Check it out.”

At first, Ian stepped forwards and tried to reach for what appeared to be a television remote on the ottoman. His arm beneath me vanished, and the arm that secured me instead flattened me against his chest. When the breath flew out of my lungs, I grunted as loudly as possible, and my injury growled along with me as my upper arms tried to lift myself upwards away from the pressure on my stomach.

“Ah, oops,” Ian said. Both hands recovered me and lowered me down to the ottoman. “I’m sorry, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine…” I said, breathing for a moment. Although not serious, it did feel as though my insides had been squished out of place.

“Ah, I’m sorry, Lenn…” Ian growled. “I’m so bad at this.”

Vah sulm, Ian. You would be just fine if it wasn’t for this… urg, neck of mine. Normally I can take a bit of jostling… I think. Give me a few weeks, and you can squish me all you want.”

“Okay,” he said with a smile.

Ian sat down behind me on the couch. To my great discomfort, Ian propped up onto the stool, his crossed legs and feet landing right next to me. I couldn’t turn around to see any expression on his face, although I believe I did hear a light laugh as his socked feet stretched and bounced up and down; revenge for making him wash them, I supposed.

The images that flashed upon the television’s surface were so clear, I could have sworn that I was looking through a window. For a few moments, Ian and I relaxed and watched one of the channels on this remarkable piece of technology, an animated show of moving colors and entertaining characters. I didn’t understand most of the jokes this ‘cartoon’ made, but the way the characters moved and stretched made me laugh. I decided I liked this particular show simply because of how silly it was; it made me forget for a moment about all the fuzzy thoughts going through my mind.

The food that sat in my stomach and the pain of my neck made my head dizzy, and my eyes involuntarily drooped. I couldn’t rightly turn my head, but after fifteen minutes or so, I waved at Ian.

“What’s up?”

“I think I’m ready for sleep,” I said, woozy.

“You sure? You don’t want to see the rest of the house?”

“I think I’ll… see it later, if it’s okay with you.”

I heard Ian rise and I felt a pair of warm hands lift me upwards. I expected Ian to hold me to his shoulder again, but then I felt myself lying prone in the crook of his arm.

“I’m not a child… silly kani,” I said quietly.

“Ha, you are too.”

I closed my eyes but hardly intended to fall asleep right then. I only made it to the top of the stairs before I fell unconscious.

My next sensation was one of extreme heat. My eyes opened, and I found myself in the familiar setting of the guest room. I don’t remember having been placed there, or beneath so many blankets. But as I lowered them from my chest, I found myself drenched in sweat. Ian must have thought that more blankets meant more comfort. The room itself was neutral, adding a bit to my discomfort. Yet I relaxed and let the distant breeze of the air conditioning wick the moisture away.

It was then I felt myself sitting in a terribly familiar state. I was naked again. Beneath and above my waist were cotton pads, same as before.

No, Ian would never… would he? Surely it was James.

Outside, the morning had been replaced with a dull light, and I could see a few raindrops upon the glass of the window. I pressed my hand upon the bandages of my shoulder and neck; they were sore and pulsing, but the bandages felt somehow new and tightly wound. I expected loose bandages, not more secure. I threw my eyes around to see the red lights beneath the old television. They read ‘2:36 P.M.’.

“Huh,” I mumbled. I’d only been asleep for a few hours.

Sleepy minutes passed when I heard the front door of the house open like a hammer on metal. To be honest, it shocked the daylights out of me for its volume. I couldn’t help but squirm as great footsteps bounded in my direction. Then, the footsteps slowed to silence, and I saw a great head slowly emerge from the side of the door frame. A large pair of green-blue eyes met mine.

“Lenn!” exclaimed Ian, who entered the room and quickly kneeled in front of the bed. He wore a hoodie and his hair appeared tossed, but he didn’t look too much different than when I had fallen asleep. “Are you okay? You scared me!”

I frowned.

“…what?” I rubbed an eye. “What do you mean? I just got up.”

“You’ve been asleep for two days! Dad told me not to worry, but I thought you were in another coma!”

I pulled the blanket further up my body, just to be sure.

“…it’s Monday?”

“Yeah,” Ian said. “I just got home from school.”

I hadn’t even remotely regained consciousness in all that time, even when the Petersens had handled me. Of course, when I had been in a ‘coma’, it was expected, but to sleep so soundly that not even humans could wake me…

Yul…” I whispered. “I guess I really did need sleep.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” Ian agreed.

It was silent for a moment as we both looked at each other awkwardly.

“Um,” I whispered. “Where are my pants?”

Ian blinked and scratched his arm.

“Oh. Yeah, Dad wasn’t sure if you were gonna… uh… pee on yourself…”

The expression on his face struck me immediately. I laughed out loud and covered my face with my hands.

“Ahh!” I growled. “I have never had so much trouble going to the bathroom before. It’s so embarrassing…”

Ian smiled and laughed as well.

“When you gotta go, you gotta go,” he said.

“Eh, speaking of which,” I said. “Can you help me? I… really need to go. I don’t like the thought of making a mess in my bed.”

“Oh yeah,” he said, raising his hands to take me. “Dad set up a bedpan on the floor to make things super easy.”

“Wait, wait. Pants first please.”

“Oh. Sorry! They’re over here.”

“Explain something to me,” I said, now seated in the chair in Ian’s bedroom. Ian had swung the chair towards his bed, which he sat upon. Beside me was the strange blue-bound book, and in Ian’s hands was his phone (which apparently had the same words). The book was opened to the first chapter, one called ‘Nephi’.


“This ‘Nephi’ person. And his father. It says they lived in ‘600 B.C.’ What does B.C. stand for?”

“B.C. means ‘before Christ’. I think.”

“So they lived 600 years before Christ lived? What would that be… 2600 years ago?”


“Right. So, Lehi prayed and saw a ‘pillar of fire’… like, a bonfire? Or something bigger?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Did God make the fire?”

Ian nodded.

“Does that happen a lot?”

Ian lightly laughed.

“Nah. I’ve only heard of it in the scriptures.”

“And then Lehi went to sleep and had a dream about a book and… something about Jerusalem, and… a-bom-in-ations? And Babylon? I don’t know these words.”

“Jerusalem is the city where the Jews lived. And Babylon was a bad place. I think ‘abominations’ means ‘sins’.”

“Who are the Jews?”

“They were God’s people in the Bible. They were also the people that killed Jesus.”

“God’s people… killed Heavenly Father’s Son?”

“It was really sad. They were really sinful.”

“So, with Lehi, God… or these ‘bright people’… told Lehi that Jerusalem was going to be destroyed and the people made slaves because of their sins?”

Ian nodded again.

“Sins are that bad?”

“Sometimes,” Ian said. “In the Bible, God gave the Jews the Ten Commandments. It says things like ‘don’t kill’, ‘don’t steal’, ‘keep the sabbath day holy’.”

“What’s the last one mean?”

“It, uh… It means go to church and learn about God on Sunday. And visit family and friends and help them.”

“The Jews were killing people and stealing and… not going to church? I mean, killing people and stealing is pretty serious. Not all of those people stole and killed, did they?”

“I don’t know. It sounds like they did. They didn’t listen to God’s prophets, and tried to kill them when they told them to repent, like Lehi.”

“What is ‘repent’?”

“Um, it’s asking God to take away your sins, and you promise not to do them anymore. Or, asking Jesus, since He was the One that died to take sin away.”

“Wait…” I said, holding up a hand. “I got confused. Is Heavenly Father God or is Jesus God? Are they both Gods?”

“Kinda? Dad told me that it’s just like a prayer: we pray to Heavenly Father in the name of Jesus. And then there’s the Spirit like it says right here,” he leaned over, and pointed to the line that began with the number eight. “That’s the Holy Ghost. He’s the one that guides us to do good things. So there’s Heavenly Father, Jesus, and the Holy Ghost. All three of them are the Godhead.”

“God… head? Two words? Or one word?”

“One word.”


“I know, kinda confusing. But there’s a scripture that says that their whole plan is to help all of us return to heaven.”

“Hmm,” I said, scratching my arm. “You said that we needed to be resurrected and have our bodies to get to heaven. Do we really? I don’t want to live forever dragging this stupid leg behind me.”

Ian grinned.

“But that’s the exciting part. When we’re resurrected, everything that’s wrong with us will be fixed. Your leg will be fixed, people who are blind will be able to see, and there won’t be any sickness. Because of Jesus, everything will be perfect.”

I perked up.

“Really? Where does it say that?”

“Hang on. Let me find it.”

I’m unsure what Ian was typing into his phone, but it only took him about thirty seconds to find what he was searching for.

“Yeah! Turn to Alma 40.”

“Um… where is that? Was he another prophet?”

“Yep. Here, I’ll find it,” Ian said, taking the book from me. He flipped through a large portion of the book until he found the right page, then he returned it to me. “This is one of the scriptures that talks about resurrection. See?”

I read in my head: “The soul shall be restored to the body, and the body to the soul; yea, and every limb and joint shall be restored to its body; yea, even a hair of the head shall not be lost.”

I thought about this for a moment.

Every hair? That’s a lot of hair. I’ll need a haircut in heaven then? Or several.”

“That would be weird, huh?” he laughed.

“I remember you said something about the spirit. Like a ghost but not? What is a spirit?”

“Without your body, you would be a spirit.”

“So I would have to be dead?”

“Not really. You have a spirit right now in your body. Or, I think you are your spirit. I was taught this in church: pretend you’re wearing a glove on your hand.”

He wiggled his fingers.

“The glove would be your body, and your hand would be your spirit. And the glove can’t move without your hand. And when you die, the glove – your body – stops moving. But your hand – your spirit – can move, and still lives on after your body dies.”

I frowned.

“So I’m a spirit wrapped in my body like a glove?” I’d never heard that before. “Strange. So if I die, my spirit will still be alive? I won’t actually be dead?”

Ian wobbled his hand back and forth.

“Your body will be dead, but your spirit won’t be. When you die, it isn’t the end. Oh see? A few verses back.”

I looked down and studied backwards.

“This one.”

I read silently: “There is a space between death and the resurrection of the body, and a state of the soul in happiness or in misery until the time which is appointed of God that the dead shall come forth, and be reunited, both soul and body, and be brought to stand before God, and be judged according to their works.”

“Hmm.” I shugged. “II would rather be happy than miserable when I die. So I’ll get my body back, and my legs won’t be crippled, and then God will judge me for my sins, what I’ve done wrong?”

“Yep. That’s why it’s important to repent and live right, so we can be happy.”

I then had an odd question.

“How tall is my spirit? Will I be taller than you when I’m resurrected, like a Iatvi? Or will I be smaller than you forever?”

Ian pursed his lips.

“I have no idea,” he admitted. “That would be cool if you were taller, though. Then you’d be my big brother instead of my little brother.”

“Hah. Funny.”

“Does any of this make any sense?” Ian asked.

I shrugged.

“A little. I’ll have to read more. You said you’re not good at explaining this, but you’re better than you think.”

Ian grinned.

“Thanks. I hope everything I said is right. If not, Dad will definitely know. He’s a teacher in our ward, so he’s really good at it.”


“Oh, um… our church group, I guess. There’s lots of wards that meet in the same building.”


“Do you want to keep reading, then? Or… I’ve got some homework that’s due tomorrow, and maybe you can help me with some of it?”

“I told you… unless it’s about reading, writing, or counting to ten, I’m not going to be of much help.”

“Do you know multiplication tables?”

I bounced my eyes around.

“Um. Multiple… kitchen tables?”

I got a sincerely confused stare back.


I laughed.

“I’m kidding. I think. You’ll probably have to teach me before I can teach you.”

“It’s just lots of memorizing.”

I shrugged.


I was this nerdy kid when I was growing up. I knew the scriptures pretty well (I thought) and I kept it reverent in church as best I could… even when I felt friendless. I tried to describe a conversation between a boy and someone who didn’t know anything. I hope it doesn’t sound overly preachy.

“So I have a soul? Or… I am my soul? And when I die, or my body dies, my soul won’t die along with it? I kinda like that idea. It makes death seem less scary. But where do I go after my body dies? I don’t stay here, do I? Invisible and floating around? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a soul.”

James and Catherine chuckled as Ian sucked down his food loudly.

“A lot of people think that,” Catherine said. “That dead people are just ghosts that haunt places. That may be, but I don’t think things aren’t quite that simple. There are also a lot of people that think that death is just the end, that once you die, you just stop… being. But we do know that we have both bodies and spirits, and when we die, we go to a place called the spirit world. Just like the scripture Ian shared with you, it’s the place we go to between death and the resurrection.”

“Spirit world?”

James nodded.

“When we die, our spirits continue to live on either in happiness or misery depending on how we’ve lived our lives. Good job, Ian, sharing those scriptures.”

Ian nodded and hummed, slurping his soup.

“So… what’s in the spirit world? Does it look like the regular world, with houses and trees, and regular things like that?”

“We don’t know exactly what it looks like on the other side,” said Catherine. “But we do know that we have family there watching over us that love us, and that many of them are working to call people to Christ.”

I frowned, scratching my bandages.

“What people? Dead people can teach about God?”

“Yes,” James said. “Just imagine how many people, humans or even your people, who have lived on Earth since the beginning of life. God loves all of His children, so He wants to teach them all, even the ones that have died without hearing about Him. So many of those people have never even heard of the Savior or Heavenly Father, or why they need the Atonement. Have you heard that word before?”

I shook my head.

“Ian probably told you about Jesus and how he died to save us from death and sin. But He did more than that. He felt every pain that people have ever experienced, endured all of the sickness and weakness of Heavenly Father’s children so everything could be made right. If you make mistakes, Christ is there to help you. If you get frustrated with your legs, Jesus knows exactly how that feels because He’s experienced it. Not physically, but mentally and spiritually.”

“Atonement. I’ve read ‘atone’ before. ‘Atone for crimes’, something like that. Matashk… Shame? Is it like shame? To feel shame for something?”

James pursed his lips.

“Not exactly, although shame goes hand-in-hand with poor choices, doesn’t it?”

I nodded.

“Let’s see…” James put his spoon aside and produced a large from his pocket. It looked remarkably like Ian’s in color, but much larger in size. He pressed a few buttons. “To atone: to make amends or reparations.”

“Repair-ations. Like, to fix something?”

“Right,” James said. “We don’t always act perfectly, do we? We always make mistakes. The Atonement ‘fixes’ us. But we have to do our part. That’s where repentance comes in.”

“So I’m… broken. Ian said that I need to repent so I can live in heaven. But… I don’t think I’ve ever done anything really bad. I haven’t… really killed anyone, or stolen anything… exactly. I haven’t gone to church, I guess, but I never knew what church was until now. I mean… does this Atonement fix everything? Like my legs? Did I… sin to make my legs this way? If I repent, will they be fixed?”

“No, your legs don’t have anything to do with something you did. Some things just happen. Life isn’t easy, and some are dealt more difficult circumstances than others. But I don’t have to tell you that.”

“Circum… stances?”

“Oh, um… different… situations? Some are poor, some are rich, some are sick, some are healthy. That sort of thing.”


“Jesus healed a lot of people when he was alive,” Ian said. “Maybe if Dad gives you a blessing, Jesus can fix your legs?”

“A blessing?” I said quickly. “I don’t know what that is.”

“It’s like a prayer that can give comfort and healing. But I’m not too sure about that. It’s true that Jesus healed people when He lived. But there are a lot of people with a lot of problems who won’t be whole until the resurrection. I help them every day, and it never gets any easier to see them suffer.”

My expression fell.

“Then…” I whispered, stirring my soup with my trowel-sized spoon. “I don’t get it. I’m pretty broken, but… what’s the point of repenting if it doesn’t actually fix me? Why should I do it?”

James’s face hardened into thought.

“Let’s see,” he said. “Can I share a scripture with you?”

I nodded. After a moment, he cleared his throat.

“This is in Alma as well,” he said. I was impressed how many answers came from this particular section. “Chapter thirty-four: ‘The verse says: ‘For behold, this life is the time for men to prepare to meet God’. This whole life is preparing us for a better one, so long as we soften our hearts and do right. Because of Christ’s Atonement, you can find peace in yourself right now and forever.”

“Hmm,” I said, folding my arms. Peace seemed a little too distant a promise, much less a ‘forever’ peace. “I’m… not sure I know some of those words. What does a soft heart mean? And I read the word… salvation? Salvation from what?”

“Well, I suppose someone with a hard heart would turn away from God’s promises to us, away from the Atonement. We’re not perfect,” Catherine said. “No one but Christ lived a sinless life. If it wasn’t for Him and the Atonement, we would never be able to return to live with Heavenly Father again and progress beyond this life. It’s salvation from death… and all the terrible things this world is filled with.”

“Right,” James said. “And repenting is about separating yourself from everything that stops you from progressing and learning. Repenting isn’t a one time thing. Look at it this way. Repentance is a way to work with Heavenly Father to improve yourself day by day. I believe that repentance isn’t just about telling God about everything you’ve done wrong. It’s about asking Him to change your mind and heart. In ways He would want you to change to become the best person you can be.”

I thought about everything for a moment.

“I guess I like the idea of repentance if it’s like that,” I said. “If I felt bad about everything I did all the time… Like I do right now… I wouldn’t be able to do it again and again.”

“Exactly,” James said. “It’s not about feeling terrible. Heavenly Father and Jesus love us too much to make repentance like that. It’s about improvement. And thanks to the Atonement, all those feelings you have about your family and your people abandoning you, or even your frustrations about your legs… It won’t immediately make it right, obviously, but it can help you forgive and help you heal emotionally. You could probably use some comfort, right?”

The pain of everything I said to you was eating me up inside. I could hide it by saying my guilt and anger came from the village, but… They didn’t matter, all the gatherers and all the elders. They were the least of my concern. I’d been abandoned by them all years before. You never abandoned me.

But I abandoned you.

I still don’t forgive myself for what I said to you. But if this heavenly Person could take away my pain, at least for a little while… I would never forget, but maybe the sting could go away until I could find you. I wrapped my arms around myself and closed my eyes. I suppose I should have been more surprised, but tears formed. I rubbed them away before they dropped.

I nodded to James.

“I… “ I whispered. “Yeah, I could… I could use that right now.”

“Repentance might not take away your physical challenges,” James said, gently patting my knee. “But you’d be surprised at how much more you can accomplish with a peaceful heart.”

I nodded and did my best to stop myself from feeling emotions of the past. I couldn’t deal with it all in front of the Iatvi around me. Not that they couldn’t help, I suppose. More because of the matashk that was apparent in my face.

“Peaceful is better than sad, huh Lenn?”

I looked up at Ian’s face as soup dribbled out of his mouth and down his chin as he said my name. His eyes widened as he leaned over his bowl. I couldn’t help but chuckle as I raised my arm against any potential splashing.

“Hey,” I said. “Don’t spit on me.”

He laughed as he smeared the soup from his mouth with the back of his hand.

“So…” I said, thinking. “How do you know about all of this? Is it all from these old books, these scriptures? But then… where did the scriptures come from? How do we have them thousands of years later?”

“Well,” James said. “We have scriptures because of righteous men called prophets. Some lived thousands of years ago, some hundreds, and some even live today. Did Ian tell you about prophets?”

“He did. Is it like an elder of a village?” I smiled and mimicked the facial feature I would never grow myself. “Maybe an ancient person with a big white beard?”

“Yep, some of them certainly had wild beards,” James chuckled. “I should show you some pictures. Today, they’re more clean shaven, but yes, I imagine they are much like your elders. They are wise leaders that lead God’s church and teach God’s children about Him.”

“In our village, each elder picked the next elder, and on and on. Does a prophet get picked like this?”

“Not exactly. God chooses his prophets.”


“There are technically many prophets today called apostles that teach and travel all over the world,” said Catherine. “But there is a single prophet that leads the church. He receives revelation for everyone.”


“Receiving information from God,” James explained. “I don’t know how often the prophet speaks with God directly, but he does. The prophet can receive revelation for the whole world. I can receive revelation for my family.” Then he pointed at me. “And you can receive revelation for yourself.”

I tilted my head.

“God can talk to me?”

“That’s what prayer is, right Dad?” Ian asked.

“Prayer is how we talk with God,” James said with a nod. “And we can receive answers from God through the scriptures or by listening to the prophet.”

“Oh. I thought God would speak to me… just like we’re talking. What about Lehi and the bonfire? Or in dreams?”

“He means a ‘pillar of fire’,” Ian said. “In Nephi.”

“In fires, not so often,” James said with a chuckle. “But the Spirit can sometimes speak to us in dreams, or even in the middle of the day when you’re awake. Sometimes I’ll be doing something at work or at home, and I’ll have a thought about how God can help me be a better husband for Catherine and a father to Ian. Revelation usually comes through simple things. The Spirit speaks in different ways, but once you come to recognize it and act on what you feel is right, it gets easier to hear.”

“Oh. The spirit. Not my spirit, but the Ghost? The Holy Ghost?”

James nodded.

“You and Ian covered a lot of ground, didn’t you?”

“I think so.”

Ian nodded, almost finished with his bowl of food. I hadn’t even touched mine yet.

“We’ve covered a lot of ground, too. And this is all new to you, isn’t it?”

Sia, ven,” I said. “I mean, yes, it is. But it all sounds good.”

“I’m glad. Take some time to think about it, and hopefully it can help you feel better about yourself and everything that’s happened to you.”

James turned back to his food, but then something connected in my mind.

“Um… James?” I said. James looked down at me again. “…when Ian said Heavenly Father for the first time, it suddenly felt really important to me. I’d never heard the two words combined before, but they felt right, like… nepio… a puzzle? Like pieces of something fit together, or…“ My face turned red. “Sorry, I don’t think I’m making much sense.”

James lit up like I’d never seen him before, and Catherine smiled at him.

“No, you’re making more sense than ever. What do you think about it?”

I looked down at the table.

“I mean, it wasn’t a voice. Just… something really strange. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. It’s why I asked Ian if I could learn about God in the first place.”

“I’d say something pretty important happened, wouldn’t you?” James said. “Moments like that mean something you just heard or learned is true.”

I paused for a moment. And then an entertaining thought struck me.

“I didn’t feel anything like that when I learned where the Mediterranean was.”

James and Catherine laughed.

“Good thing the Holy Ghost doesn’t quite do His work like that,” James said. “My head would burst from all of the new things I learn every day.”

“I never get good feelings about things like math,” Ian said. “That means multiplication and fractions must not be real important.”

“Hah, you’re funny, kid,” James said. “You’re still doing your homework. And yes, I heard you in your room. Lenn isn’t going to do it for you, is he?”

“Ugh,” he growled, throwing his head backwards and slumping in his chair. “No!”

I laughed.

“And, no, I’m not riding in your backpack to give you the answers on your next test.”

Catherine’s face flashed with shock.

“Ian James Petersen! Don’t you dare!”

“What? No!” He pointed at me. “He’s making that up! I didn’t say that!”

Ian gently pushed my head sideways, and when James barked at him, I had to pull back my laughter to make my throat stop burning.

And this is what I did on my mission to Los Angeles. If someone had a question about resurrection, that’s the first place I went. That’s what it’s all about: all things set to their proper frame, mind and body. Why would Lenn be different?

Before I settled in for the night, Catherine had an admittedly expected ‘surprise’: with a flexible measuring strip, she had me stand up upon the bed and raise my arms up high. Writing down each measurement on a pad of paper, she placed the tape across different areas of my chest as well as around my waist. She simply said the results of her project would be ‘another present’, even though it was fairly easy to deduce what she had in mind. I played dumb, just for her sake. I also didn’t tell her Ian had already told me. I didn’t want to sour anything.

I slept very well that night, and experienced no dreams. I was just grateful that the cotton pads were gone and my pants were on. I’d only known James for a few weeks, but I trusted him several times more than any herbalist I’d ever visited. The bandages I wore were itchy and coarse, and the wipes and creams he applied smelled sickeningly medicinal, but for nearly having my throat torn open and nearly bleeding to death twice now, I felt very comfortable. Very tired, but comfortable. I didn’t have any fear of the dark inside that bedroom, even with the churning of the air pumping through the home’s vents and the gentle clicking of the annoying bug repellent in the hall outside.

In the blink of an eye, dark night turned to morning, and I found something lightly nudging my shoulder.


I blinked my eyes and initially looked towards the window until my senses pulled me sideways.

“Lenn,” whispered a boy’s voice.

“…Ian?” I asked. I carefully rubbed an eye. “What is it?”

“I’m going to school. Dad wanted me to ask you if you needed anything before I go. Water? Food?”

My addled brain thought for a moment.

“Um…bathroom,” I whispered, feeling the bandage at my throat. The pain was particularly intense that morning.

Ian helped me to the floor and I could hardly stand on my own. I moaned lightly and wobbled back and forth above the bed pan, and even my lungs couldn’t take in much air. I’m sure Ian wasn’t looking, but it took all of my strength to finish. In fact, I barely pulled my pants back up before I collapsed to the carpet on my bottom. When I grunted from the crash, Ian turned around.

“Lenn? What’s wrong?”

“I don’t… I don’t know…” I whispered. My head spun like someone stirring syrup. “I think… I worked myself… too hard yester… yesterday.”

“What can I do?”


“Yeah yeah. Should I pick you up?”

“Uh-huh… I can’t get up… by myself.”

Ian did so, and placed me back in bed. After helping me with a drink of water and a piece of apple, he departed, reminding me that Catherine would check on me every once in a while. As it turned out, this wasn’t necessary at all, as I slept without interruption until I again felt a soft nudge on my shoulder. My eyes opened, and I turned my head (with much difficulty) to see Ian’s eyes. I didn’t register the time of day.

“Sorry Lenn,” he said quietly. “Mom wanted me to check on you again.”

Already? Had he left for school at all? Had he even left the house?

I contemplated my existence for a moment. This alone was difficult. My arms weighed like lead and I could hardly bring air into my chest. I flexed my fingers and my toes, and this was a struggle. I had no attention, and everything was blurred. After a moment of not responding, Ian nudged my shoulder again as if unsure I had heard him.

“Lenn? Are you okay?”

Neh, vai faem… dalbea…

“I… I don’t know what that means.”

Neh phodia… undai lai lediaji… Monria… codi…

I was out of it, thinking only of you. I felt a human finger brush across my hair.

“Lenn… I can’t understand you. Can you speak English? Don’t fall asleep, please… I have to know you’re okay…”

My eyelids fluttered open and closed, and I saw stars in my vision. I had no nausea, but the mind beneath my brow was pulsing.

Via… Ke… I… I’m…”

I lifted my left hand, and I felt a pair of fingertips grip it tightly.

“Ian…” I whispered. “Reli, I’m… need to…”

“Don’t, don’t, please don’t go to sleep…” Ian’s voice said. “I don’t want you to.”

For about two minutes, it was all I could do to keep my eyes open and live in the world. Perhaps the only thing that tethered me to reality was the sensation of Ian gently rubbing my hand together in his fingers. I had never felt quite like this before, so tired and weak. When it finally exhausted itself, there was nothing for my body to do but shut down.

“Aria…” I whispered. “Unor, Ar… Aria…”

I blew more air, but my voice didn’t follow along.

“Lenn… Tell me what that means. Please tell me.”

My sight went black.

I have no idea how much time passed. Five minutes? An hour? A day? The next feeling was a solid cold weight pressing against my chest. I looked, and bending down above me was the silhouette of James. Ian knelt beside him again rubbing my hand as if he hadn’t departed. For all I knew, he hadn’t. The weight was a stethoscope, and James’s expression was neutral.

“He’s awake, he’s awake…” Ian said, his voice filled with concern. “Is he gonna be okay?”

It was a moment more before James spoke.

“I can hardly hear his heartbeat,” he said.

“What? Is he gonna die?!”

“No, don’t worry. I don’t think so. He’s still feeling the effects of losing so much blood, probably.” I felt the back of a finger brush across my forehead. “He’s sweating, so no fever. That’s a good sign.”

I felt dizzy. Perhaps a bit more lucid, but still floating in my own little pond.

“Lenn? Are you awake?”

“Ian…” I whispered.

“Are you all right? Can you speak English?”

Tareh… ahh… wa-water…”

“Go grab him some, Ian,” James said, and Ian shot away from my side like a bolt. “What are you feeling?”

Hoda… c-cold…” I stammered.

“I’ll bring in a space heater to make sure you stay warm.”

This is how I made this story a bit personal. Like I said, I never meant to publish it. But hey, here it is. Why shouldn’t a family be members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints? I am part of one, and I’m doing just fine.

I Am Lenn – Chapter Five

I awoke before the sun did. Or it seemed I had. From what I could tell, the day would be a stormy one. I looked over towards where the red clock numbers under the television should have been, and I found myself instead staring at the sleeping body of a boy. Ian was facing me, and most of his blanket had fallen down towards his feet during the night. I couldn’t tell before, but he was shirtless and appeared to be wearing long flannel pajamas.

It was curious. Usually I woke to my own scent in my blankets, which was awful at the best of times. But in the last few days, my skin instead smelled like soap. Like an Iatvi. I had asked James, and indeed, Doctor Petersen was the reason I had no trace of dirty canal left on any part of me: he had cleaned every part of me himself. This didn’t concern me as much as it could have; it was more the fact that I previously had a pad beneath me and a towel on top to take care of bathroom business. He told me that, considering my bandages, it was probably a bad idea that I tried to bathe in the sink anyway, so he used cold and wet wipes to clean around the sealing injury. These two facts that he had cared for me this way made me incredibly embarrassed and humble, and during those days in his care, I thanked him every single day.

Of course, there was nothing to do with my hair; no man could tame it, not even me.

That morning, though, the room smelled different. One was laundry detergent, stronger now. The second was Ian and his blanket. Without the clash of anything cooking in the kitchen, it was strangely comforting. Yes, I had siblings, but I never really knew them or spent time with them. I slept alone in the cold in my little school. Even during the summers in the forest, when the sunlight streamed through the gaps in the ceiling, I awoke to silence. Sleeping close to an unfamiliar person, I didn’t know how to feel about it.

I raised myself up, and felt the burn across my neck. It had improved in the few days since, but getting used to movement in the morning was a struggle. I sat up and popped my back as I lurched forwards. A yawn emerged, and I stifled it as much as possible to keep my throat and neck from overstretching. My blanket was warm, but so was the room, so I tossed it away from me. My right leg stretched easily, my left leg not so much. It may have been warped, but it needed stretching too; I bent it as far as it would, the knee slightly bending forwards instead of backwards. Good enough. It never got ‘better’, exactly, but I felt incredibly strong compared to my life as a teenager. You always told me to go out and exercise, but I never did listen. If I had known I would be putting so much pressure on this weak leg of mine, fighting for my life… Well, I might have been more attentive to your advice.

For a moment, I simply sat there, too tired to get up, too awake to fall back asleep. I kept looking back at the boy sleeping. A week and a half ago, I would have died of a heart attack to be so close to an ataika, this young boy. I couldn’t get over the difference in our sizes and lives. I wished again what I’d wished many times: I wished I were Iatvi. A smart Iatvi who could walk and talk with other Iatvi and go anywhere I please in complete safety.

If I had said as much to any of the gatherers or elder Iatili in the village, I would be kicked or spit on. Iatvi kept vicious monsters like cats and dogs as pets. They set traps for mice, but might as well have set traps for us. I would be swiftly reminded of how destructive and murderous they all were.

They weren’t wrong, I suppose, thinking about how one careless action by the child sleeping beside me could have ended my life. What was a teachable moment for him put me in a coma for three days. But then, those damn vyshtal, those idiots back at the village, were never wrong, and the spears and hooks they wielded ensured it. My people weren’t different from the Iatvi, though. Just as destructive. Just as murderous. They simply thought they had power and knowledge, where the Iatvi had that and much more.

You didn’t speak to me when I tried to talk to you about these things. You walked away from me more than once. But the Petersens never abandoned me, or threw me away. Ian wasn’t the one who gave me the scar across my neck. Or my sadness. I could blame the elders all I wanted, of course. I could blame my parents. But in the end, my choices were what ruled me.

All the negative emotions that welled up in my mind buzzed about so loudly, my head lifted and I looked at Ian as if he would wake by the chaos of it. But he was still fast asleep. I sighed and attempted to put it out of my mind; now sleep was truly far from me.

Trying not to grunt and groan, I fought through my bandages and my bum leg to stand. If I jumped or took mighty steps, I imagined the bed would shake Ian up.

A thought crossed my mind, a delightful one that shook me out of my haze in an instant. I wanted to do something. It would be strange. Daring. And when would I ever get the chance to do it again? My lips curled at the prospect.

I crawled out of my ‘nest’ and onto the bed itself; my bedding didn’t lay upon a mattress only, but a soft stitched blanket on top neatly laid flat… well, mostly flat, before Ian crashed down upon it. The bed was decidedly thinner even by Iatvi standards, as my bedding sat only a foot away from Ian’s dozing head. Or did he just move closer to me during the night? I shrugged, and approached him.

I couldn’t believe it: for the first time, I stood taller than him. Taller than his head was wide, anyway. I could see the red clock lights over his messy hair. Both his arms were laid in front of his head, blocking me from his face. I had to do something about them first.

I stood there for a moment, planning my method. I bent down and tested how best to do this. With the softest touch of my hand, I slid my fingers over his wrist. I continued brushing his skin for a moment, pinging the ethereal hairs that grew across the surface. And then it happened: his lower hand zipped around and scratched the spot with his fingernails. I pulled away just in time, and watched Ian’s face for a moment. His eyes didn’t open. He remained asleep.

I smiled. Now how to open up his arms…

I hobbled over to his elbows; his golden-white torso wider than I was tall, his scent very strong. If he reacted badly, I would probably get splattered between his arm and his chest. So, prepared to jut backwards, I reached out my hand and slid my fingers across his smooth arm. Again, no immediate effect. But then I reached up higher and higher, aiming for his underarm. And in a flash, his hand flew to itch, and I threw myself into the fabric beneath me.

Unfortunately, this had the wrong reaction. Ian fell from his side to his back. I frowned. Not what I intended.

So, standing to my feet and returning to Ian’s head, I folded my arms carefully and pondered. The idea popped into my head. Right in front of me (more specifically, at thigh level) was Ian’s ear. I stepped around to the top of Ian’s head, wary of the hand that would surely fly to correct my actions. I parted his soft brown hair to gain access, and bent down.

A week ago, I would have considered this incredibly suicidal. The threat level had been reduced to just probably suicidal. I reached my hand down against the ear and traced my finger around the flexible outer edge. I even squeezed his ear lobe out of simple curiosity. I couldn’t stop a laugh; Ian was right, I was weird, the whole thing was weird. He didn’t move right away, although I did see his head and his lips twitch at my touch. So I went with something a bit more influential. I bent lower and drew my finger right around the edge of the dark hole of his ear. When this didn’t work, I stuck all my fingers in there and wiggled them around.

Like a bolt of lightning, his hand flew to his ear, and I backed away. He groaned as he jammed his finger into the hole, and I thought for sure he was going to wake. To my surprise, he didn’t appear to. In fact, he rolled back over onto his side, I’m assuming, to ensure the itching of his ear wouldn’t happen again.

I thought I was such a genius.

Without his arms to stop me, I stepped before his enormous sideways face. Now I could enact my plan. I bent down, and the morning breath from his nose hit me immediately; not the most pleasant smell in the world. It was time to stop that. With both my hands, I pressed Ian’s soft nose together. The air stopped. The effect was immediate. His mouth opened to replace his nose and he sucked in, snorting and vibrating and gurgling like an engine. I struggled to hold a laugh; his nose wasn’t difficult to keep closed, but I only held it for a moment more. I released it, and he returned to normal.

I learned that day that the strange kid could sleep through anything.


I whispered. I waited. Nothing.

“Ian,” I said in a normal speaking voice.


I gave Ian’s nose a soft bop with my fist. He flinched, but didn’t open his eyes.

Time to bring out the guaranteed solution: screaming. I cleared my throat.


Ian’s eyes shot wide open and he let out what could only be described as a voice-cracking yelp. He sat up like a spring-loaded boulder, throwing me backwards on my rear. It hurt my neck a bit.

“Huh? What? Wha…! Lenn!”

His eyes quickly shot in the direction of my bedding, and he leaned over to look inside, ignoring me completely. I was in shock at the boy appearing to collapse upon me, but my laugh was building despite the danger. When Ian saw the bedding empty, his face became the very image of panic.

“Lenn!” he shouted, obviously disoriented. “Lenn, where are you!”

He looked underneath the blanket at his feet, across the bed, towards the television, and beneath him on the floor below.

I couldn’t help it. I burst out with laughter, kicking my legs and trying very hard not to put strain on my neck. Ian’s eyes descended upon me, and for a split second didn’t understand what was going on. Unfortunately, he picked it up quick.

“You!” he said, pointing an accusing finger. “It was… it was you!

“No!” I said, rounding my ‘O”. “It wasn’t me. It was just your imagination!”

Without warning, Ian came crashing back down. He made the entire bed bounce to the point where I think I parted with the surface for a moment. Lifting his head with his hands, his lips curled into a malevolent grin, showing his large and awkward front teeth.

“So…” he asked. “Are you ticklish?”

“No, uh… n-not at all. Why… would you ask me that?”

“Which one’s your good leg?” he asked me next, his fingers creeping dangerously close to my feet.

“Uh…” I said, my eyes going wide. “Neither. They’re both bad.”

“That’s not what you said. This one?” he asked, his thumb and forefinger pinching my left foot.

“Ah!” I cried. “Not that one! Please!”

“Oh,” he said, grabbing my right foot. “So it’s this one.”

“No, uh… that’s, um…”

Immediately, he used one hand to grab my right knee in place, and dug his fingernail across the bottom of my foot. Later, I was impressed at the care he took not to hurt me, but that didn’t occur to me at that moment; I was too busy panicking as my nerves exploded and I burst out into uncontrollable laughter. It was the first time I’d really laughed in months. I didn’t even care about my wounds. The voice that emerged from my throat came out loud and clear, rasping all the while.

After the torture ended (sooner than I thought it would), I laid exhausted as Ian crawled over and sat on the end of the bed. He stretched, impressively reaching his hands beyond his bare feet, finishing with a yawn; I could hardly believe that one of his feet was much wider than me, and a good amount of my height. Now that he was seated, I could see how… healthy he looked? Thinking back on the kids at the village, they were always dirty, hungry, and skinny. Ian was, for lack of a better word, spotless. And he had a good amount of meat on his bones, by comparison. Olem, if not for Ian, I would have wasted away just like the kids. As I stood and walked towards him, he folded his legs beneath him and hunched over, a tired yet comfortable smile on his face.

“I’m not sure I like my new voice,” I told him, taking a seat on the bed about a foot and a half away from him. “I sound like a tired old man.”

“Your voice was different before?” he asked.

I nodded.

“I wonder if it will ever change back.”

“That kinda makes me sad.”

“It’s okay. I’m just glad I don’t have to use sticky notes anymore. Talking is much easier.”

Ian chuckled.

“Nice pants, by the way.”

“Oh… yeah. I keep losing my voice before I can thank your mom for them. Would you tell her for me? Tell her that they’re the best gift I’ve ever gotten.”

“Uh-huh,” Ian said. He cupped a hand to his mouth. “I’m not supposed to tell you, but she said she’s going to make you a shirt, too.”

Yul… Really?”


“No, uh… yul. It means, um… ‘wow’, I guess.”

“Oh,” Ian said. “Remember when you told me your name? You’re just ‘Lenn’? You really don’t have a last name?”

I shook my head.

Iatili don’t have last names. Just titles.”


“It’s what I am,” I said. “I… don’t think it has a direct translation. ‘Iat’ means person. ‘Ili’ doesn’t really have a meaning itself.”

“‘Iat’? Like, Iatvi?

“You remembered? Vah sulm, Ian. ‘Vi’ doesn’t have a meaning by itself either, except to describe what you are.”

Vah sulm?

I shook my head.

“Sorry. Instinct. It means ‘you’re good’.”

Vah sulm,” Ian repeated. “I’ll remember that. So what was your title?”

I rolled my eyes and bit my lip.

“I… don’t want to tell you.”

“Why not?”

“It’s embarrassing.”

“Come on, tell me,” Ian said. “I won’t laugh or anything, I promise.”

I frowned.


“What’s that mean?”

“…it doesn’t mean anything.”

“Huh?” he said. He peered down at me. “It has to. You can’t just tell me and not say what it means.”

I growled.

“You’re going to laugh, and I don’t want you to. Everyone does.”

He zipped his lips shut with his fingers.

“I won’t make a sound.”

My brow sunk as my eyes watched his.

“It means…” I sighed. “‘Cute… little… teacher boy.’”

Ian’s neck went downwards to plug his throat.

“Don’t you dare!” I pointed my finger at him. “I told you not to laugh!”

“I didn’t!” Ian said with a grin. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t call you… say it again? ‘Kani’ something?”

“I’m not telling you. The gatherers gave me that title when I was ten, and the stupid thing stuck. They used it just to make fun of me.”

“Cute little boy,” Ian said, pinching my hair upwards with his finger and thumb. I shoved him away.

“Stop it! Olem, I’m not little, and I’m not a boy! I’m older than you!”

Ian giggled.

“What’s oh-lum mean?”

“It means…” I said, still a bit steamed. “Ah, I don’t know. You say it when something bothers you.”

“Like me.”

“Yes, like you,” I grinned.

Ian rested a hand on his chin.

“So,” Ian said. “What’s your language called? Like, English, French, Spanish?”

“None of those. It’s ‘Iatnasi’.

“Yee-aht-nah-see…” Ian said, looking up at the ceiling. “Yee-aht. I thought you said that meant ‘person’.”

“It does. ‘Iat’ means ‘person’, and ‘nasi’ means ‘words’, so… ‘person of words’. Words are just like a person who can act and make change. The elders knew it was important to learn English, so that’s why I was able to live as a teacher. Even though the parents of my students didn’t like the idea of learning reading and writing from… a… ‘norisin’… oh, what’s the English word…?”

I folded my arms.

“Someone whose limbs are crooked and can’t walk…”

“Don’t say that.”

“I’m just trying to think of the English word.”

“Um…” Ian hummed, folding his arms as well. After a moment, he said: “I can’t think of anything.”

I shook my head.

“Um, they… Oh, they didn’t like a broken boy like me teaching their kids, since they might learn to think and act like I do. But the elders insisted they learn English from someone, and I happened to be there.”

“And then they just kicked you out?”

I nodded.

“Most of my family had died by then, and so had all the elders that had let me teach. The village decided to move, and they decided I couldn’t keep up. So much for all the kids I taught for all those years.”

“So what happened?”

“Well…” I said, scratching my head. “My friend Aria… tried to speak up for me. But they didn’t listen to her. And… I was so afraid… I…”

Ian rested his arms on his knees and his head in his hands, waiting patiently.

Via havilktal,” I whispered beneath my breath, looking down at my hands. “Neh anga lai ehr ilir…

Ian frowned.

“What did you say? What’s that mean?”

I closed my eyes. The memory was too fresh.

“It means…” I whispered. “I can’t talk about it. Maybe I’ll tell you another time.”

Ian lifted up, grabbing one of his big toes.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“All I’ll say is,” I told him. “Don’t say anything to your family that drives them away. Always treat them right and love them, no matter what.”

“Even the family that hates you?”

So he remembered what I’d written about… them. I shot a frown at the boy. He made a face.

“Dad’s right, I have a big mouth. Sorry.”

“You say dev a lot.”

“What does ‘dev’ mean?”

“It means ‘sorry’. Devtol means ‘very sorry’.”

“‘Deev-tall’. I’ll remember that. I think. You’ll have to say all these words to me again.”

“I will,” I said. “I’ll probably slip up and start speaking Iatnasi a lot. So, via devtal lai li Iatnasi ilir. I’m sorry if I speak Iatnasi.

“That sounds cool,” Ian said. “I’ve never heard a language like that. Wait… can you say a bunch of words all together? Like, a few sentences? I want to hear what it sounds like fast.”

“You won’t understand anything.”

“That’s okay.”

“Hmm. What will I say… How about: “Qin vis ataika, preda dur lai vaisi waer lia umovre Iatvi. Angisi lai komar komesol sas zerike, janeir jani tol parda devi, eilir li eilwae hoji pendu devi. Nedilat tevralisi lai monrisi dol penduar lia pendu ves.

Ian sat stunned for a moment.

“…what did you say?”

“Nothing important,” I said with a shrug.

“Huh.” Ian shrugged back.

He didn’t press the issue further.

“So what about you?” I asked him. “Who are you, Ian Petersen?”


Ian pursed his lips sideways and looked at the ceiling.

“I dunno,” he finally said.

“Come on,” I groaned, folding my arms. “You’re the first Iatvi I ever meet, and you just say ‘I dunno’?”

“But I’m boring,” Ian said with a moan. “All I do is go to school all day and sleep.”

“But you get to sleep in a warm bed!” I said. “And I’m assuming your school isn’t some cardboard box in the dirt. Does your school have a name?”

“Yeah,” Ian said. “Broadmore Elementary School.”

“And what do you learn at Broadmore Elementary School?”

“Um… math, English, how to use computers, science, P.E..”

Most of the words were familiar. I knew the word ‘computer’. I didn’t know anything but that.

“What’s P.E.? Does it stand for something?”

“I think so,” Ian said. “Something exercise. Oh, physical exercise. Yeah, like running, push-ups, sit-ups, that sort of thing.”

“How long do you go to this school during the week?” I asked.

“Everyday except for Saturday and Sunday, and class starts at 7:45.”

“In the morning?”


My shoulders slumped.

Yul. My kids would never have learned anything that early.”

“I know,” Ian said with a nod. “I don’t.”

“And when do you get back? Nine? Ten?”

“No. I get out at 2:15.”

I counted the hours in my head.

“That’s… six and a half hours!”

Ian nodded.

“I know! It’s too long.”

“I was lucky to get an hour of teaching before everyone got bored… How does your teacher do it?”

“She makes it fun,” Ian said. “Well, kind of. Missus Olsen teaches all kinds of different stuff.”

“Oh. Okay. You probably read lots of books, not just scraps of paper.”

“Yeah,” Ian moaned. “I hate it. My textbooks are so boring.”

“What?” I asked. “No! No book is boring! Iatvi books are amazing!”

Ian looked down at me with piercing eyes and pouty lips.

“But you’re a teacher. You think all books are cool.”

“Yeah, and you should too! You can learn anything you want from books!”

Ian’s insidious glare sat upon me for a moment. Then, he deftly turned himself right off the bed, making me bounce. Now on his feet, he became the tower of a child that I remembered.

“Come ‘ere,” he said, holding out both of his hands to me. “I’ll show you where you can really learn anything you want.”

I don’t quite know what expression I wore at that moment, but it must have been frightful as Ian’s intensity melted.

“Don’t worry, Lenn. I’ll be careful with you. Promise.”

I hesitated for only a moment more before hauling myself up. I didn’t reach for Ian, exactly; more like lifted my arms and waited for his hands to grab hold of my waist. I half-expected Ian to fling me into the sky, but he was very slow in bringing me upwards. As if holding a toddler, Ian placed me over his shoulder again, and I balanced myself by holding onto his shoulder bone. His unblemished skin was remarkably smooth, and to be honest, being rested against it unsettled my nerves.

“Ahh…” I whispered.

Ian paused immediately.

“What? Did I do something wrong?”

“No, it’s… it’s just…” My hands slid across the warm surface of Ian’s shoulder. “This is very strange.”

“Me holding you?”

I nodded.

“If you told me a month ago that I would be held by an Iatvi boy now, I would have done something… different.”

I looked over at his face, and he wore a solemn expression, perhaps even hurt.

“No no,” I said, waving my hands. “I don’t mean to insult you. It’s nothing you’ve done. I’ve just been taught all my life to avoid Iat… I mean, humans, at all costs. But now that I’ve met you…”

Ian nodded.

“I get it. If I were your size, I’d be scared all the time.”

Phosia, via… Er, I mean… I know I’m lucky. You and your whole family have been nothing but kind to me.” I patted Ian’s shoulder. “And me tearing my throat open is not your fault. Someday, if you ever take me back to that river, you’re going to help me find whatever it was that slashed me and we’re going to bury it.”

Ian laughed, sending vibrations through me.

“I promise,” he said.

“Okay. Where are you taking me?”

“Just to my room,” he said, and stepped towards the door.

“Oh, wait,” I said quickly.

“What’s up?”

“Can you…” I smiled sheepishly, pointing to the side table. “Can you grab one of those crackers for me?”

Ian grinned.


Compared to the small guest bedroom, the dining room and kitchen were practically freezing. Ian’s feet thumped across the hard floor, and I felt like I was riding some large beast. I munched on the cracker in my hands; not only was it not rotten and damp, I’d never had anything that crunched so delightfully. Once across the kitchen, I took a terrible bite and a fourth of the cracker followed its namesake, cracking away and falling against Ian’s chest and onto the carpet below.

Ian kept walking.

“Getting my house dirty…” Ian whispered under his breath.

I gulped.

Dev…” I said.

“I’m kidding!” he responded cheerfully as he entered his room.

Ian passed the chair in the center of the floor and placed me upon his bed with much care. I sat down as he turned to his desk. This room was also chilly, although it would probably be just right if I’d been properly dressed. From the tabletop he unplugged the strange device I’d seen a week prior, the thing he’d described as a phone.

My heart sank.

“I… I don’t want to learn about polio anymore.”

Ian looked confused for a moment.

“What? No, don’t worry, we don’t have to. We can learn about anything else. Can you scoot over a bit?”

I tried to, but found it difficult.

“Need help?”

“Yes, please.”

With both hands around my hips and legs, he slid me down past the center of his bed. He then took a seat, swung his legs right over my head, and laid down flat. After adjusting his pillow to lift himself up, he waved at me.

“Here, come see.”

Careful not to break the rest of my cracker on Ian’s bed, I got on a hand and knee until I reached the side of Ian’s arm. I tried to stay seated on my own, but found it easier to lean against the boy’s bicep; I did so lightly, still a bit hesitant to rely on him. With Ian on his back, I could easily see the phone’s screen that he held upright just above his belly. He pressed a few buttons on the phone until a nearly blank screen appeared. He pressed a box with a finger, and letters appeared for typing.

“What do you want to learn about?” he asked, looking at me.

I looked back at him blankly, munching on the cracker.

“What do you mean?”

“What have you always wanted to learn? I’ll search for it on the internet.”

I swallowed, and the cracker burned all the way down.

“What’s an internet?”

“Nope, no questions, just tell me what you want to know.”

I looked at the phone and then up at the ceiling. Something that I’d always wanted to learn? I scratched my cheek.

“This is silly…”


“I… I know zhereda… Um, what’s the English word…? Light. Light something. Oh, lightning, yeah. I know it comes from the sky when it rains. But why?”

“Oh, that’s a good question,” Ian said. “I actually don’t know that either.”

Ian’s thumbs went to work, spelling the words ‘why does lightning happen’ in the box. The next screen that appeared was filled with line upon line of information. Ian read the largest text first.

“It says… ‘Lighter, positively charged particles form at the top of the cloud. Heavier, negatively charged particles sink to the bottom of the cloud. When the positive and negative charges grow large enough, a giant spark – lightning – occurs between the two charges within the cloud.’”

“Positive and negative… what? I don’t understand.”

“Me neither. Hang on.”

His thumb clicked one of the lines, and a page came up filled with text.

“Lightning is… an electric current. Oh. Have you ever seen a power outlet? Hopefully you’ve never put anything metal in one. I did when I was little. It gives you a big shock.”

“Power outlets and lightning are the same thing?”

“Yeah,” Ian said. “It’s electricity. Electricity makes things work.”

“So lightning makes things work, too?”

“Well… not really. It’s too strong. And it strikes all over the place, so no one can use it. I don’t think so, anyway.”

I folded my arms.

“So… electricity comes from clouds. What else does it say?”

Ian read:

“When the ground is hot, it heats the air above it. This warm air rises. As the air rises, water vapor cools and forms a cloud…”

“Okay, water in the clouds, which is why it rains.”

“When air continues to rise, the cloud gets bigger and bigger. In the tops of the clouds, the temperature is below freezing and the water vapor turns into ice. Now, the cloud becomes a thundercloud. Lots of small bits of ice bump into each other as they move around. All these collisions cause a build up of electrical charge.”

I scratched my head.

“Ice makes electricity?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“Keep reading.”

“‘Eventually, the whole cloud fills up with electrical charges. Lighter, positively charged particles form at the top of the cloud. Heavier, negatively charged particles sink to the bottom of the cloud…’” He skipped a bit. “Oh. ‘This is like static electricity sparks, but much bigger.’”

“Wait, wait… static is electricity?”

“Uh-huh,” Ian said. “It’s just really really weak electricity.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Weak to you, maybe! Every time I get shocked, I feel my heart stop!”

“I’ll have to remember that next time I shuffle my feet across my carpet with socks on.”


Ian frowned at me.

“You’ve never heard of that? That’s the quickest way to shock someone with static.”

I lifted myself from Ian’s arm and waved my hands.

“Well, don’t try to do it! My heart’s been through enough!”

Ian laughed.

“That’s true,” he said. “What else do you want to learn about?”

For about an hour, we went back and forth exploring this strange thing called the ‘internet’ on his phone. I learned about how Iatvi purify their water for safe drinking, how Iatvi books are made and published, and even about how far away the moon is from the earth (yes, it is another world, although much smaller than ours and without air). Part of the internet included a massive collection of information about everything humans knew about the world and the people in it, and nearly every word on each page connected to another page. Page after page after page, I pointed out a word, and Ian would pull up more info. I felt, and he agreed, that we could spend an eternity doing this.

They were so much beyond us. I always inherently knew that, but it hadn’t really sunk in until then. What had I accomplished in life? I taught some kids to read and speak a language that wasn’t ours. The first time I’d ever left the comfort of a home I hated, I became mortally injured and had to rely on someone else to support me… as had been the case as long as I could remember.

The more I learned from Ian, the more depressed I became. It should have been exciting, with a world of information at my fingertips. But it wasn’t, not then. After a while, I slid myself away from Ian’s arm and moved to the edge of the bed, clutching my middle against the chilly air. Ian continued reading for a moment until he realized I wasn’t listening anymore.

“…Lenn?” he asked me, rising from the bed. “What’s wrong? You’re not in pain, are you?”

I shook my head after shooting a glance at the boy.

“No, I’m just… I’m nothing,” I whispered.

“What? Nothing?”

Ian slid towards the end of the bed and took a seat beside me, his phone now turned off and in his lap.

“Is it something I said?”

I shook my head again, clearing my hoarse throat.

“No, you’re fine, it’s just…” I shut my eyes. “Vysht, I… I’m smaller than… everything. Crippled. That’s the word I was trying to remember before. Crippled. Everything in this world can kill me. ”

I took a breath.

“A mile is a four-hour journey to someone with working legs, and a whole day for me. But you can drive a car that distance in minutes, seconds even. My body isn’t the only thing that’s crippled. My mind, too. It seems like everything in the world has already been discovered. So what’s the point in learning it? I can read and write, but that’s all I’ve ever known. I’m crippled, and the only thing I’ve loved in life was learning about what humans knew. I’m nothing. I don’t know anything.

Ian said nothing. I didn’t look at him.

“The only reason I’m alive is because of others. Aria fed me and clothed me until I could learn English and then teach it. Then… I left, and you and James and Catherine are keeping me alive instead. If you hadn’t found me, I could have been eaten by a dog, or pecked to death by birds. Or another human could have found me and I’d live the rest of my life enslaved. My life isn’t mine. It never has been. And I don’t know what to do now. Once I’m healed, where do I go? What do I do?”

I felt ready to cry.

“I don’t want to be me anymore.”

For a moment, the air blowing through the vent was the only sound in the room. And then I felt a human finger ruffle my hair.

“Cute little teacher boy,” Ian said.

My anger flared, drying my tears. Ian’s finger disappeared before I could reject it.

“Stop it, Ian! Vysht, I’m being serious!”

Ian was not hurt. In fact, he slid off of the bed and knelt right in front of me. His left hand gripped my bare foot and played with it, and the heat made my skin burn.

“I’m being serious too,” he said. “I want you to be my teacher.”

I stared at him.

“Didn’t I just tell you I know nothing? What good of a teacher would I be to you? You’re a kid, and you already know so much more than-”

“Lenn, Lenn,” Ian said, lifting a hand. “Shh. I want you to read cool things, and then I want you to teach them to me. It doesn’t matter if humans discovered it, there are tons of things I don’t know. And my grades in school aren’t that good. It would really help me.”

I shook my head and looked down at my lap.

“All my life I’ve only learned scraps. I know words, but I don’t know what they mean, what they really are.”

I looked up into Ian’s eyes.

“And why do you care about me so much?” I asked him. “Even people who knew me for years hated me. I’ve only known you for a few days, and I couldn’t speak for most of them.”

Ian’s expression fell.

“Because…” Ian leaned back a bit, looking at the ground. “Well, I thought that… I mean, I don’t have friends at school. No one cares about me there. Aaron and Chris are my cousins, but they go to another school. And I thought… maybe I wouldn’t be invisible anymore if… if I had a friend I could talk to. I thought you liked it here. When you get better, I don’t want you to go.”

My legs crossed and I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. After a moment, Ian looked up at me again and watched me.

“I do like it here,” I whispered. “I understand. I only had one friend my entire life, too.”

I sighed.

“I mean… I’m not going anywhere for a while. And I owe you and your family my life.”

Ian’s face became a little brighter.

“I can’t promise I’ll be a very good teacher. There’s so much I don’t know, and…”

“It doesn’t matter!” he said, excited. “If you help me learn, I can help you learn too. I know I haven’t known you for that long, and that I hurt you… But I want to be friends.”

“Ian, we are friends, I just wish I knew my future. I wish I… I don’t know… I wish I had the choices you do. I don’t know if I can ever leave this house, even when I’m healed. I can’t survive on my own. I never had training to live outside.”

My lips pursed sideways.

“I never had cousins to visit or play with. I never even had parents who cared about me.”

“Well, now you do!” Ian said. “Remember what I said on Sunday?”

My eyebrows raised.

“That you’re my brother?” I asked.

“Right!” he said, showing a great smile. “Do you believe that?”

I crossed my arms.

“I… I don’t know.”

After a moment, both of Ian’s hands took my feet; I’d come to learn that the silly kani was quite affectionate, even to someone like me.

“Tomorrow, let’s talk about it. Dad and Mom can help too, they’re better at talking about it than I am. Is that okay?”

I nodded.

“I want to talk about Nephi, too.”



“Nee-fie. Not Neh-fee.”


“Yeah,” Ian said with a laugh. “Some of the names in the scriptures are hard to say.”

“It’s not ‘leh-hee’, is it?”

“No, it’s ‘lee-high’.”

“Huh. You’re right, that is confusing.”

“So…” he said, falling to the floor on his bottom. “What do you want to do now?”

I shrugged, and everything was quiet.

“I think…” I said. “I’ve been on the move for so long, I… I don’t know what to do with myself. I think that’s what bothers me the most.”

Ian nodded.

“How about…” I said. “That I use the bathroom and then I walk around for a while. I’m curious to see your whole house.”

“Yeah,” Ian said. “We can have breakfast, too. But won’t you get tired?”

“Probably. But I have to retain at least some of my dignity. When you carry me, it makes me feel like a one-year old.”

“Hah! And I’m going to grow even taller, so soon you’re going to feel like a one-month old!”

I rolled my eyes.

“You’re right,” I whispered. And then I thought about what I’d said moments ago. “Uh… also, sorry for my bad language. Don’t go around saying vysht.

“Veh-sht? What does it mean?”

“I’m not telling you.”

I Am Lenn – Chapter Four

Returned to my bedding and filled to the brim with the most wonderful meal I’d ever had, I allowed myself to close my eyes and empty my thoughts. I partially succeeded, laying my head back and letting my arms stretch naturally beside me. Upon seeing me in my relaxed state, I felt a large something shove my hair about and scratch the top of my head. I don’t think Ian saw the cheerful expression on my face in the shadow, and when I pushed his finger away, I saw a small frown form on his face.

“Sorry,” he replied. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

He then saw my grin, and laughed when I flopped my hand about.

The night was young when Ian moved my chair to the side, sat himself down on the floor, and turned his television on again. Instead of a movie this time, however, I watched the other activity the Iatvi enjoyed on their enormous electronic screens. Ian called them ‘video games’. ‘Video’ was a foreign word, but the ‘game’ he played hardly matched any form of game I had ever seen. We used to play games as children, like hiding or playing with sticks.

But Ian, taking a curious device into both of his hands that fit them perfectly, proceeded to move a strangely cartoonish character inside the television as fluidly as if he were the character himself. He showed me the device in his hand, called it a ‘controller’, and let me watch what was happening with his hands. His thumbs controlled rubber pads that rotated like wheels. When they didn’t do that, they pressed a myriad of different buttons with different shapes and colors on them.

The flashing lights and furious action that appeared on the screen was mesmerizing and almost a bit frightening; Ian’s ‘character’ would move so quickly, I could hardly keep up with it, even when Ian pointed it out over and over. He attempted to take me through the basics of the game, showing me which buttons did what action, and what each of the actions the characters were taking on screen meant, but even when Ian took it “slow”, it still didn’t mean much to my addled brain. Maybe it was all the food I just ate that made me sluggish that night, I’m not sure. But Ian seemed so excited to share his game with me that I just nodded and watched with a smile.

Ian was an only child. You may have guessed that from my description of his family. Even though I was twice his age, he treated me as a younger brother, showing me things in his room and describing everything, especially when I wrote him questions. Sleeping with him in the room that night was nerve wracking, as I could hear him snoring like a growling dog every few seconds. But he was faced away from me in his bed, and his breathing remained behind me, so I felt little threat from him. I soon fell asleep, and deeply as well.

When I awoke in the morning to see him dressed in slick dress pants and a button-down white shirt and red tie, I wondered what was going on. The day before he’d worn jeans and a grey tank top. I awoke to see that even his messy hair had been styled and combed.

What made this day different? Was it a Iatvi holiday? Sometime in March, I didn’t know the day. Wouldn’t a tie wrapped around his neck be terrible for a sunny morning?

As I lay there musing, Ian re-entered his room, and the first thing he did was look in my direction. He waved at me.

“Hi Lenn.”

I looked over at him, waved at him, and looked around me; my pad of paper and graphite was somewhere. As I scrambled, he recognized what I was doing, and helped me find the sliver of graphite above my head. I gave him a quick thumbs up and wrote a response.

“You look fancy.”

“I do?” Ian asked with a laugh. “Thanks.”

When he didn’t expound further, I wrote another message.

“Where are you going?”

“To church,” he said. “It’s only for a couple of hours. And then I’ll be back and we can eat something.”

‘Church’? I’d read the word in obituaries and occasionally in magazines. But I didn’t know what it meant.

“What’s church?” I wrote.

“Oh. It’s a place we go to, um, pray to God, take the sacrament, and go to classes to learn about the Gospel.”

I blinked dumbly; I didn’t recognize any of the terms he used. ‘God’? ‘Sacrament’? ‘Gospel’?

I made a connection, and I’m glad Ian waited patiently.

“Is Heavenly Father in church?” I wrote.

“Yeah,” Ian said, kneeling down before me. “Do you believe in God?”

I frowned.

“I don’t know what that means,” I wrote.

“Oh,” he said, sitting on the ground. “You know about Heavenly Father, though?”

“You said those words yesterday,” I wrote.

“I did?” Ian asked. “Oh, during my prayer, huh?”

I nodded.

Ian pursed his lips sideways and appeared to be contemplating on how to explain something that, admittedly, was fairly complicated for someone who had never heard of any of this before. Looking back, I applaud him for his effort in those short minutes.

“So…” he said. “Heavenly Father, or God, is our Father. Of our spirits, I mean. Do you know what your spirit is?”

I shook my head.

“If you didn’t have a body,” Ian said. “Then you’d be a spirit. Kind of like a ghost, but not really. Before you or I were born, we lived with God together, and…”

He paused as my confused frown increased.

“Um… “ he said with a laugh. “Wait… That’s not… Uh, it’s kinda hard to explain, and I don’t know where to start.”

I nodded, itching the bandage near my throat. He pointed at me.

“You and I are brothers,” he said. “Because we have the same Father.”

My neck popped backwards in confusion.

“James isn’t my dad,” I wrote.

“No, no,” Ian said. “Because of Heavenly Father. He’s my Father, and He’s yours. We’re brothers because we’re part of the same family in heaven.”

The idea intrigued me, if only because of my personal opinion of my ‘previous’ family. The idea that Ian and I were brothers seemed a little strange, having known each other for only two days.

I wrote: “What is heaven?”

“It’s a place you go after you die. It’s a really happy place where every good person gets to live with their families and Heavenly Father.”

I wrote.

“So if Heavenly Father is everyone’s father, is James my brother too?”

Ian studied the note for a moment. Then he smiled.


Another idea struck me, one I thought too strange to be true.

“My friend Aria is my sister?”

Ian laughed.

“Yeah, kind of. She’s your friend here in life, but she’s part of Heavenly Father’s family too.”

Then another idea struck me that filled me with bitterness.

“So my family is part of Heavenly Father’s family too?”

“Yeah, you got it!”

When I made a nasty face and looked away, Ian spoke up.

“Why, what’s wrong?”

I wrote.

“My family doesn’t deserve to go to heaven.”

“Oh.” He scratched his nose. “Um… I don’t know. Maybe Dad can tell you more about that.”

I shrugged. The idea of processing that idea made me very tired.

“Oh yeah,” Ian said, perking up. “Someone else you should know about. Do you know who Jesus is?”

I shook my head.

“He’s God’s Son he sent to Earth two-thousand and nineteen years ago. Did you know His birth is how we measure years?”

I had no idea. I thought the number was completely arbitrary.

I wrote.

“Doesn’t Heavenly Father have lots of sons?”

“He does,” Ian said. “But Jesus was special. He was perfect, and He came to die to take away our sins.”

“What is ‘sins’?” I wrote.

“What are sins,” Ian corrected me. “They’re all the bad decisions and mistakes we make. When we don’t obey Heavenly Father’s commandments, that’s a sin.”

“What are ‘commandments’?”

“Um… it’s His rules for living right.”

I pursed my lips.

“Do I have sins if I don’t know Heavenly Father’s rules?”

Ian looked up at the ceiling.

“That’s a good question. I don’t know. I’d have to ask Dad.”

“Sins are bad?” I wrote.

“Uh-huh,” Ian said with a nod. “If you have sins, you can’t go to heaven and live with Heavenly Father again.”

I frowned. That didn’t make sense.

“So I can’t go to heaven?” I wrote.

“You can,” Ian said. “That’s because of Jesus. He suffered to take away our sins so we could go to heaven.”


“Jesus bled from every pore in His body for us, and then bad men nailed him to a wooden cross by his feet and his hands, and then He died for us. He died for you too, to take your sins away.”

“He didn’t know me.”

“Yes, he did,” Ian said. “Jesus knows everybody, just like Heavenly Father. He’s our Brother like I’m your brother. He felt everything you feel so He can help us during bad times.”

“How? He died a long time ago, didn’t he?”

“He did. But He’s still alive because He was resurrected.”

“What does that mean?”

“He came back to life after dying.”

I shook my head.

“Nobody can do that.”

“He did,” Ian said with a grin. “He even brought people back to life.”

I was a few pages from running out of paper.

“So he came to die just to come back to life again?”

“Yup. So we can be resurrected too.”

I frowned.

“I don’t know if I want that.”

“Why not? You don’t want to go to heaven without a body?”

That didn’t make sense either.

“But don’t you have to be dead?” I wrote.

“It’s kinda complicated,” Ian said. “If you want, I can come back and talk to you about it some more. Maybe Dad can help, too.”

I nodded, if only for the fact that it seemed very complex.


Ian rose to his feet and stepped out of my view. He opened a shelf, closed it, and bent down beside the chair.

“Here,” he said. “If you want, you can read this. It’s called the Book of Mormon. It’s about people that lived hundreds of years ago and what they taught about Heavenly Father and Jesus.”

To my surprise, the book was thick, but not terribly wide or tall. In fact, I was fairly certain I could lean it in my lap with my blanket under it and keep my legs comfortable.

Ian placed the book beside me as I wrote another note.

“What’s Mormon?”

“Who. He was a prophet who put the book together a long time ago.”

“What’s a prophet?” I wrote.

“A prophet is someone God calls to teach people about Him.” Ian sighed. “ I didn’t think there was so much stuff to explain.”

“Sorry I don’t know anything.” I wrote, using the last green paper.

“It’s okay, don’t worry!” Ian said. “I’m not good at explaining it yet. I’ve got a lot more to learn, too.”

“Thanks for answering my questions.” I wrote on the brown page at the end of the stack.

“No problem! Before we go, do you want something to eat or drink?”

I carefully lifted my arm and scratched my head. I had one last question and I couldn’t ask it. I pointed at the stack of papers in Ian’s fingers.

“Oh, you’re out of paper, huh? I’ll get more for you when I get back. Here.”

He gave me a used sheet, and I wrote on the back. He took and read it.

“Oh, bathroom again. Like last time?”

I shook my head. How to mimic the action without being crude…

“Just pee?” Ian asked.

That made me grin. Pretty straightforward. I nodded.

“Okay,” Ian said, offering his hands to me.

Quickly, I held up my own, making him pause.

“What’s wrong?”

Less immediate, yes, but I still smelled like canal even two days later. To be honest, it was making me nauseous. I made the motions of using water beneath my underarms and down my stomach.

“Oh, you need a bath. Gotcha. I didn’t wanna say anything, but you do kinda smell funny.”

He grinned, so I wasn’t sure if his statement was true or not. I flopped a hand at him and he laughed.

“Can we do that after I get back?”

I nodded. No rush.

With a bit of pain, I used an arm to peel myself out of my bedding as the hands took hold of me. Instead of cradling me this time, he hauled me against his chest and his shoulder, giving me a frightening view of life as an Iatvi. I didn’t think I’d ever get used to being carried like a newborn by a ten-year old. Or, even more importantly to me, have anyone willingly help me do things that should have been so simple. He took me to the bathroom and let me do my business into the sink; my right leg became exhausted almost immediately, so I tried to finish quickly. Ian looked away, and didn’t turn around when I finished… So I took a careful seat right before the edge and knocked on the surface a few times.

“Oh,” he said. “Sorry.”

I gave him a thumbs up as he cleaned up the sink with a few splashes of water.

“Ian?” called Catherine’s voice from beyond the hallway. “It’s time to go!”

“Coming! I’m just helping Lenn!”

Ian carried me back to his room, placing me back in my bedding and next to the curious book.

“Need me to fix the towel? Or are you comfortable?”

I had made a cozy impression of myself in the fabric, so I gave him another quick thumbs up.

“Okay, I’ll be back,” Ian said, rising to his feet. “See you later, Lenn!”

When I nodded, he turned and disappeared into the hallway. I heard the whole family leave the house and close the front door behind them.

I read the ‘Mormon Book’ for about half an hour before I couldn’t hold my eyes (or the large book) open any longer. I didn’t understand what I was reading, but considering it was the first intact book I had ever studied, I tried my hardest to take it all in. At last, I couldn’t continue. My wound stung beneath my bandages, and as James directed, I tried my hardest not to itch any part of it. I didn’t feel ill, fortunately, just very tired. I don’t remember hearing the family come back into the house, but I did feel something tug and ruffle my hair. I opened my eyes, looked up, and saw Ian kneeling over me. He’d removed his tie, and his hair was much more natural and unkempt.

“Hey Lenn,” he said quietly. “Did you want to keep sleeping?”

I felt a tinge of nerves at seeing this boy sneak up on me so easily, but it wasn’t as if I were trying to hide. I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment and wiped the gunk from the corners. Out of instinct, I tried to tell him that I was okay to wake up, but again, only my lips moved. No sound arose from my mouth. My shoulders fell.

“It’s okay,” Ian said, sitting down on the floor. “You don’t have to talk out loud. If I look close, I can see what you’re saying.”

I nodded. Might as well try. I parted my lips wide and emphatically mouthed the words ‘water’ (after which I cupped my hand to my mouth) and ‘bath’ (after which I pretended to rub water under my arms).

“Water and a bath,” Ian said with a nod. “Or maybe you want to drink bath water?”

I smiled and shook my head. Then I mouthed the words ‘you’re funny’.

“I try!” Ian laughed, much to my surprise that he understood me.

I raised my arms up and gave myself willingly into Ian’s strong hands, and he carried me into the bathroom across the hall. Ian placed me on the counter and scratched his head.

“How do we do this?”

I stepped over to the sink and pointed. Then I shrugged.

“Yeah? You sure?” Ian asked. “I guess that makes sense. Better than the bathtub. Hang on.”

Ian crossed the room and opened the glass shower door. From inside he produced a small sliver of soap, only a remnant of a larger bar, and snapped off a brittle end. I quickly sat on the edge of the white ceramic sink, as my legs were already growing sore. The faucet produced water, and without informing Ian, I slid down into the sink.

“Whoa!” Ian shouted, shooting his hand forwards to catch me. “Hold on!”

Too late. I slid right into the water… the very freezing water. Needless to say, I didn’t know any better. Unfortunately, there was little escape for me, especially with how my bandages had been strapped around my shoulder and neck, and my right foot slid uselessly against the slick porcelain.

“Lenn!” Ian cried, much to my shock. Then, horrifyingly, Ian’s hands attempted to grab me. I admit that I panicked. It wasn’t Ian’s fault. I both attempted to avoid the cold water and Ian’s grasping hands, and there wasn’t a single thing I could do to quell the chaos. In a single painful moment, Ian’s hand forced me upwards, his fingers grabbing beneath my injured shoulder and the side of my head. He didn’t intend to, but he twisted me as I collapsed to the surface of the counter on my back. We both heard something pop quite loudly; I thought it had come from my spine, but I realized later it must have been something else entirely.

I couldn’t cry out, but searing pain shot across my chest and up my neck. When I did not move, Ian’s face turned to a look of horror.

“Lenn! What’s wrong!”

The immediate sign that something had gone terribly wrong was rather graphic, to say the least: I coughed up blood, and not a small amount. Much of it flew into the air and came back down, splashing on my face. When I found myself struggling to breathe past the fluid pouring down my trachea, I turned to my side and coughed up what I could.

“Dad!” Ian cried, exiting the bathroom with frantic thundering footsteps. I could already hear him crying. “Dad! Help! Lenn’s dying!”

I admit, I wasn’t sure what to do at that point. The amount of blood I was discharging onto the bathroom counter was greater than I had experienced at the river. My gagging increased dramatically, and I gasped to obtain some measure of oxygen. I couldn’t see at the time, but most of my wound, from my shoulder across my neck, had reopened, and was quickly staining through my bandages.

Seconds turned into an eternity before I heard the earthquake of footsteps enter the bathroom. Very strong hands lifted me into the air and faced me upwards; this was unfortunate, as the blood poured more freely inward, which I coughed out violently upon my face. The hands then flipped me to my side and slightly downwards towards my head, allowing the blood to flow out. At last, I could choke down a bit of breath past the fluid.

“Lenn!” Ian shouted, uncontrollably sobbing. “Lenn, please don’t die!”

“Please, James, do something to help him!” shouted Catherine.

“I… I really don’t know what to do…” James said quietly, allowing me to continue coughing and breathing. “Holding him like this will only do so much good. If he were human-size, I don’t… Here, Ian, hold him like this, I’ll go-”

“N-No! No, I don’t want to!”

I was fading away, but the thought of his words broke my heart.

“Here, Catherine, here, I need to grab a few things.”

I felt a transfer of Iatvi hands, and I continued to pour blood freely from my lips.

“Come on, Lenn!” Catherine gasped. “Hang on, dear! Stay with us!”

If anything happened to me after that, I don’t remember it.

‘Passed out’ was the term I would have used. But it apparently turned into something completely different and much more serious: a ‘coma’. At least James was fairly certain, considering how long I was unconscious. When my brain once again switched on like a dim light bulb, the first sensation I felt was complete and freezing exhaustion. I felt as if I could return to sleep and leave the world behind me; I didn’t desire to die, but if it were to happen at that particular moment, I wouldn’t have said no.

But then a few thoughts entered my mind about why I shouldn’t be inviting Death a second time. First, you, Aria. The intense desire to see you again had been dampened by my loss of blood, but your memory in my mind was the first to appear.

Then, Ian. The poor boy. If I had access to my otadik voice, none of this would have happened. To hear him crying and refusing to touch me brought me such a strong sensation of guilt, one I could feel beyond the cold. I’d committed a foolish act, and he had nearly killed me trying to correct it.

I opened my eyes. At first, it didn’t appear that my surroundings had greatly changed. A white ceiling, two ninety-degree corners, and a window to my right halfway up the wall. But I was no longer in the chair in Ian’s room. Instead, I was propped up in white bedding with a thick blue blanket over top, turned sideways and laid flat. To say I felt stiff was an immense understatement. I brought my hands to my bare chest. I couldn’t quite rest them comfortably; the bandages wrapped around my shoulder and my neck were much more padded than they had been previously. My hands dropped back to my sides, and I realized something truly dreadful as my fingers felt the skin around my waist.

I was completely naked. Then I realized something else: I was too tired to care.

To my side, an old television sat upon a bed table, quietly on. A rotating fan in the corner near the window was the only thing moving. Every few seconds, I would sense a breeze blow across me, and then it would fade. My attention wasn’t too sharp at that point, so the television voices and sounds became muddied.

I opened my mouth and blew out a breath. Everything about my throat felt sore, as if I’d been screaming at the top of my lungs for days. Obviously, I couldn’t feel my throat to check, but it was apparent that I was no longer bleeding, inside or out. My jaw went slack and popped from a lack of movement.

Then, I pressed air into my vocal cords and forced it upwards.


My eyes opened wide. It was rough as sandpaper, terrible as a cracking stone, but it was something. I formed sounds with my tongue and lips.

“Oohhhh. Eeeeee… ow.”

‘Eeee’ hurt a bit, having to pull the corners of my mouth and the skin beneath my jaw taut.

“Aria…” I whispered. I didn’t recognize the voice that emerged from me. “Aria…”

My mouth was incredibly parched, and my stomach cried out for something to fill it, but the excitement of gaining back some vocal ability made me incredibly excited. Now I could tell Ian all about the village, and about you Aria, and…


My eyes closed, and I let out a breath. I had to apologize. I had to do something

I attempted to lift myself from my bedding. I might as well have pretended to call upon my muscles for all the good it did.

My eyes gazed out the window; it was a sunny day, perhaps late morning. Trees blew in a slight breeze, which I could imagine blowing through my hair whenever the fan landed on me. Now more conscious, I could hear the television more clearly. Whatever it was, it sounded like Iatvi arguing contentiously about… custody? Relationships? Divorce? It sounded like nonsense to me, but I listened to the nonsense because I could not do anything else.

I drifted off for a few hours more, perfectly comfortable and much more stable than I had ever been. Perhaps it was the fantastic amount of blood loss, but I couldn’t think of anywhere in the world I’d rather be. Comparing the Petersen home to the village… It would only have been better if you had been beside me.

I awoke to the sound of a door loudly closing. I looked over at the window, and the sun had changed position: no longer was even a sliver of light draped upon the sill.


It was Ian.

“Ian,” I attempted to shout, but the grumble I created sounded like the croak of a frog and didn’t travel more than a few inches.

“Down here, hun,” I heard from a distant place. Ian’s footsteps disappeared into carpet, and I didn’t hear very much else for a while. I stayed quiet, hoping anyone would appear.

Then, I heard Ian’s energetic footsteps again, bounding across carpet and hardwood. They didn’t wander in my direction. Instead, they vanished again, and I heard a door close. The Ian I had known for two days would have checked on me, and I almost expected it. But he did not, and I remained in the quiet murmur of the room.

I’m unsure how long I remained resting in that room that day. It was long enough that the sun began to set bright orange beyond the house. I had dozed off when, again, the shutting of a door woke me. The steps that followed this door were heavy and slow, and by the lack of click-clacking heels, I figured it had to be James. I nearly dozed off again, expecting to be ignored.

But then an enormous presence entered the room.

My eyes traveled upwards. It was indeed James, dressed in a white shirt and black tie, wearing a different pair of glasses than I’d seen him wear. He did not notice that my eyes had opened and had begun watching him, nor do I think he even thought to see if I had woken up. Instead, he stepped into the room, clicked on a lamp in the corner that gave the room a warm glow, and stepped further into the room to turn off the television. Some sounds echoed, and at first I thought he was rifling through plastic bags. But he returned into my sight donning blue rubber gloves.

Then he scared heaven and hell out of me by lifting the blue blanket. My hands immediately covered my crotch and my voice put out as desperate a cry as it could: it sounded like a saw jamming halfway through a stubborn piece of oak.

“Oh!” James exclaimed, hearing my voice and realizing my horrified expression. He placed the blanket back down. “Lenn! Good heavens, you’re awake! I’m sorry about that, I… I should have checked first!”

V-Vis sulm,” I gasped, my throat burning. The rasp that came out of my mouth was horrible, but it brought a light to James’s face.

“Lenn!” he said breathless, stepping around the bed to sit at my side. “You spoke! I think. Say something else!”

My eyes tightly closed shut, and I tried to make my voice a bit more smooth.

Medirke… “ I cleared my throat. “Medirke… lai ke ilir?

“I’m not sure what that means,” James said. “But I’m glad you said it.”

A bit of my nerves returned.

Dev…” I whispered. “Neh nedia… Oh. S-Sorry, I… Mis… Mister Petersen, I didn’t mean…”

“Oh, come now Lenn,” James said. “Call me James. You’ve been through so much, there’s no need for any of that.”

“J… James,” I said, fighting the urge to fall silent. “Wh-Where is Ian?”

James’s expression fell a bit.

“He’s home. Probably in his room. I tried to convince him to watch over you when he came home from school, but… He feels responsible for everything.”

“…my fault,” I whispered, my voice fading. “My fault.”

“Now now, it’s okay,” James said, waving his hand. “Let’s not get into it, we’ve got to make sure you’re taken care of first. You’ve been unconscious for quite a while, and we need to get some food and water in you.”

“How… long?” I asked.

“About three days.”

Something clicked.

“I’m naked… be… because I…”

James smiled warmly.

“I’m a doctor,” he said. “This is pretty standard stuff. Actually, with a young man your size, cleaning was very easy. During my residency, we would have to care for patients that were well over five-hundred pounds, sometimes more.”

My eyes widened. I couldn’t even imagine an Iatvi so large.

“So, since you have a voice,” James said. “I don’t suppose you could tell me if your bedding feels wet?”

My hands brushed the blanket on top of me, and I wiggled to feel beneath. I shook my head.

“It’s… not,” I growled. Not that I wanted to, of course, my voice merely sounded like an angry tiger covered in spiders.

“Excellent,” he said. “Well, let me go get the dropper and we can get some fluids in you. I really worried about keeping you hydrated. With how much blood you’ve lost, you’re going to need it.”

I nodded, and James stepped out of the room.

Catherine came and visited me soon after, and before my voice disappeared for the night, I asked her where my pants had gone. She replied that she had washed them, but upon seeing their terrible state of disrepair, told me that she had decided to use them as a template for a new pair of pants. She shocked me ever further by saying they were already finished for me to try on when I had the energy to stand. She placed the finished product on the bed next to me; they were dark brown, almost the same color as my original pair. I failed to thank her enough as my throat finally seized up.

Ian did not visit me that night. Nor did he visit me for the next three days, though I heard him go to and fro through the house. I saw him once out of the corner of my eye when his footsteps woke me from sleep, but he wasn’t looking into the room, perhaps purposefully.

I knew it wasn’t because he no longer liked me. No, it’s because he was scared of me. I overheard James telling him I could speak, but there wasn’t any joy in his voice from hearing this news. He was afraid of what I might say. That I would berate him for his carelessness. That I would yell at him and tell him how horrible he was. This was the furthest thing from my mind, but he didn’t know that, and he didn’t accept it when his parents told him as much.

He didn’t want to hear it from them. He needed to hear it from me.

On Friday night, I heard Ian tell Catherine that he would be studying with some boy named Taylor at this friend’s house around six-thirty. She told him to be back at nine o’clock. So I waited until about eight-thirty to enact my plan; below the television was a black box that told the time in dim red numbers, so I knew I wasn’t late. For the first time in nearly a week, I lifted myself from my bedding. I could manage it, but only just. I crawled over to my new pair of pants, and slid them up my legs with a bit of difficulty; while the width and length of the leggings were perfect, the waist was a bit too wide. Fortunately, Catherine had thought of everything. Around the top was a pair of thick drawstrings, something I had never had. I figured their function, though, and quickly tied them into a knot and prepared myself for the journey.

My bandages made moving stiff and inflexible, but the bed upon which I lay had a blanket with edges that hovered only a few inches from the floor. It only took me a few moments to drop to the carpet safely. Hobbling forwards, I walked out the door onto a solid floor, and recognized where I was in relation to everything else: I had been resting in a guest room at the end of a short hallway that led into the dining room. It took about five minutes with a short break in between to cross the kitchen. My legs were exhausted by the time I reached Ian’s door, and my sore throat did me no favors trying to breathe.

Thankful that the door was ajar, I stepped inside the room and made my way towards Ian’s bed. With the chair no longer in the way and most of the clothing cleaned up, I had no trouble crossing the floor. But the lamp was not on, nor was the upper light, so finding my way up the bed in the dark was a bit of a challenge.

I was seated on the edge of the bed when, ten minutes later, I heard the front door open and close. Enormous footsteps boomed across the solid floor, onto the carpet of the hallway, and then a boy opened the bedroom door. With a click, Ian’s room became flooded with light, and Ian didn’t notice me at first. He dropped his backpack near the door and began the process of removing his shoes when his eyes finally met mine.

He froze, despite my pleasant demeanor. And then, he cast his eyes away from me and nearly turned to leave the room.

“Ian,” I whispered, my voice crinkled like paper.

Ian looked back at me, almost frightened.

“Come here,” I said gently. I patted Ian’s bed right beside me.

After a moment’s hesitation, Ian obeyed. He finished removing his shoes and he crossed his room. Then he took an enormous seat about a foot away from me, the mattress springs groaning. He did not look down at me, instead looking at his folded hands. I allowed the silence to continue for a moment while I contemplated on what to say.

“You were trying to help me.”

Ian said nothing.

“Now I know,” I said with a light laugh. “Iatvi sinks don’t turn on with warm water.”

Ian frowned.


“Oh, sorry,” I mumbled, folding my arms as best I could without causing discomfort. “Iatvi means human. I haven’t spoken English for a while.”

It was quiet for a moment more.

“You have an accent.”

“Do I?” I thought I hid it pretty well. Obviously not.

“Yeah. I’m glad you can speak.”

“Me too. Now I can ask you questions about the Mormon book.”

“It’s ‘Book of Mormon’.”

“Yeah, that’s what I said.”

Ian almost smirked, but then his shoulders fell back down.

Careful not to bend my knee too far backwards, I hauled myself to my feet. Ian did not look over. Despite the downward curve of the bed when approaching him, I managed to walk over to the boy. From his seated position, I stood many inches below his shoulder. I remember clearly that he wore the same gray tank top that he’d worn when he found me. When I reached him, I leaned against his upper arm as one would rest against a wall, and folded my hands. He was quite warm. I felt him pull away slightly, but when I didn’t move, he remained stable.

“Will you be all right?” I asked quietly.

For a moment, he didn’t answer. But then I felt his body begin to tremble, and I turned myself (with as much care as possible) to look up at his face. His neutral expression had been replaced with a growing face of sorrow, and quickly, he pulled in desperate breaths and began to cry.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you…” he whispered, a few tears falling from his eyes. He wiped them away with his hand, but missed a few, which fell onto his lap.

“I know you didn’t.”

He continued to cry for a moment, but let his tears fall as his hand came and wrapped itself around my middle to hold me in place against his arm. It was an awkward embrace.

“Do you know what ‘unlo kadomah’ means?”

Ian shook his head, sniffing.

“It means ‘what a foolish boy’. I always said that to my boy students whenever they dropped their bags or writing boards. But I made a much bigger mistake than that. ‘Via kadomah’. I am the foolish boy, and you were trying to correct my mistake.”

I patted the back of his hand.

“It’s not your fault.”

“But you could have died,” Ian said, his voice shaking. “I almost killed you.”

Neh monria lai devir agra.

Ian frowned and finally looked down at me.

“…what does that mean?”

“I didn’t need all that blood,” I said with a smile, patting his arm. “I had just enough. Besides, for all we know, you might have brought my voice back.”

Ian took a few breaths.

“Can… can I hold you?”

“And take me where?”

“Just right here.”

“That’s fine, I guess.”

Ian’s hands wrapped around my waist, and held me in his outstretched arms for a moment. Then, he brought me close and pressed me against his chest; by far the strangest hug I’d ever received, but not an unwelcome one. His chin touched the top of my head.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his youthful voice rumbling.

Vah sulm, Ian,” I said. “You’re okay.”

After a moment, he held me outwards again. His grip was very gentle, much more gentle than it had been previously.

“Are you tired?” I asked.

Ian shook his head.

“I’m not. Are you?”

“I’ve been asleep all day. I can probably stay up for a while.”

“What do you want to do?”

“I want to watch you play your video game again,” I said. “I have a lot of questions.”

Ian grinned.


The next while was very different than the week before. I had slept for most of the day, so my head was much clearer. Ian set me up in the same chair as before, laying down his pillow to support my back. The game he began to play was actually different from the one before, which confused me initially: it’s bright and cartoony nature looked much like the last one. But even Ian’s controller was different. This particular game looked three-dimensional like the last, but the characters only moved up, down, and sideways. There were dozens of different characters to choose from, some malevolent and large, some that looked like children, and some that appeared like a combination of an animal and an Iatvi combined. Ian chose a character that looked like a man in a great suit of armor, although Ian quickly corrected me and told me the character was a woman. This would have shocked the gatherers, don’t you think? The point of the game was, according to Ian: “to hit the bad guys and make them fall off the platform”. Sounded simple enough; many of the children I taught at the village played ‘Ruler of the Mountain’.

It was not simple. Characters that Ian didn’t control fought back with such speed that I couldn’t keep track of them by their bodies; I could only follow the colored symbol that floated over their heads (unreal, I know). Ian’s character could shoot balls of light from a gun, and Ian used them to great effect. His ‘enemies’ kicked and punched and slashed until each fell off the stage in a great explosion. I mentioned to Ian that I was glad I didn’t explode every time I fell to the floor. He laughed at that.

At the end of the match (which Ian’s character won handily), Ian stood up and did something remarkable: he snapped his game into pieces with his hands. At least, it seemed he did. In fact, the parts he broke off were controllers themselves, and to my horror, he placed one of these gray devices into my lap. It wasn’t heavy at all. Much like Ian’s, this controller had a rubber peg that rotated on the left, four round buttons organized to form a diamond on the right, and a smaller square button besides those. Worse, Ian pointed out two more buttons on the back. Then Ian sat down and told me that we were going to play against each other.

“No no no,” I said, not daring to touch the plastic device. “No way I can play this…”

“Come on, Lenn! I know you can do it! We’ll go really slow, and I won’t hit you at all.”

“In real life or in the game?”

Ian giggled.
“Both, duh!”

There were so many choices in this game, I couldn’t wrap my mind around it all. I let Ian choose everything except which character I would be. On this, he insisted I choose.

“Who looks cool to you?”

‘Cool’? I had no clue. I had never even pressed a button in my life. As I pressed one of them down, something beneath the circle cracked, and I thought I broke it. But I pressed down again, and it cracked again. I held it down. It wasn’t difficult to keep it that way.

“Whoops,” Ian said, snapping up my attention. “You took us back. Hang on.”

“O-Oh,” I said, my face turning red. “I didn’t break it, did I?”

“No,” Ian said simply. “You just took us back to the last menu.”

“What’s… a menu?”

The screen then showed the nearly-infinite list of characters again, and he pointed to the television.

“This screen is a menu. The character menu.”


“Here, I’ll show you how to choose. First, you use this and move it around. That will move the hand on the screen, see?”

I’m not sure this ‘stick’ filled me with much ‘joy’. The surface of this ‘joystick’ was textured and a little bigger than the width of my hand. I found it rotated with remarkable ease. I looked at the joystick, then up at the screen; it did indeed move the colored hand around the ‘menu’. I continued moving it around in awe.

“There! Then, once the hand hovers over the character you want, press this button.”

“Uh… okay.”

I couldn’t decide, so I went with the first character “my hand” was over. I pressed the button, and the ‘announcer’ voice of the game loudly said the character’s name. I honestly don’t remember it. Ian then chose his character, and the game started.

I chose to attribute my inability to play the game to my exhaustion. I could move my character left and right, punch, and jump, but I couldn’t wrap my mind around how to perform any of these three actions in unison like Ian. After a few minutes, I felt too embarrassed to continue. I told Ian that playing was a bit too taxing on me, and I insisted on watching him play instead. I could tell this wounded my young friend a bit, so I promised that when I was feeling better, I’d practice and play with him. He accepted this and continued.

I slept in the guest room again, and everyone in the house agreed that there was little problem allowing me to take the whole thing to myself. They even left me a shallow bowl of water and another filled with some orange crackers on the side of the bed in case I got hungry during the night. This time I had a voice, and told them I didn’t deserve any of their kindness.

“Oh, nonsense,” Catherine said. “You’ve been through more than anyone I’ve ever met, and we treat all of our guests when they’re in need. Don’t we, James?”

“It’s true. I haven’t ever had one of my patients staying in our home, but I’d treat you no differently than if you were a patient at my clinic.”

“And you’re my brother,” Ian added solemnly, kneeling next to the bed over me. “It’s my fault I made things worse and I have to make it up to you.”

“Brother?” I heard Catherine whisper to James. He acknowledged her whisper, but didn’t say anything.

“I told you, Ian,” I whispered, my throat still sore and parched. “You have nothing to apologize for.”

“Everything resolved itself all right,” James said, resting his hand on his son’s head. “Lenn is safe, and now you know how to treat him carefully. If you don’t know how to do something, Lenn can tell you now, or you can always ask me.”

I lifted my hand and reached out to Ian, just as I did a week ago. He quickly took my hand in his fingers.

“We have a lot to talk about,” I told him. “I have so many questions.”

Ian nodded.

“I’ll be home all day, so we can. Do you think Aaron and Chris could come over too?”

“He might be a little too exhausted to handle all three of you boys,” Catherine said.

I grinned, feeling exactly that.

“I still want to talk to you about needing a body to get to heaven.”

“You remembered what I said?”

I nodded, closing my eyes.

“I told you, I want to learn more about this Mormon book.”

“‘Book of Mormon’.”

“That’s what I said.”

“You had him reading scriptures?” James asked with surprise, ruffling Ian’s hair.

“Yeah,” he explained. “He wondered where we were going last Sunday, and I tried to talk to him about church before we left. And then… all this happened. I thought for sure when I hurt you, Lenn, you wouldn’t want to talk to me ever again.”

“Ian,” I growled. I removed my hand from Ian’s fingers and slapped his thumb. “Don’t be silly, of course I’m going to talk to you now that I can.”

Ian managed a smile as James and Catherine chuckled.

“All right,” James said. “Come on, everyone, time for bed. Let’s let Lenn get some rest.”

“Night, Lenn,” Ian said, standing. He waved at me, and I waved back.

I fell asleep quickly. But something happened that night that I did not expect, considering everything that had happened in that week. I’m not sure what time of night it was, but my mind switched on at the sound of enormous heel steps on wood. The room was dark save for the moonlight outside the window, and to be honest, the sound of this Iatvi approaching in the middle of the night scared me silent. A giant shadow entered the room and closed the door behind them. I couldn’t make out who it was until it walked around the bed on which I laid and fell upon the mattress. I rocked and rumbled, and looked towards the figure who now laid next to me. This Iatvi pulled up a blanket around his shoulders that he’d brought with him. I could make out little detail of this human’s face. To my dread, warm fingers spread across the blanket that covered my stomach and the lower parts of my chest.

Then he began to cry.

“Ian…?” I whispered, placing my hand upon one of his knuckles.

“I had… a n-nightmare…” he sobbed. His hand clung to me.

“…about what happened?” I asked.

Ian made no noise to the affirmative, but I knew. I hummed, rubbing the tip of Ian’s finger.

“Get some sleep. We can talk in the morning.”

Ian hummed, and his hand withdrew. He continued to sob, but pretty soon I heard his breath turn into light snoring.

I Am Lenn – Chapter Three

The afternoon continued in a very strange way.

Although I was still confined to my bedding, Ian was more than excited to have someone to talk to. He showed me things that I had only read about in Iatvi advertisements. I’m sure you know what a ‘phone’ is. But you and I only knew them as enormous and clunky plastic devices with loud, angry ringing and cords everywhere. No, the phone that Ian showed me was a marvel, a thin square of glass, plastic, and metal with no cords and an incredibly smooth screen that looked much like a hand-held television with incredible clarity. Better yet, he brought the phone into my arm’s reach, and I realized that I could move the contents of the screen with my hand, as easily as if I slid a piece of paper across a table. Pictures flashed behind the screen, showing off images of Ian’s family, strange homes and places I had never seen before. The pictures even moved like a movie, and combined with sounds. This phone made me feel as if I were looking through someone else’s eyes, looking into rooms and conversing with Iatvi as if I were their size. You’ve probably heard Iatvi music as well, but the songs that Ian had me listen to were fast-paced and electronic. Some were played with string instruments, some featured pianos, and some were played with instruments I did not recognize. I know you hate it when I say things like this, but they made me wish for legs I could dance with.

Then, with this magical device, Ian ‘looked up’ information about polio, as both of us were curious. I learned later that when Iatvi ‘look up’ information, it meant they learned things from something called the ‘internet’. I still don’t understand how it works, but it is extremely useful. He quoted what was written about polio, and I later wrote it all down so I could explain it to you and study it myself. He said polio “is a contagious viral illness that in its most severe form causes nerve injury leading to paralysis, difficulty breathing and sometimes death”. This sounded familiar, except I had no idea I could have simply died as a child.

To my utter horror (and I’m sorry for quoting what he read to me), he explained how I probably became sick with the disease as a child: “The polio virus is usually spread from person to person through…” He paused. “…infected fecal matter entering the mouth. It may also be spread by food or water containing human feces and less commonly from infected saliva.”

Ian said the words, looked at my expression, and immediately expressed regret for reading the description. My eyes grew wide and I wore a face of complete disgust. How? How? How could this have happened? And why was I unique? No one else I knew had a leg like mine. I knew infants in the village sometimes died of illness. I knew our food and water was always of questionable quality. But while I knew the village we lived in was unclean for how many of us lived together, I never contemplated how filthy the conditions actually were. Didn’t we live the right way? Every gatherer I knew hated the pristine environments Iatvi lived in. But if I had polio like James said… It was much worse than I ever imagined. If they only knew what I knew. If they only knew what Iatvi knew.

I wrote a note to Ian asking how polio could be treated. He read the following: “The US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends polio vaccination boosters for travelers and those who live in countries where the disease is occurring. Once infected there is no specific treatment.”

No cure. James had said as much. But I only thought of you. I wrote another note to him: “What is vaccination?”

“It’s a shot that doctors give you… I think Dad told me that vaccines have a dead version of the virus that your body fights off and makes you immune.”

I wrote another note, aware of how black my hands had become and how rapidly the graphite was shrinking: “How do you make a vaccine?”


Apparently, Ian’s device had all the answers.

“To create vaccines, viruses are completely inactivated (or killed) with chemicals. By killing the virus, it cannot reproduce itself or cause disease. Polio, hepatitis A, influenza, and rabies vaccines are made this way. Because the virus is still ‘seen’ by the body, cells of the immune system that protect against disease are generated and generally last a lifetime.”

I ignored all the other diseases, although in hindsight I probably shouldn’t have: they were no doubt all illnesses our people were dying from. Something you could die from in an instant, Aria. I couldn’t stand it. I wrote another note: “What chemicals?”

Ian paused, swiping and typing on the phone’s screen.

“Aluminum salts… antibiotics, uh… formaldehyde… That’s all it says.”

I wrote: “Do you have those? Can you make a vaccine?”

Ian frowned as he read the question.

“How come? Do you know someone who needs one?”

I nodded.

“I don’t know… We can’t even give you any medicine because we wouldn’t know how much would hurt you. If we tried to give you a vaccine, you could die.”

I closed my eyes and covered them with my hand. I didn’t know the truth. My whole life, I never knew why my leg was so bent and powerless. Our herbalist didn’t know. You didn’t know, surely. How could we? I wrote another note and gave it to Ian.

“Hang on,” he said, stepping out of my sight and into the hallway. I waited with severe anguish from the very thought of you suffering the way I did. I thought of you with thin, crooked knees, walking with wooden crutches, enduring sores under your arms, crawling in the dirt, every attempted step filled with pain. I thought of you having to care for someone like me all over again, making you live with a child just like me, someone you would love but ultimately have to throw away when the animals came, or the food ran out, or when the rains fell…

Hindsight is a curse. I know that if I had said such things to you, you would have struck me. And I would have deserved it.

Ian stepped into the room first, followed by James.

“Hi Lenn,” James said. “Ian told me you have questions about vaccines.”

I nodded, and repeated my question onto another piece of paper. He bent down low to take it.

“Can I make a vaccine?” he read. “Me personally, no. There are many companies that make them, though. What makes you ask?”

“I’ve been looking up stuff about polio, and reading it to him. There were some… things that don’t sound too good about it, like how it spreads.”

“Oh,” James said. “Yeah, you read that, huh? I know what you’re talking about. Lenn, I told you that polio can’t be cured. A vaccine doesn’t cure, it makes already healthy people immune to it.”

I quickly nodded, and wrote. James read it.

“Vaccine for a friend?”

I frowned and froze. I felt I was giving up way too much information about myself way too quickly to people I didn’t know, especially to Iatvi. I knew I didn’t have a lot of time to make up my mind, so I committed. I told them your name.

James read my note.

“‘My friend Aria. I need a vaccine for her.’”

I wrote another on a clean page.

“‘She’s special to me. She’s all I have left.’”

James frowned.

“Lenn, I have no way of knowing if our vaccines would work. They would most likely hurt her instead of help. There’s no way to know.”

I furiously scribbled my response.

It said: “She can’t become me.”

“Lenn, I…”

I was already writing.

“Don’t let her become me.”

I didn’t even hand the note over before writing another one.

“Please help her!”

I wrote another.

“Help me help-”

I even tried to scream, pounding my arms into my bedding and mouthing the words I had written. I yearned furiously to release the sadness that had been refused its outlet. No sound. Useless. Hollow and broken.

James picked up my last few, and read them. As I would find out later, this responsible doctor told me that he regretted his response.

“I’m sorry, Lenn,” he said. “I can’t help you.”

I looked up at Ian and James, who looked away and fell silent. James sighed, and Ian looked to his dad for any other answer.

I knew I was being foolish. I knew I was asking for too much. A miracle, maybe. An Iatvi miracle. And worse, I couldn’t know if I was overreacting or acting appropriately. I didn’t know if the most beloved piece of what heart I had left was on the verge of a death that could be prevented. I was too distant from you. I couldn’t save you like you had saved me. I had always been horrendously useless, and nothing but a burden to you, the Iatvi who stood above me, and to everyone else. The world left me behind, and I hated it. But worse, I left you behind. And the last words I said to you made certain that you would forget me.

I snapped. I shook my head violently despite the sting of my wounds and threw the piece of graphite and pad of paper from my lap. They fell to the floor… and I cried. No, I mourned. I mourned for you as if you were already gone. I mourned and pitied myself and my inability to do anything until I could no longer breathe. I could not call out your name. I could not scream at my newfound keepers. I could not crawl away into a dark place and rot. I mourned, and likely opened my wounds afresh from my anguish. Time abandoned me again. I may have heard the words: “What happened,” and, “Let’s leave him alone for now,” but my mind did not care. I wished only for two things: to either see you again and beg for your forgiveness, or to die.

I cried. Long enough to completely exhaust me, which, admittedly, probably wasn’t as long as I thought. I fell asleep from exhaustion between the afternoon and the deep evening. When I awoke, the room was much darker despite the yellow light that still shone from the lamp behind me and my chair.

Again, fear gripped me, if only for the fact that I’d spent so much time in Ian’s bedroom, denying him entry because of my outburst. For a fair amount of time, I remained seated in the enormous chair and my comfortable bedding; I knew that attempting to move would be more than a bad idea.

My mental state had changed enough that some reason had returned, yes. But when I thought of you, it filled me with a foolish determination to do… something. It wasn’t just restlessness. I had been floating, crawling, pressing my feet into concrete and dirt for days.The urge to continue moving filled me; I couldn’t simply wait to be doted on. The dark side of my mind continually reminded me that I was useless and crippled, but I had to prove that it wasn’t true. If not to myself, then to the Iatvi who were watching over me.

I know what you would say to me: “Saika, you idiot. Rest. Save your strength.”

But I had to do this.

I lifted myself. The pain was bearable. At first. I then heaved myself sideways with my arms, using all my strength to rotate my weighty legs in unison to remain straight. My legs moved just fine (unbelievable, I know), but my left arm and my unsteady neck exploded with pain, and made me pause. I could not see the thick bandages, but I could already imagine the wound opening and continuing to bleed. Again, I pressed my arms down to slide myself, aiming for the right side of the fabric chair. I ignored the inflammation, and pressed down again.

It took me about ten minutes to slowly remove myself from my thick bedding. Once on the flat surface of the chair, my troubles were greatly lessened. A few moments later, I slid my legs over the side of the great seat. The distance to the floor was only two, perhaps one and a half of my height. Simple. And yet, the edge of the fabric chair was curved, and offered no easy handhold to gently descend. So, I crawled myself to the rear of the chair where the back of the padding met with the wooden rear; I could wedge my fingers into the flat gap it provided.

I did not hesitate. I heaved my legs over the side, bent down to slide my hands into the corner of the joint, and let gravity take me.

My drop began as planned. My hands held fast as my body twisted 180 degrees to face the chair. James and Ian were right: I prided myself on my arm strength, if nothing else. Holding myself in the air, I did my best to look down. Only a few inches to fall, maybe a foot. On a count of three, I released my grip.

I did not fall straight. Because of course I didn’t. My lame leg bent forwards and caught the crossbar of the chair that I didn’t realize existed. This sent me into a head-over-heels spiral that only lasted a split second, but resulted in me smashing into the thick and plush carpet flat on my back. I let out a guttural whine as air escaped me. My entire wound flared, but my warped mind felt a sense of accomplishment once I realized that I hadn’t killed myself: I had achieved part one of my goal.

After about five minutes of resting on the carpet to allow the pain in my neck to subside, I thought to myself, where to go?

From my position on the floor, several things became immediately apparent. Just as when I woke up, the smell hit me first. Instead of a semi-pleasant identifying scent, it had officially been replaced with the funk of dirty feet. Lifting myself into a seated position, I noticed that the boy Ian was a fairly typical child, even for our people. Strewn about the white-and-black speckled carpet were discarded items of clothing, the occasional notebook and piece of crinkled paper, empty soda cans beneath the bed, and specks of dust and debris that desperately needed a good vacuuming.

My left knee from the fall grew sore immediately. My right, not as much. As I could see nothing I might use as a crutch, I supposed I would have to do this the hard way until I found a wall I could lean on. I chose a direction, and probably the most stupid one imaginable: towards the door of the bedroom. Despite the pain of twisting and turning, I hauled myself to my feet and stepped, one foot after the other, towards the exit.

It took me a good few minutes to get to the dresser upon which Ian had first placed me. Once there, however, I heavily leaned upon it. Careful not to fully bend my left backwards, I led myself by my hand and shimmied further towards the door at a much greater speed. I was sweating rather profusely when I finally arrived at my destination, and not due to the temperature of the room. I also noticed a fairly worrying characteristic of my adjusted larynx: under strain, it closed up rapidly, and made it difficult to breathe. I took a quick rest to gain my bearings, and decided to move much slower.

It was then that my greatest fear was all for naught: the bedroom door had remained open. I shoved it, and with the utmost quiet from the hinges, the door opened with a great amount of ease.

The hallway was dark. I peered around the corner in both directions. To my left was an end to the hallway, with a single door at the very end and one beside it to the right. I looked the other direction, and apart from the one door on the left, there appeared to be an opening into a colossal room from which bright lights emanated. Naturally for Iatvi, the hallway was immaculate, and offered no places to hide should any giants come in this direction. Fair enough, I said to myself, and despite the continuing pain in my neck and my shoulder, I limped around the corner and did my best to hurry.

Oh, the smell of roasted meat… I hadn’t eaten anything but black moss and roots in days. As I hobbled closer to the room of bright lights, the scent grew stronger and stronger. Although I doubted such a feast would be awaiting me on the floor of the room ahead of me, I decided I would do everything in my power to climb up to it and eat my fill.

I saw no movement further into the house beyond the lit room, but I heard the sound of a television murmuring deeper into the home, the sound of quiet conversation, and that infernal metallic clicking noise. I looked, and on the opposite side of the hallway was a strange device plugged into an outlet. Whenever the device clicked, a red light would also blink on and then immediately fade. I learned later that this startling device was meant to keep insects and other pests out of the home with something called ‘ultrasound’; apparently, it was effective at deterring me as well, and I hated passing by it.

On my strong foot and with the support of the hallway wall, it only took me a minute or so to reach the wide room. And ‘wide’ hardly described it. In fact, it appeared that this room was actually three combined into one: an obvious kitchen, perhaps a living room beyond a pair of banisters with a single door that no doubt led outside, and a dining room further in. I peered around the corner, keeping myself in the shadows as much as possible. I viewed a building-sized stainless steel refrigerator, a half-as-large stainless steel dishwasher and dark black oven, bright white wooden cupboards and drawers, the edges of dark marble countertops, and a large kitchen island the same color as the rest of the cupboards that dominated the center. Beside the hardwood pathway, the floor of the kitchen proper was decorated with a myriad of decorative tiles in a variety of complementary colors, making the kitchen feel remarkably elegant. In the dining room, I could see iron chairs and a tall hardwood dining table, though everything else that might have been there was concealed.

Feeling rather exposed in the bare hallway, I dared: using my strong right leg, I hopped into the kitchen towards the island. My reverse knee immediately groaned under the strain, but I ignored it. After all, the fear of my surroundings was more than enough to focus my attention. I finally collapsed against the wall of the island and took a deserved breath.

At this point, I had even less of an idea of where I intended to go. It was fairly obvious that there were no cords or descending plant vines with which I could climb to the counters above. No meat for me, I supposed. From my position on the island, I saw that it also had several cupboards attached to it. Curious, I stepped around the cupboard I leaned upon and opened it. Though dark within, I could make out two shelves that held the reflection of spotless pots and pans, trays, and cooling racks. Of course, they were all neatly organized with large pots upon the bottom shelf and smaller upon the upper.

From what the gatherers had told me when I was younger, there were definitely dirtier and more disordered residences. Was it James who kept all of the homemaking running smoothly? After all, it couldn’t have been Ian. Children are children.

The question answered itself in the most frightening way possible. I couldn’t see it properly from my position behind the island, but the loud click of the front door made my heart leap up into my weak throat. My first instinct was to climb into the island cupboard, and I obeyed it without question. The cupboard door closed most of the way, leaving me just a vertical line of light with which to peer through.

Footsteps. Click-clacking ones. Heels. The Iatvi that entered the house headed straight for the kitchen towards my hiding place, and I had a front-row seat to her destination.

Black dress shoes with shallow heels. Bare ivory legs. A dark-gray skirt and a suit jacket of similar color. All the way to the top, she wore a complex bun of deep brown sparsed with aged graying hairs. She stood in place for a few moments, apparently stirring something on the stove. The smell of meat hit me in the back of the nose and made me salivate.

She hummed with satisfaction, tapped her utensil against the edge of whatever the food was cooking in. She then turned away and disappeared from my sight.

I let out a breath. Close.

Then I heard a voice.


Thundering footsteps up carpet, and then equally powerful steps thumping into hardwood.

“Hi Ian,” said the light voice of the woman. “I heard we have a guest.”

“You didn’t tell anyone about him, did you?”

“No, I didn’t. But why? When your father told me we had one of his patients in our home, I thought he had brought some stranger in to sleep on our couch!”

“Not the couch,” Ian said. “You’ve got to see him, he’s awesome. I think he’s sleeping right now, but I want to introduce you.”

“Awesome?” asked Ian’s mother. “What’s all this about? What’s with all the secrecy?”

“You’ll see!”

With that, the two of them proceeded down the hallway from whence I’d come. I squeezed my eyes shut and waited for the dreadful moment. All was silent. Both of their voices were hushed. Then Ian spoke up.

“Lenn?” he whispered, his voice barely audible past the hallway. “Lenn, where did you go? Come on out, it’s okay…”

“What is Lenn?” asked his mother.

The question went unanswered. Within ten seconds, Ian’s voice became panicked.

“Lenn!” he cried, his voice quite loud. “Lenn, please! Where did you go! Oh no… No no no…”

“What? What’s wrong?”

“Watch your feet, Mom,” Ian said, breathless. “He could be anywhere. Lenn! Don’t be afraid! I know you can’t speak, but… bang on something! Come on! Let me know where you are!”

This continued for about a minute, with Ian’s mother becoming more confused as time went on. Finally, a pair of mountainous footsteps emerged from the hallway, and Ian’s voice exploded.

“Dad!” he cried. “Dad! Lenn’s gone! I can’t find him!”

No sound came for about five seconds. Then, another pair of footsteps emerged from somewhere beyond the kitchen.

“Are you sure, Ian? He didn’t just dig himself further into the towel?”

“I lifted it up and everything! I looked under my bed, behind my dresser and behind the TV… I can’t find him!”

“James, I’m very confused…”

“I know, dear, I know… Give us a moment, we’ll explain everything.”

Three pairs of Iatvi feet proceeded down the hallway to Ian’s room, and hushed whispers filled it immediately. Ian’s voice was less hushed, crying out for me every few seconds.

My eyes were still shut tight as I listened to the cacophony. What to do, what to do? The thought of standing in the middle of the floor only to be discovered by not one, not two, but three Iatvi filled me with incomprehensible fear. At the same time, my conscience didn’t dare allow me to cause Ian and James such incredible worry; my wounds were nowhere near healing, and it wasn’t as if I could simply leave their care. It didn’t seem I had any other choice. Again, my foolish decisions had placed me in a terrible position.

The three Iatvi were still feverishly searching for me when I gathered enough nerve to open the island cupboard. On my right leg, I closed the cupboard and leaned against it, stepping towards the open floor. By the time I could peer down the hallway, the desperation in the bedroom had descended into a tender form of mourning. I could hear it in Ian’s tone. He thought I’d left for good.

I shook my head. I could hear your voice loud and clear: I was a saika. A real idiot.

I walked into the open, supported by my right leg and the tender strength of my left, and once I’d reached roughly the center of the space, I sat upon the floor with my legs outstretched and waited. I didn’t know which was worse at this point: my fear of being discovered, or of listening to the Iatvi speak.

James consoled Ian, telling him it wasn’t his fault that I’d disappeared. That I had my own life and worries to deal with, and that Ian couldn’t have known what they were. James also described as best he could to his wife about what I was. She seemed incredulous at first, but as she listened to her son’s reaction, it became apparent to her that some measure of James’ story was true. And most painful of all, I could hear Ian crying.

Thirty seconds passed. Then, I heard them exit the room. Ian was supported with James’ arm around his shoulders, followed by his mother behind them. It wasn’t more than a short moment once they’d turned the corner that Ian and James’s eyes fell upon me.

Ian gasped first.

“Lenn!” he cried, and ran towards me at a frightening pace. Before I could scramble backwards in horror, he fell to the ground before me with the weight of a rockslide. He folded his bare legs, wrapped both of his hands around my waist, and hauled me up into the air. My stomach sunk into my feet, but Ian’s face told me everything I needed to know about his intentions: tears flooded his puffed-up eyes, but he wore a great wrinkleless smile. His hands were warm, and his grip was a bit tight, but I patted my hands on the backs of his and returned a sheepish expression. James leaned down beside his son and also beamed down on me as if sure that I hadn’t departed.

Ian’s mother, on the other hand, had a look of absolute shock, and my fear spiked as I looked at her. Her hands gathered themselves as she stood back and examined me from afar. Her expression looked like one I would have had if a cockroach appeared in the school in the dead of night.

“Mom, Mom! This is Lenn!” he said, twisting around and showing me to her. “I knew he didn’t leave!”

“I’m certainly glad he didn’t,” James said, placing his hand on Ian’s shoulder. “Who knows what would have happened to him. Be careful, Ian, don’t hold him too tightly.”

“Oh. Sorry Lenn.”

“What…” Ian’s mother whispered. “What is it?”

He,” Ian corrected her. “And we have no idea! He’s just… small!”

I frowned at Ian and gave him the first thumbs down I’d ever given someone. He caught a glance at me.

“Oh, uh…” he said with a laugh. “Not small?”

I gave him a confident affirmative in the form of a thumbs up. Ian laughed.

“Are you okay, Lenn?” James asked me. “From our conversation before? I’m sorry I don’t have more answers for you.”

I looked up at him as best I could and nodded.

“Are you in pain?” James continued. “Are your bandages loose?”

I couldn’t properly turn my head to look at him without burning, but I nodded and raised my hand and held two fingers up spaced apart. “Just a little bit,” it said.

“Lenn, why did you leave?” Ian asked me with sudden worry. “You could have hurt yourself! I thought you couldn’t walk without crutches. You didn’t crawl, did you?”

I shook my head, and pointed down towards the floor.


“I think he wants you to put him down,” James said.

“Why doesn’t he talk?” Ian’s mother asked. “Does he understand English?”

“He does,” James said. “But he received an injury that took his voice. Possibly a laryngeal displacement. That’s what the bandages are for, although if he were human-sized, we would certainly have taken him to the hospital for surgery. Since he looks to be breathing fine and not coughing up anything, perhaps he’ll be able to heal on his own.”

“How awful,” she said. “Poor dear… Where is his shirt? Or his shoes?”

“I believe Ian found him without any.”

“Yeah. He was really cold. He’s still really cold. Aren’t you?”

I shrugged, and pointed down to the floor again. Ian followed my instructions, placing me down. Instead of sitting down, I exited his hands by standing on my strong leg. Then, I demonstrated what I could do. With a captive audience, I walked a second at a time, a strong step forwards on my right, and timid step on my left. It only took me a moment to reach the island, upon which I leaned and turned around.

Ian’s face was pure surprise. James was all smiles.

“Well look at you,” he said. “Whatever sickness you had as a child sure hasn’t stopped you, has it? Maybe we were being too careful with you after all.”

I shrugged, carefully bending my left leg as far as I could without pain. It wasn’t much, and it bent awkwardly backwards as it always did. But I didn’t care. For the second time in my life, I felt a strange amount of pride: my body was bent and slow, but it didn’t stop me from moving. But I don’t have to tell you about the first time, do I?

Ian laughed, wiping the tears from his eyes.

“Then I won’t worry about you ever again,” he said. “Just don’t disappear like that, okay? You scared me to death! I don’t ever want to step on you or anything.”

“True,” James said. “You should limit your explorations unless one of us knows where you are, yeah?”

At this question, I scrunched my face and shrugged my shoulders. In my mind, I made no promises.

“You’re really weird,” Ian said with a grin of his own.

I nodded, scratching my cheek.

“Well,” Ian’s mother said with a sigh, bending down. “I can hardly believe this… This sure is an interesting surprise! Lenn, was it? My name is Catherine, and I’m very glad you can stay with us. It looks like you and Ian are already good friends. And James is an excellent doctor, so you shouldn’t have any problem getting the treatment you need.”

“Yeah,” Ian said.

This made me smile. I’d known the ka for a day, and he had befriended me immediately. He would come to remind me of you, Aria: compassionate and unselfish. Like I once relied on you, I would come to rely on Ian. Even though I showed him I could walk and write, he never hesitated to come to my aid if I asked for it or not.

“I hoped you would say that, dear,” James said. “Like I told you, no homeless people.”

James looked down at me just in time to see me raise an eyebrow and wobble my hand, twisting it back and forth a few times.

“Oh,” he said. “Well, maybe I’m wrong.”

“Homeless or not,” Catherine said. “I’m certain that you’re ready for dinner. I think we all are.”

“Yup,” Ian said. He looked down at me. “I’ll bet it’s been a long time since you’ve had anything good to eat.”

My mood soared: that meat would be mine after all. I clasped my hands together and lifted them to my chest, begging with my eyes and a smile. At this, all the Iatvi laughed, and I did too. Without a voice to accompany it, and not without pain, but at that particular moment, I didn’t care.

“Not just yet,” James said, and my shoulders drooped. “We’ve got to check your bandages, Lenn. Get you some new ones. Don’t worry, no peroxide this time, just some neosporin and vaseline on the bandages. No sting to worry about.”

I nodded. The faster this wound healed, the less useless I would be. And maybe I’d get my voice back someday soon.

James was right; changing my bandages this time was not nearly as painful as the first. I sat near the edge of the bathroom counter, and James helped me remove them; what he could not remove with his large fingers I could do with my own. I couldn’t see my wounds, of course, but I could see James’s reaction to them: he pursed his lips as the bandage removed. I did see the fabric bandage from the center of my neck, a mess of cotton, white Lidocaine, and thick splatters of blood.

“Can you turn your head? Careful now, let’s not reopen anything.”

I did so, and the deepest part of my wound (the part that had taken my voice) felt ready to split. He removed the bandage from my upper neck and just below my ear. The bandage stuck for a moment beneath my jaw, and shocked me like an ant sting.

“Can you lift up, look up at the corner? Just as high as you can without pain.”

I tried, but it felt as if the wound were pulling apart.

With his glasses halfway down his nose, James examined me, his eyes intense.

“I guess it’s too early to tell,” he said, taking the bandages and throwing them in the garbage beside the toilet. “Inflammation has started, which is a good sign. No discharge that I can see. You don’t feel sick or nauseous at all? No fever?”

I shook my head.

“Does it itch?”

I nodded.

“Try not to scratch. From what I can see, it looks good so far.”

The neosporin froze me, as did the vaseline, but soon warmth returned with thick fabric bandages. On top of the bandages, James cut out pieces of plastic adhesive strips, and with his guidance, I placed them where they needed to go to keep the bandages secure.

“Excellent,” James said, patting my knee. “I can tell that you have a lot of willpower. If I had an injury like this, I’d be crying on a hospital bed like a baby.”

I wanted to tell him I already had, but I shrugged instead.

“Ian?” James called.


“Lenn’s all done. You can take him to the kitchen table, I’m sure he’s starving.”

“Okay,” he said. The boy appeared as his father turned on the faucet to wash his hands.

Ian took me in his arms and carried me to the dining room table. He placed me down, and I sat as comfortably as I could on its solid wooden surface. His hand held onto my wrist and arm for a moment, as if he expected me to fall backwards. When he saw I did not, he released me and brushed his hair away from his eyes.

Although connected to the large kitchen, the dining room was cozy: besides the metal chairs and the table, there was only one piece of furniture. Against the furthest corner next to dark glass windows was a great display cabinet filled with fine china, glass and ceramic figurines, and other knick-knacks that none of my people would ever dare touch. Memorable objects of that nature, no matter how valuable or useful they might look, were the first things that would be noticed as missing, leading to strife in the home as to who stole or hid it; all in all, more chaos in a Iatvi home was bad for gathering, or so I was told.

Upon the wall next to the cabinet was a painting that dwarfed me in both width and height. Within its dobs of thick paint was an image of a pleasant seascape, something that I had only read about. Endless water as far as the eye could see… Considering the luck I’d had in a rushing river, the idea of floating in something as big as the sea made my eyes cross. I had only painted a few times in my life, whenever the gatherers remembered to scavenge for ink and oils.

The longer I looked at the painting, the more it caught my attention. Ian watched his parents as I looked upon the canvas. Indeed, it wasn’t a mere flat surface. It truly was the work of some brilliant artist who utilized more colors than I had ever had access to at the village. I could imagine how bright your face would glow if you could have had paints like this. The painting didn’t merely show a blank featureless blue ocean; there were sailboats and trawlers, boats with thick smoke stacks bellowing gray into the stormy day, and beautiful white stone piers and buildings lifting up the composition.

Ian’s hand rested beside me, and I tapped his finger.

“What’s up?”

I pointed.

“The wall?” Ian asked. “Oh, the painting? You want to see it?”

I nodded.

With much more care, Ian lifted me into his arms and stood in front of the work of art. While his shadow mostly blocked the light that fell upon it, I was fortunate enough that he held me within arm’s reach. Gently, I touched its surface; indeed, the paint used to create it was thick, applied with powerful brush strokes. Looking at it closely (as is the case with all paintings), the colors seemed random and mishmashed. But the totality of the piece brought everything together.

“You like it?” Ian asked me. “One of Dad’s friends painted this for us. It’s an oil painting.”

“Early 1900’s,” James said from the kitchen. “One hundred years ago, a port in the Mediterranean might have looked just like that.”

I nodded, looking back at the painting. ‘Mediterranean’. I don’t know if you remember that word from the geography magazines. It’s a body of water as large as an ocean on the other side of the world, somewhere I would never even hope to go. If the gatherers only knew just how large this world was; I’ve studied countless maps, and I still don’t comprehend it. The size of the Iatvi, their endless numbers, and their countless towns and cities doesn’t help to put things into perspective, either. Yul, the floor space of Ian’s own room dwarfed the size of the village twice over.

“Do you know where that is?” Ian asked, curious. “The Mediterranean?”

I nodded, looking up at the boy’s face.

He frowned.

“You do? How?”

I pursed my lips. Then, I repeated my motion for something to write with.

“Oh, yeah. I’ll go grab them. Wait right here.”

Ian placed me down upon the table and stepped away towards his room. The feeling of being completely exposed hit me rather mercilessly again, but James and Catherine tended to their food preparation and didn’t pay me much attention. Ian reappeared quickly. He handed me the pad of sticky green papers and a larger piece of graphite than before.

“How do you know about the Mediterranean? You haven’t gone there, have you?”

I put pencil to paper, large as I could write, and handed him the note. He read it.

“Really?” he asked in surprise.

“What did he say?” James asked from across the room.

“He says he’s a… teacher?”

I scribbled on another piece of paper. Again, there wasn’t a whole lot of room to explain.

I handed him the new note.

“‘I teach kids how to speak and read English’, he says.”

“That’s wonderful,” Catherine said. “Good for you!”

“So you’re an English teacher?” Ian said. “Ew. That doesn’t seem fun.”

I laughed without pushing breath too hard, and wrote another note. Ian read it, and smiled.


“What’s it say?”

“He says he couldn’t write or read if it wasn’t for his friend.” He looked down at me with a subtle tone. “Is this your friend you wrote about before? What was his name again?”

I wrote.

“Oh. Her name. Aria.”

I wrote again.

“He says she was the best teacher he ever had. How old were you when you learned to read?”

I held up my fingers.


“How old?” James asked.


“Well, that’s not too much later than us,” Catherine said.

Ian then lowered his eyes to look directly at mine; perhaps two arm lengths away, I leaned backwards a little bit and gave him a concerned look. I could feel his breath skip across the table, and noticed all the small freckles on his nose and cheeks. I couldn’t tell what he was searching for from the expression on his face.

“How old are you?” he finally asked me.

I blinked a few times. Gathering my senses, I wrote a quick note and handed it to him.

“Huh-uh,” he said with a shake of his head and a small smile. “I asked you first.”

I pretended to roll my eyes, which made him giggle a little. I held up two fingers in one hand and shaped an ‘O’ in my other.

Ian frowned.

“…two plus zero? You’re two?”

This time, I rolled my eyes authentically and mouthed the word ‘no’.

“Oh,” Ian laughed. He lifted up his fingers like mine. “Um, so you’re twenty?”

I nodded.

“You don’t look like twenty.”

I pursed my lips and raised an eyebrow. I wrote a note.

“You can’t grow a beard?” he said cheerfully.

James brought a blue plate as wide as I was tall to the table. Upon it was a rectangle of pure butter that could have helped feed a team of gatherers for a week. “Well, I’ve got a baby face, so my patients always think I’m still in my thirties. How long have you been a teacher?”

To my surprise, Ian’s hand strapped horizontally around my waist and legs, and rotated me to face his dad. The pad of paper almost fell from my lap, and it made me a bit dizzy.

“Ian, be careful with him,” James said quickly. “Don’t do things like that without permission.”

All of a sudden, I felt an immense presence of warmth to my right side. I looked as best I could, and I saw the enormity of Ian’s soft face hovering right next to me, his eyes peering sideways towards me.

“Sorry,” he said, his whispering voice booming in my ear.

You’d think I was crazy, but I lifted my arm and blindly reached behind me. I didn’t know what my hand met with right away, but the round shape and elasticity told me what it was. I probably kept my hand there for a moment too long.

“Hey,” he said, his hand suddenly appearing beside me. “That’s my nose.”

I smiled despite my apprehension. The smile faded and my eyes squeezed shut when a finger thicker than my thigh blinded me and gently bopped me in the face. I’m sure he intended my nose, but it ended up covering much more than that.

“Ian…” James growled.

When I waved my hand as if to push him away, he laughed and his face disappeared.

“James, can you come help me lift this?” Catherine asked from the kitchen.

“So how long have you been a teacher, Lenn?” James asked, rising and stepping towards his wife. “A couple years?”

I counted in my head all the time I’d spent in that sheet metal shack, attempting to clear my throat again. It came out as a gurgle, and the discomfort made me grimace. I placed my graphite down in my lap and held up all fingers.

“Ten years?” James asked. “Wow, probably since you mastered reading and writing yourself. That’s impressive.”

My eyebrows flashed upwards. It was certainly the first time I’d ever heard anyone describe my work as ‘impressive’. Let’s be honest, Aria: although you tried to convince me otherwise many times, everyone in the village simply tolerated my profession until I taught their kids to count and spell their names in English. I was just lucky there were so many kids. Everything else, from studying newspaper and magazine clippings to writing instruction books for gathering, these were just hobbies. No one took them seriously.

“What about your friend?” James asked, returning to the kitchen but continuing to speak. “Did she work with you?”

Complicated question, don’t you think? I wrote down an honest answer and handed it to Ian.

“Yes and no? What’s that mean?”

I couldn’t move my head to face the boy, but I shrugged and wrote more, handing him the note over my shoulder.

“‘She helped teach the kids some days. But the gatherers hated me.’”

I looked down at the table surface.

“You said that your family abandoned you,” Ian said. “How come? Just because of your leg?”

“Ian… Lenn, you don’t have to explain anything.”

“But that’s what he said.”

I wrote.

“He says he couldn’t gather, he couldn’t hunt, and he could hardly garden. What’s ‘gather’ mean?”

“Search for food, medicine, supplies, no doubt,” James said. When he saw me nod, he continued. “Can you imagine? A whole group of people like Lenn living beneath us and living off our scraps…”

I hesitated. But what I wanted to say was an honest truth. I wrote another note.

“He says that…” Ian paused. “…my people got rid of the dead weight.”

All Iatvi paused and looked in my direction.

“Dead weight?” Ian asked, his face leaning in close again. “They meant you? Are you serious?”

“You poor boy,” Catherine said. “How could they do something like that?”

I wrote again, and everyone waited for my response. I passed the note to Ian.

“The gatherers finally had an excuse to do it?”

“Oh!” exclaimed Catherine. “That’s terrible!”

“I should very much like to meet these gatherers of yours someday,” James said. “I would never abandon Ian for anything.”

I wrote a quick note.

“He says to them, it’s survival.”

“Don’t you think like that, Lenn,” James said, grabbing a pile of heavy plates from the cupboard above the counter. “That’s not fair to you. Like you said, it’s an excuse. They may have thought it was survival, but it wasn’t for you. But look where you are now. I don’t know about them, but you’re going to make it just fine.”

I looked away. Yes, the only reason I lived was because of the Iatvi that surrounded me. I had to break the only rule our people clung to in order to survive. At that time, I didn’t know what you would think about that. I thought so little of myself, despite the occasional tiny victory, that I believed the lies I’d heard for years. But I know that you would want me to do everything in my power to come back to you. I know that now.

“You’re not ‘dead weight’ to me,” Ian said to me next, his voice close. ”You’re awesome.”

I wasn’t sure about the second part. But I more than appreciated the first. I gave him a weak thumbs up that slumped to my side too quickly. To my shock, Ian’s whole fist slammed against the table beside me (at least it trembled the table like a slam), giving me a humongous thumbs up in return.

“Well,” said Catherine, carrying an enormous ceramic plate. “No more depressing talk. It’s time to eat and be happy. Right?”

“Right!” Ian said.

James placed down the plates and Catherine put down the… the…

My mind melted like the butter in the center of the table: I saw the reality of what I was about to experience. About half my standing height in thickness and a full arm’s span in width was the largest single piece of meat I had ever seen. You and I have had what Iatvi call hamburger before. This looked nothing like it, and smelled much different. You and I have added salt, or sugar, or sometimes even vinegar to food. Whatever spices were cooked into this slab of carnivorous goodness created a scent celebration that overwhelmed me. It wasn’t just because I was starving, either. I had this meal many times, and it never ever lost its appeal. So lost in the sight of the mouth-watering meat, I didn’t even see the cooked carrots, potatoes, and the strange green stalks that lined the plate. There was even bread on a separate plate next to it.

Catherine and James noticed my mind-twisted expression and laughed to each other.

“I think he’s going to enjoy this,” James said.

I shook out of my daze and looked up at Ian’s parents with a coy half-smile.

“Oh,” James said, returning to the kitchen. “We’ve been talking so much, I didn’t think of what Lenn would use as a fork.”

“Ian, would you grab a small plate for him?” Catherine asked.


“Let’s see,” James said, opening the cupboard between the oven and the fridge. “We have plastic forks, but I don’t know if… Lenn, what do you usually use to eat?”

I wrote a quick note and handed it to Ian after he placed before me a wide ceramic plate (not half as wide as the others).

“A plastic fork works fine, he says.”

“You’re sure?”

I nodded.

“Yeah, he’s sure.”

James returned and handed me the fork; about the size of a pronged rake, I held it near the neck and held the upper plastic over my bandaged shoulder. Fortunate that it didn’t weigh much at all.

With everyone seated at the table, I thought for sure everyone would proceed to dig into the delicious food. But to my surprise, everyone paused. James pointed at Ian.

“Want to say a quick prayer?”

“Sure,” Ian said.

All of the Iatvi then bowed their heads, closed their eyes, and folded their arms. In that moment, my eyes bounced from person to person, my anxiety level soared, and I clung to my fork; I had no idea what they were doing. Ian then spoke words that I had never heard combined before, a title for a being that I had never known.

“Our Heavenly Father…”

Ian continued speaking, but I clung to those first words. I’d learned many words before. But my insignificant knowledge gathered from scraps of paper had never taught me of this person. “Heavenly’. Like many words, I only knew of ‘heaven’ as an idea: a bright place where Iatvi go when they die. Advertisements described things like ice cream as ‘heavenly’, but I wasn’t so sure Iatvi died just to go to a place filled with ice cream.

And then, of course, the word ‘father’. The only example of a father I knew was my own. Yours as well, of course, but he was “kinder” than mine. You know how rare it was to see him home… or even in the village at all. He spent more time drinking the alcohol that the gatherers brought back than drinking water, and it never ceased to amaze me that he bothered to have more children besides me in his older years. Or maybe it was my mother who convinced him, I don’t know. I didn’t count as one, after all.

So who was this father that Ian called ‘heavenly’? It couldn’t have been like my father. There was nothing heavenly about alcohol or abandoning your son to die. Was this Father like James? Kind and loving, someone who actually cared for his son? I didn’t recognize it then, but I felt a sense of warmth in me. If it wasn’t like James, then it must have been someone very similar. Someone who had taught Ian to care about someone like me. I would later learn that Aaron and Chris also believed in this ‘Heavenly Father’.

I can hear you giggling at me now; you always told me I think too much. But you know me: when I do nothing, I think. And looking back, I know there were so many things I didn’t pay attention to; it was all so… immense. But this was certainly something I latched onto. And I know it sounds like I’m exaggerating, but in this moment of fear, combined with exhaustion and hunger… Hearing this title from Ian, ‘Heavenly Father’, I knew these words matched together. I wish that the gatherers had ever gathered scraps of scriptures as greedily as they did newspaper with obituaries and ads with scented perfumes.

As the Iatvi lifted their eyes, I looked down at the table and hoped none of them would then ask me to ‘pray’, or say anything about what had just occurred. When they did not, and a voice asked me what I wanted to eat first, I looked up and continued with life.

The feeling did not leave, though. It didn’t leave me for the entire night.

I Am Lenn – Chapter Two

The very next sensation I felt was the contemplation of a very strong smell. In fact, a collection of smells all wrapped into one. They weren’t individually unpleasant. Together, they clashed. One was an acidic cleaning solution. Another was the kind of odor that every individual has that identifies them; do you remember when you told me mine was like colored ink? Yeah, I never could help having that smell. But this one was thick, the smell of an Iatvi child and something sweet, like strawberry seeds. A third smell that filled my nose made my mouth water: some kind of flavorful cooking meat.

My eyes opened. A dim white ceiling greeted me first, made yellow by a single light source from somewhere in the room. My eyes tracked the ceiling to the far wall, upon which sat two rows of wooden shelves. On these shelves was a colorful assortment of plastic toys and books, well-used boxes with frayed corners, and plastic cases with a variety of titles. Or were they games? I knew these were different things. I could not tell you which was which. Beside the shelf was a striking framed painting of a bearded man with a delicate expression and bright green eyes; upon his shoulder was a red robe. I remember this image very clearly, as I had much time to look upon it.

I tried to lift myself to get a better view of my surroundings, but the pain kept me pinned down as assuredly as a five-pound weight. I dared not move my neck, but I again attempted to hear any sound escape my lips. When I mouthed words, I could hear the delicate wind of spoken language, but it did not have my voice, nor did it have any great volume. Then, for the first time since my injury, the inside of my throat inflamed. And appropriately so. If something about my throat had been ‘displaced’ or ‘fractured’ by whatever sharp object had sliced me, then perhaps it wasn’t the best idea to continue trying to reassemble my voice myself. I settled back into my light-blue bedding and simply stared at the ceiling.

My ears strained for sounds. Muffled voices could be heard somewhere inside the Iatvi home in which I lay, all of which were too indistinct to be recognized. Every six or seven seconds, I would hear a sharp click from somewhere behind me. This I didn’t recognize, but my fear of it lessened the more I realized that it sounded hollow and tinged like the metallic ping of a bell. When I focused on it, it hurt my hearing a bit. But it didn’t move away or towards me, so I deemed it unthreatening. Somewhere deep within the house the sound of plumbing echoed, and I knew what that meant: whenever water flowed, Iatvi weren’t far behind it. But it sounded too far away to worry about. Until, of course, I reasoned with myself that distance wasn’t a factor when all Iatvi in the house knew what I was, where I was, and my current state of health.

I’m unsure how long I laid in that strange rectangular room by myself. I mused upon the observation that Iatvi were the only beings I knew that adored ninety degree angles, and constructed their homes with only those in mind; another sign of their obsession for precision. I didn’t mind it, truth be told, but I knew many who regularly complained about its ugliness. ‘Every room is the same,’ they often said. ‘The only thing different about each room are the obstacles on the floor’. This always made me laugh. As if the gatherers only remained on the ground. Climbing was the only way to survive in an Iatvi home. Olem, climbing was the only way to survive anywhere. And hiding in the dark. If you had any trouble with these two skills, you were better off staying home and tending to your garden.

Like me.

Which I had never minded, as you know. I never was very physical. I always stayed in the village, teaching kids how to read and write, and enjoying the scraps of paper the gatherers would bring home for study… when I begged them to do so. I wondered if I would ever get to do that again. Or, if I would even live in any village again.

A sound. The click of a closing door. Footsteps. They distanced themselves from my hearing, but then reappeared as deep thumping upon hardwood approaching. I could not move. Every instinct I had told me to do so, but the pain grew unbearably intense as I attempted to rise. I relaxed, and the pain dulled. But enduring pain felt like an excuse when Death was approaching with alarming speed.

And then it did appear, as a great door suddenly clicked open directly behind my head. I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep, which by itself filled me with more dread: if the blackness of wicked Death was in the room and came for me, I’d never see it coming. Great footsteps muffled by the sound of carpet entered, closing the door behind them. I heard the sound of a quiet sigh, and within three seconds, felt the brush of stirred air as something very large strode past me. I dared to open my eyes for just a split second, and I saw the dark-haired head of a familiar ka ignoring me and walking further into the room.

The weight of his body walking across carpet unnerved me, certainly, but I was somehow high up in the air as if on a shelf. If I had been low in crushing position, my mental state would have been considerably different.

I couldn’t see this ka named Ian once he passed from my view. But he began humming some tune, and I heard the crunch of mattress springs beneath tons of pressure. I didn’t want him to find me awake. But I preferred he didn’t fall asleep and leave me in constant anxiety for two or three hours either. Aria, you would be so proud of me. Or shocked at my daring, perhaps both. I didn’t know if the boy would see it, but I lifted my right arm despite the pain. I waved my hand back and forth above the edge of the towel.

I felt quite foolish for a moment; I was waving down a behemoth. But it soon had its intended effect.

“Oh!” said a quiet voice.

The mattress springs complained again as the giant rose to his feet, and deep footsteps brought the Iatvi into view. He hadn’t changed in appearance, although I didn’t quite know why I expected him to change. Maybe my imagination had turned him into a hideous form as I slept. In the dim yellow light that shone from behind him, Ian’s form was shadowed but not over much. I could still see his round pointed chin, bright green eyes, and messy hair that grew past his ears. I could only see his face and part of his shoulders, so I knew I must have been quite high off the floor.

“Hi,” he said to me.

I offered a small wave in reply, blinking to make sure this boy was truly looking down upon me and not someone else.

“How are you feeling? Are you in pain?”

I shrugged my shoulders, which made me wince.

“I’m sorry. I wish I could give you medicine to help, but… Dad isn’t sure how much we could give you. Do the bandages help?”

I nodded.

“Um… Do you need anything, little guy?”

Again, I lifted a cupped hand to my mouth. Recognition lit up his face.

“Oh yeah, I forgot! Wait right here.”

Not that I had much choice. Just as abruptly as he had entered the room, he stepped out, opening his door with a click but not closing it behind him. I heard the footsteps travel a short distance, a door opening, a drawer pulled, and water poured out of a faucet. Ten seconds later, the ka returned, closing his door and coming back into my view.

“Here you go,” said Ian, holding out a large plastic tube to me. “It’s the eyedropper. Drink from this.”

Ian brought the plastic to my mouth, and my lips immediately met with moisture. I inhaled the first enormous drop; I hadn’t had a clean drink of water in two days, minus sickening river water which I had thrown up. A second drop emerged, and I lapped it up with the same voracity. A third, fourth, and fifth drop formed, and I took my time, allowing my desire for water to satisfy. I laid my head backwards as a sixth drop formed, which caught me off-guard thinking it would spill across my chest. But Ian watched the procedure closely, and the drop withdrew back into the plastic.

“Is that all?” Ian asked. “Do you want more?”

I raised a finger up.

“One more?”

I pushed my hand forwards a few times.

“Oh. I’ll wait. Sorry.”

So much ‘dev’ from this boy. Perhaps I wasn’t an animal to him after all. Once I regained my composure and felt there was room in my stomach for more, I waved at him.

“More? Okay.”

The plastic lowered and produced a droplet, which I sucked up with gratitude. I did the same with the second, the third, and the fourth. I then raised my hand to make the water stop. Now, I thought to myself, what do Iatvi do? I lifted my hand, formed a fist, but left my thumb extended. Foreign to me, but very satisfying to Ian.

“Yay,” he said. “That’s great. Is there anything else I can do? Are you cold? Hot? Lift up your arm.”

I did so, and the boy took it in his fingers.

“Hmm. What about here?”

He confirmed it by feeling my stomach with his forefinger (I lost a bit of air as he pressed down), and then lightly squeezed my bare feet. It was then I knew for sure that I had lost my ratty shoes. I didn’t much care anymore; they had offered very little protection anyway. I was just grateful I still wore any article of clothing at all.

“Yeah, you’re cold. Do you want me to get you another towel?”

My hand waved a negative and fell back down to my side. Despite my dizziness and bare body, I was fairly comfortable.

“You’re sure?”

I nodded.

“Um, let’s see…” he whispered, lowering his eyes to my level. I turned my head as best I could, and finally saw the light of his eyes beneath his dark pencil-thin eyebrows. I’m not going to lie… it was slightly horrifying. “Dad says to make sure your patient stays comfortable. And he said that sometimes a distraction can help lessen pain. If you want, you can watch a movie on my TV. And I can watch with you to make sure you’re okay.”

Again, I knew what a movie was, if only because of the word. The thought that this Iatvi would actually turn one on for me to watch amazed me. My eyes grew wide, and I gave him a halfway shrug. At least, until my slow mind comprehended what the boy was offering me. I quickly nodded to override my shrug.

“Yeah? Cool. Uh, hang on, let’s see how I can do this…”

Ian looked around his room for a moment, and then stepped outside again. His thundering footsteps grew quiet, then I heard him faintly shout to someone. For a moment, everything was silent. Then, a door closed very far away, and Ian’s footsteps boomed towards me until he entered the room and shut his door behind him again. He passed me by, and then sounded as if assembling something wooden and metallic. I had no idea what to make of it, so I remained still.

Ian appeared into my view.

“Here you go, I got you a chair,” he said. “You’ll have the best seat in the house. It’ll be like sitting in your own theater.”

I only knew of ‘theaters’ by the word. But if it had anything to do with movies, they must have been fantastic places to visit. I nodded, not fully understanding but remaining hopeful.

“Okay, here you go,” Ian said, his gigantic hands appearing above me. One hand descended beneath my right side, and the other crossed over me beneath my left. Suddenly, I was airborne, descending into a deep unfamiliar room… until me and my towel bedding came to rest upon a flat surface. It certainly felt more comfortable to be seated upwards. I looked up as Ian’s hands disappeared, and I witnessed the largest and darkest rectangle in the world. I had never seen a television before.

To my surprise, the descent wasn’t what frightened me: it was the giant that towered over me that drew my horrified gaze. Dressed in a plain gray tank top and athletic shorts, I could see from his knees all the way up to his head. It was like looking through some strange mirror or frame that elongated this child, making him appear as tall as a building. But no. In reality, I was lying prone, completely under the control of this very real Iatvi boy.

But contrary to any tale I had ever heard about the Iatvi, this boy named Ian didn’t pose a threat to me. His size did, sure. But his demeanor did not.

For a moment, Ian crossed in front of me and took some device in his hand. A pair of bright blue words flashed upon the black screen as the television turned on. It made no sound, but an illustration of a television crossed back and forth across the screen in random directions telling us both that the device was active.

“Okay,” Ian said, stepping towards the shelves that hung from the wall. “I’ve got a couple of movies. Star Wars? Lord of the Rings? Maybe a Disney movie?”

I had no idea what any of those words meant. I almost shrugged again, but then an idea emerged in my mind: I had a very important question to ask, and I had come to the realization that there was only one way to ask it. I raised my hand to stop the boy. Before he could ask why, I pressed my fingers together and wobbled them back and forth against the palm of my opposite hand. I watched Ian’s face for any sign that he understood.

Ian cocked his head to the side.

“You want to… write something?” he asked.

I nodded.

“Oh!” The boy snapped his fingers. “You can’t speak, but you can write! Why didn’t I think of that? Hang on, what can I use…?”

Ian stepped away from my view, and the sounds I heard resembled rummaging through a filled drawer. He spoke to himself in the meantime.

“No, not a pen… Too big. Pencil’s too big, too. Marker? Nah, they’re all dry. Crayon? Oh!”

Something snapped, delicate but clear. More rummaging. Then Ian reappeared standing tall, and bent down to get a better look at me.

“Here you go.”

His hand approached me, and between his fingers was a short gray stick a bit thinner than my thumb and twice as long as my hand. I recognized it immediately, as I had used them many times: it was the lead of what the Iatvi called a “mechanical” pencil. I took it gladly.

“And here, you can use these.”

With his other hand, he placed a thick pad of light-green paper that fit neatly in my lap. I’d used these as well: “sticky” notes. My family generally used them not only as writing material, but as a source of adhesive that came off easily enough with a sharp thin knife.

I began writing my question when there came a knock at Ian’s door. I panicked somewhat when Ian said: “Hi.”

I looked, and a familiar face looked in.

“Ian?” asked Ian’s father. “Is our patient awake?”

“Yep,” Ian said. “I was going to have him watch a movie, but he knows how to write.”

The Iatvi’s face brightened.

“That’s wonderful,” he said. “I’d love to join you. Is it all right if I come in?”

“Is that okay?” Ian asked me.

Despite the water I just drank, my throat ran dry. But I nodded all the same.

The Iatvi opened the door and stepped inside. To my surprise, he carried a large wooden stool in one hand. He placed it beside my chair and sat down. Ian leaned backwards and descended to sit on the floor; this, at least, made me feel a little more comfortable having him lower down.

I pressed my hand into my forehead and closed my eyes for a moment. This would have been so much easier with my voice. Slowly, I pressed the graphite to the paper, and aware that the Iatvi would likely not be able to see my regular handwriting, I struck out my first words. I then wrote the question large enough to be seen. It only took me a moment. I tore off the paper from the stack and handed it to Ian, who took it expectantly.

He squinted at the note, and for a moment, I thought I might have to rewrite it. But he spoke.

“Why would… because you were going to die.”

“What does it say?” asked his father.

Ian handed the note over.

“It says, why did you save me?”

The Iatvi above me placed a hand to his chin, and seemed to understand the intent of my question a bit better than the boy.

“Something tells me you don’t have very much experience with people… like us.”

I shook my head.

“What do you mean?” Ian asked.

“I’m not sure he trusts us. He doesn’t know us. I’ve never seen someone like him. You probably didn’t expect to be found by the boys, either. Does that sound right?”

I paused, and wondered if what I wanted to say would be appropriate. I carefully traced letters to paper, pausing for a moment when I realized that they wouldn’t be familiar with my language. I pulled the note from the stack, and hesitated on who I should hand it to. I chose to offer it to Ian’s father.

He took his glasses from his pocket and studied my writing.

“Most of my family,” he read. “…are dead because of humans.”

Ian’s eyes opened wide.


His father remained quiet, and I nodded. Everyone remained silent for a moment.

“You have every reason not to trust us, then,” said the Iatvi.

I looked away, and didn’t move.

“Your whole family?” Ian asked, pulling forwards. “How?”

“Ian,” said the father. “I don’t think that’s our right to ask.”

They looked down upon me, and saw me busily writing. Mother, Father. Little Han and Sareil. My students, your brother. I remembered all of them. What grief I had in me was spent, and I could write about them without pain. I know this was always difficult for you to understand, Aria, but you were one of the only people who really cared about me, and I didn’t care about the rest of them. Writing about them all wasn’t terribly difficult when most of them hated me when they were alive. Ironic, isn’t it? That I lived when so many others died?

I handed the note to Ian’s father.

“‘Mostly sickness,’” he read. “‘Bad water and food. Accidents. Animals.’”

I wrote another.

“‘But I don’t blame you. It’s not your fault.’”

I wrote another; there was little room to say everything.

“You’ve done more for me in one day… does it say… than my family ever did for me?”

I nodded.

“Oh, I’m sure that’s not true,” Ian’s father said.

“Yeah, all we did was pick you up out of the canal,” Ian said.

I frowned. I wrote more.

“‘You don’t know my family’.” The father shrugged. “Well… I suppose we don’t.”

“But that’s sad,” Ian said. “Were you running away from home?”

I wrote.

“They threw me out.’”

“But why?”


I hesitated. They didn’t need to know the whole truth. I put pencil to paper.

“‘My leg doesn’t work well’.” The father frowned. “What do you mean?”

“You can’t walk?” Ian asked.

I wrote more.

“‘I can walk, but not quickly.’ Hmm. Do you know why this happened?”

I wrote.

“‘I was a baby. I became very sick, and my leg stopped working.’ Just one leg?”

I nodded.

“Hmm. I can see. Does your knee bend normally? Or is it a little crooked?”

I wrote: ‘very crooked’.

“Can I lift up your pant leg and take a look?”

I nodded again.

Ian’s father gently grasped my foot with one hand and lifted up my pant leg with the other. I watched his face as he examined it.

“Can you keep it lifted?”

I did my best, but my leg immediately began shaking from the strain.

“Whoa…” Ian whispered. “It looks… backwards.”

“Hmm. Atrophy, too.”

“What’s atrophy?” Ian asked, peering down at my leg along with his father.

“See the muscles of his calf? Can I lift it?”

I nodded, grateful for the relief from shaking. My mind told me to be worried, but at that point, I preferred someone remove my leg altogether and save me the trouble of hauling it around.

“See? It’s atrophied, which means the muscles have shrunk. Or never grew strong.”

‘Atrophy’. That was a new word to me. Now I could describe why my leg was ji kalok ys menn. So skinny and bent.

“It does bend the other way… May I?”

At his request, I quickly shook my head and waved my hands. I could hardly bend it myself without pain, I didn’t want a Iatvi to do so.

“Oh, understood. You’ve never injured your back or your neck? It was just from falling ill?”

I nodded.

“I don’t think it’s cerebral palsy. Maybe multiple sclerosis, but since it’s just his leg, maybe not. I wonder if it was something as simple as polio.”

“Polio?” Ian asked. “What’s polio do? Isn’t that gone?”

“You’re right, it’s nearly gone. It’s a very horrible disease that almost everyone gets immunized for these days. Before immunizations, it used to kill or paralyze thousands of children a year all over the world. You can’t cure it, you can only prevent it. Now it’s nearly eradicated from us humans, but maybe not from them. It’s possible he contracted polio as a child and became paralyzed as a result. Or, just nerve damage and hyper-extension, since he can still feel and move his leg. Right?”

I didn’t know ‘polio’, or any of the other diseases he talked about. Or hyper-whatever. But I knew the word ‘paralyzed’. My left leg wasn’t that bad, I could feel and I could limp.

“How do you move around?” Ian asked me.

Instead of writing it, I extended my arms (wincing at the pain) and ‘walked’ with them, making motions as if someone had placed sticks beneath my underarms.

Ian’s father nodded.

“Crutches,” he said. “You’re a tough one.”

I wrote two words.

“‘I guess’. It’s true.”

“Wait…” Ian said. “With the rain last night… you didn’t swim in that, did you?”

I painfully nodded.

“You can swim with just one leg? Wow.”

“You must have some very strong arms,” Ian’s father said. “Where did you get your injuries?”

“Yeah, how long were you in the water? Did something attack you?”

I held up my hands; too many questions. I wrote. Ian’s father gathered all of my notes in his fingers.

“‘I fell into the water. I hit something sharp.’”

Ian’s father nodded.

“We’re definitely going to have to keep watch on your wounds,” Ian’s father said. “Canal water is dirty stuff, but it’s worse if you hit something rusted. If you get a fever or start to feel sick in any way, you tell us.”

“But he can’t tell us.” Ian said, scratching his shoulder.

“Oh. Hmm. And it’s not easy to shout out loud on paper. Maybe we can find something he can use to make sound with. Like a bell, or something he can hit.”

“That’s a good idea. And I can hear for it if he needs anything.”

“You’ll be his personal nurse, right?”

Ian took a dramatic bow as well as he could from a seated position.

“Yes, sir. Whatever you would like, sir!”

I laughed without sound and shook my head. Though my lack of voice should have been expected by then, it wasn’t. As the two Iatvi motioned away from me to stand, I frowned and closed my eyes. I tried to growl, and to my pleasant surprise, my upper throat could still make a depressing rasping noise. At least it was something.

“Oh,” said Ian’s father, standing immense over me. “You know what? We’ve been incredibly rude.”

“Huh?” asked Ian.

“We’ve completely skipped introducing ourselves,” said the father, placing a hand on Ian’s shoulder. “I’m sure you know him by now, this is Ian. My name is James, James Petersen.”

“Oh yeah. Sorry about that!”

“Can we ask for your name?” James asked.

I nodded gratefully, and wrote one word. Ian took the page from me and read it aloud.

“‘Lenn’. Just Lenn? That’s a cool name.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Lenn. When my wife gets home, I’ll introduce you to her as well. I hope we’ll be able to help you heal, I really do.”

The movie Ian picked out for me was one of the strangest things I’d ever seen. Ian called it ‘science fiction’, two words I didn’t know could be combined. Something about ‘space’, a place that looked like the night sky but up, down, and in all directions. Giant buildings of metal floated through this ‘space’ and attacked each other with shining lights. Walking machines made of gold and silver talked and beeped at one another as if they were speaking their own language, and strange creatures in hoods and glowing eyes did the same. The main characters included a blonde-haired boy from the desert, a princess dressed in white, an enormous growling animal, a clever pilot, and a bearded old man that reminded me of old Orphys; I’m sure you remember him when we used to play near the old trees. The villain of this movie was a demon dressed in black with a deep voice, who wore a frightening mask, and sounded as if a machine breathed for him. The old man and the demon fought using swords made of light. Then, airplanes flew through the sky fighting with colored lights, sparks, explosions. I hoped we would see it together someday. It’s all very exciting, and equally as confusing. I’ve watched it many times since then, and it never becomes less entertaining, but never makes any more sense.

Perhaps the most horrifying idea in the movie was that Iatvi could build a weapon so powerful, it could destroy the entire world. Something called a ‘death star’, although it looked nothing like a star; it looked like a dark-gray circle that could create a green light and make an entire world explode and vanish in less than a few seconds. This shocking event happened halfway through the movie, mind you. I waved at Ian, and quickly wrote him a note asking if any of this was real. He laughed and assured me that it was not.

The movie was absolutely incredible, and looking at the clock on the wall above the television, I could hardly believe two hours had passed. Ian stood in front of the television and removed the movie disk from the machine below.

“Do you want to watch another one, Lenn?” he asked me, placing the movie back onto its place on the shelf.

I sighed. I worried about this moment, but it had finally arrived. I wrote the note, and handed it to him.

“You have to… oh.”

I smiled, pitying myself and my new friend.

“Um… how do you normally do it?”

I wrote another note.

“‘It’s complicated.’” Ian laughed. “I guess that makes sense. Wait right here, I’ll go ask Dad.”

Yes, that was precisely what I wanted: more than one Iatvi to become involved in my bathroom issues. I remember you laughing at me when you helped me when we were young, and it didn’t make me feel any better about my situation. A stool to lean my arms against, a plastic soda cap, and a running stream with which to clean everything. Glamorous it was not, but we didn’t have anything better back then, did we? Before my arrival at the Petersen’s, life had been so chaotic I don’t think I had dedicated time for a break in three days, maybe four.

After a few moments, Ian and James stepped into the room with concerned faces.

“Well, this is a predicament,” James said. “If you had legs to stand on, it would be a different story, huh?”

I quickly wrote a note as my face turned red and handed it to James. He read it.

“No, don’t apologize. We’ve all got to do it. This is all part of the learning experience. You’re our patient, and doctors take care of their patients no matter their difficulties. If Ian’s going to be a doctor someday, he’s got to start somewhere. Right?”

“Right,” he said. “So, what do we do?”

I had no good ideas, besides the thought of making a mess and a total embarrassment of myself. I’m not above that, of course, but I like to avoid it when I can. I listened to them discussing my fate.

“Lifting him up under his arms is not a good plan,” James said. “We don’t want to do more damage to his wounds. Maybe if we had something like a bedpan.”

“A bedpan, yeah,” Ian said. “What if… Do we have any cups or bowls?”

“Not that would be very comfortable for him.”

“What if I just held him up? By his waist? Over the sink, or the toilet?”

I wrote a note faster than I ever had, making both Iatvi pause.

“‘Please no.’ Well, that answers that.”

“Hmm…” Ian hummed, folding his arms and looking at the floor. “Hey Dad, what about your little plastic pill cups? From your work?”

“Might be too small.”

“What about… a spoon?”

James laughed.

“Too shallow. Besides, your mom certainly won’t like that.”

“Well, what else do we have? How about a ladle?”

James shrugged his shoulders in agreement.

“Catherine will like that even less. But I suppose it would be deep enough. The edge might still be a bit painful on his legs, but I guess it’s the best we’ve got right now. Tonight after your mom gets home I’ll go shopping. Maybe a child’s bedpan will work, if I can find one.”

“Does that sound good, Lenn?”

I swallowed hard, and attempted to clear my throat; it sounded like a violent gurgle, and hurt intensely. ‘Reluctant’ was a good word for the situation, but it was better than nothing, and things were becoming dire. So I nodded.

The procedure actually resembled what I had to do at the village, except the bucket was a stainless steel ladle with a basin that could have seated my whole body. I’m sure it was all a sight to see, and I’m not sure if I were more ashamed for myself or for the ka that was helping me. No wonder my family had abandoned me; even simple bathroom breaks took me a good half an hour.

I wrote a note to Ian that I would need something to lean my hands against as I went, and that clever boy came back with a flat wooden stick perfect for the job. I had no idea where he produced it, but it turns out that solving problems for someone of my size and difficulties was one of Ian’s specialties. He took me to their bathroom, an expansive chamber filled with bright light and a mirror as wide as the room, off-white tile walls up to Ian’s shoulders, a glass shower, and a white lake-sized bathtub beside it.

He placed my bedding on the counter. Then, he placed the wood in the middle of the ladle basin and held it there tightly while simultaneously keeping the ladle centered and balanced. With his other hand, and with my permission, he grasped my whole body with his hand about my waist and lifted me into position. My bottom aimed downwards, my hands on the wood kept me upright, and my legs dangled uselessly over the edge of the ladle. I was practiced enough to proceed without further assistance, and I’m sure you can guess the rest.

Sorry if my description of all of this seems inappropriate. But I want you to understand the extraordinary kindness these Iatvi showed to me on the very first day under their care. I’m sure you know what I mean, knowing my mother. She never cared to teach me anything, and took no notice when I learned how to live life without any help. And you know my father, always out with the gatherers and keeping his head down while at home. I suppose I don’t blame him. I did the same thing, until I was old enough to not remain at home. After all, you know how much time I spent at the school and the garden. By the time Han and Sareil were born, I had fallen so far from my parent’s good graces that my position as a teacher at the school was the only thing keeping me fed.

Ian surprised me, though: he locked the bathroom door for privacy and turned away from me as I did my business. With my voice gone, anything could have happened; falling in, for instance. Wouldn’t that have been thrilling? But nothing happened, and life carried on.

One important thing I must mention: having a near infinite supply of toilet paper available at any time of the day is a luxury I wish all of our people could experience. Laugh at me all you want. It’s still the best thing ever.

Memoir #2 – The New Face of West Virginia, October 23rd, 2102

I remembered something called the “sky”. As dimly as the lights in the vault. As dimly as I remembered writing my name on paper for the first time, a big blue ceiling with a bright lightbulb during the day, an endless sea of stars at night. In the exit presentation, Vault Boy reminded us not to stare at the sun or risk permanent blindness. Sure, I thought. Looking right at a lightbulb is kinda dumb. When that great vault door opened, sunlight streamed into the suffocating steel-and-concrete room like an endless flood. I couldn’t keep my eyes open. Instinctively, I dug into my tool bag strapped around my shoulder to grab my welder’s goggles. Though tinted green through the lenses, I knew I stared into a wall of pure white.

Everyone around me hugged their loved ones or held hands tightly. Some tears were shed. Some prepared to exit the vault with the solemnity of a funeral march. No matter their individual feelings, one thing was emphatically certain: Vault 76 was closed for business, and all the Mr. Handys cheered us on to remind everyone of the fact. Every single dweller crowded inside the atrium cheered as the machinery pulled the gigantic cog aside. With the door open, the air was sheer electricity. 

Liz and Liam came to stand by me as the metal catwalk extended. I noticed (as much as I could with welding goggles on) that they both holstered weapons. Liz, a custom-machined six-shooter, and Liam, a brand-new automatic AER9 laser rifle. With my baseball bat tied to my backpack, I suddenly felt very naked. Liam also had a walking stick of sorts, a surprisingly well-kept wooden cane that I’d never seen before.

“Whoa. Liam, that’s a real nice-”

I then felt my goggles fly off my head.

“Don’t be a pansy,” Liam growled, handing me back my eyewear by shoving it against my chest. “The sooner you get used to sunlight, the better.”

“You even remember what the sun feels like?” Liz asked me.

“Sorta,” I mumbled.

Vault staff busily prepared individual teams and approved travel destinations while we stood behind the expectant crowd, so we had some time to examine our new equipment.

The heaviest by far was our C.A.M.P. units. We had been instructed in their use in bimonthly meetings, but to finally have one of my own felt incredibly satisfying. The size of a piece of luggage, I deployed it for just a moment to check out its functionality. A workbench all its own, the C.A.M.P. came with a rotary tool, a small inlaid table saw, a lathe, and a drill press. With a display screen much like my Pip-Boy, the C.A.M.P. came pre-programmed with schematics for machining everything from tools and basic electronics to laboratory equipment and everyday appliances. There were even instructions on how to make stuffed animals. 

I noticed one in particular and chuckled; what kind of deal did Vault-Tec have with Radiation King to include detailed instructions on how to repair and replicate their televisions and refrigerators? Or Nuka-Cola with instructions to build their vending machines? I found the thought of a vault filled with company executives just waiting to retake their brands in the nuclear wasteland entertaining.

“What do you think of these perk cards?” Liz asked, flipping through the multi-colored and laminated packets. Wrapped in crisp cellophane, these “cards” measured about four by six inches; some were thin while others were thick enough to be books. Thinking back, of course Vault-Tec would call them “perk cards” — let’s make post-war life collectable! Regardless, each showed Vault Boy performing many different activities. Shooting rifles, mending armor, hauling heavy loads, haggling with merchants. Liz opened one titled “Home Defense” and discovered these cards were, in fact, compact instructional manuals that detailed how to develop the specific skills depicted on the cover. “Wow. Look, there’s codes for our C.A.M.Ps to build military turrets. Biometric sensors. 5.56 and AER9, everything. Missile launchers even? Now that’s living.”

Liam peered over Liz’s arm to look, remaining silent but appearing interested.

I thumbed through my own cards and came across one that looked simple enough to start with: “Inspirational”. I unwrapped the plastic and opened the front cover. From its own description: “Travelling alone in the wilderness? No longer! Become a stalwart leader and ‘inspire’ your group of fellow survivors towards a better tomorrow!” The perk card described ways to rely on your companions as well as boost their morale and talents in times of need. “Feel a boost of confidence and discover all new experiences,” it said. “Learn from your companions as they learn from you! In no time, you’ll be ready to take on even greater challenges. The future is in your hands!”

I shrugged. Might as well start with that. If the little “perk card” could teach me how to learn from Liam and Liz’s skills, I’d take that advice any day.

At last, the crowd began to move forwards, and our fellow vault dwellers stepped into the outside world for the first time in twenty-five years. Liam showed our route to the overseer’s assistant, and I passed him to walk into the warm rays of the sun. Like stepping in front of a gentle radiator, I did exactly what Vault Boy instructed me not to do: I looked upwards at the sun. Now filled with radiation, I stopped and waited for the red mass in my sight to fade. Liz laughed and patted my shoulder. Leading me forwards, I soon saw the most glorious image I had ever seen before: the whole of Appalachia. Maple trees whose red and orange leaves fluttered in a gentle breeze, the baby-blue sky that went on and on, and distant rain clouds creating a veil of grey some miles south. In the distance I could see the colossal digging machines that once excavated Mount Blair. I’d never imagined the great Appalachian mountain range and West Virginia’s forests would be so beautiful. I’d seen such sights in the holovids, sure, but nothing compared to seeing it in person.

Now no longer completely blind, I realized the first hint of the world I’d stepped into: the railing upon which I laid my hands flaked with red-iron stains, leaving rust on my fingers. The mighty billboard some meters to my right stood, but only barely, as the metal struts had deteriorated greatly. I looked around me, and saw stone benches chipped, broken, and storm weathered. The poles that once gave light were entirely rusted and useless, their bulbs shattered. Even the hills surrounding the plaza had collapsed, covering the concrete floor in rocks and piles of soil-wash.

All the now-previous inhabitants of Vault 76 grouped together and gazed in awe of the outside world. Just as before, some trembled at the cool autumn air, some celebrated, and some were already breaking off and heading west. As I saw them depart, I lifted up my Pip-Boy to my view and checked out the Geiger counter and health screen. I half-expected to be glowing within half an hour, but I heard no clicking, and Vault Boy was as happy as I’d ever seen him.

“So this is what we have to work with,” Liz said, doing the very same thing with her Pip-Boy. She lowered it and looked outwards to the horizon.  “Huh. I expected worse.”

“We haven’t seen anything yet,” Liam said, joining us with his regular step-clank limp. “Sure, it looks pretty, but I’m more worried about what lives out there.”

“That’s what we have you for, Peters.”

“And that’s what I have you for, Liz,” Liam said emphatically. “And you, Greg. I’ll have your back, and I expect you both to have mine.”

“You bet. We’re a crew, right?” I said.

Liz laughed.

“Right,” she said with a grin. “We got a name for this crew of ours? Oughta make it official.”

Liam rolled his eyes.

“If that’s the kind of crew I’m in, I’ll go back inside and leave you to it.”

“Come on, Liam, don’t be a bulkhead, ” I said. “Hey, what about the Bulkheads?”

“Nah, you’ll make us sound stupid. Hmm. How about the 76ers?”“I’m pretty sure that’s the name of a baseball team.”

“And I’m pretty sure you’re thinking of the 46ers. Austin, Texas, I think.”

“Ah, whatever. Besides, we wouldn’t stand out from all the others. How about the Operators? Like, operating heavy machinery?”

“You’re gonna make us sound all mafia-like. Don’t you remember ‘Dully Williams and the Gangsters of Villa Nueva’? Like we’re ‘operating’ a laundering scheme or something.”

“Oh yeah. Forgot about that vid. I liked that one.”

“Oh hell, you two,” Liam said, taking a step away from us cane-first. “We’re burning daylight. Talk about your dumb little names on the road.”

We headed towards the stairs that led east when we began hearing screaming. Over the railing, I saw the lower plaza level (where the Mr. Handy named Pennington had set up happy yellow-and-blue balloons) and quickly recognized the cause: a rotting corpse of a man lay at the stairs besides the enthusiastic robot. One vaulter, Julian Colter, I believe, held people back from the body as the groups continued to the dirt path down the stairs.

“Poor bastard,” Liam said, looking below with me. “Probably looking for safety in the vault.”

“But there’s no way he died twenty-five years ago.”

“Nah, he’s probably a survivor what got his ass handed to him by someone else with a gun,” Liz said. “Or sickness, maybe. The meetings always said critters would turn into radioactive monsters, but I don’t know if I believe it. Rabid, sure, but full of rads?”

“Come on, people, keep it moving,” Colter said, waving my fellow vaulters on. When one older woman expressed pity, he added: “Don’t worry, our group will come back and bury the poor fellow. Keep moving.”

When it was our turn to pass, I got a good look at him. Wearing ratty clothing, the man’s skin had turned a bluish-green, what remained of his hair matted beneath a red leather cap. His smell caught my nostrils as I passed, and I nearly gagged. Fortunately, it’s a smell I would soon become very accustomed to.

“Yup, recent,” Liam said. “I doubt Pennington even noticed him when setting up the damn balloons.”

“Arrivederci!” Pennington shouted to the departing vault dwellers, all but confirming Liam’s theory. “Au revoir! Auf wiedersehen! Goodbye, my friends! Good luck out there! Stay safe!”

“I miss Sparks already,” Liz said with slight contempt in her voice.

“Come on, Sonny, we’ll find another Mr. Handy out here somewhere. You’ve still got his memory chip, right?”

“Yup. Don’t worry, kiddo. We’ll have a mechanical army soon enough.”

I gave Liz a face behind her back as we continued past the deceased man.

“Enough with the kiddo kid junk. You ever going to stop calling me that?”

“Nope, never will.”

For thirty minutes, most of Vault 76 continued down the steep trail that led towards the 88 highway. As far as switchbacks go, it shouldn’t have been difficult. But at that time of my life, the most cardio I did on a regular basis was a few hours in the vault gym every week. Sure, I wasn’t out of shape, but I had never walked on uneven ground in my entire life, much less did so with a fifty-pound pack on my back. By the time we reached semi-flat earth, I wished I had brought one of the vault sweatbands with me.

Hiking through the trees and smelling pure nature for the first time is something I’ll never forget and never stop enjoying. I’ll be honest: the Forest is the only place I’ll consider setting up my C.A.M.P. anymore. Every part of West Virginia is beautiful, but only the Forest provided good hunting and relatively radiation-free soil. The water’s terrible. But then again, the water’s terrible everywhere. At least the lurks won’t jump out and snap your head off. Just your fingers, maybe. But I digress.

Checking my fold-up Vault-Tec-brand map of the area, it seemed like we’d run across a lumber mill of sorts. A place where wood was processed into planks used in house construction. I only knew this from the holotapes.

The group that stayed together and traveled east down the path numbered about one-hundred or so. A bunch of blue-and-gold wide-eyed vault dwellers: the perfect target.

Entering the mill yard, most of the group remained very quiet. Some kept the group together, leading them forwards. Then, ever the leader, Colter stood upon an abandoned wood pile and turned to address us.

“This is where we begin our reclamation,” he said. “Once we power this mill, we will have all the construction materials we need to rebuild, providing homes and shelter for all of us.”

He might have been right. The lumber mill even included yellow protectrons with saws and clamps for appendages that continued harvesting the nearby woods, declaring a needless intent to: “Chop wood. Chop wood. Chop wood.” No doubt they’d been working for the last twenty-five years by the amount of wood waiting to be processed. To a burly 76er nearest to it, it plopped a pile of wood into his arms with the words: “Please, enjoy this complimentary sample of wood.”

“Those might work,” Liz said with a grin, whispering over Colter’s continuing speech. “What do you think? We’d have all the materials we’d need to build our garage.”

“Wood, though?” I said with a grimace. “I was thinking straight to metal and concrete.”

Liam, behind us, scanned what remained of the treeline.

“I don’t like it. This place. It’s too exposed.”

“Exposed to what?” Liz asked.

“Everything,” he replied. “Gunfire, radioactive freaks. Whatever’s out there could see us for half a mile.”

Liz and I also turned to look, and the old man was right.

Very, very right.

Colter’s speech was then immediately hushed as the entire crowd gasped in awe of a figure emerging from the treeline. Then another. Then another. From the back of the group, I couldn’t get a proper look at them. But everyone else did.

“Survivors!” declared some voices. “Are they dressed?” said two or three.

“Hello!” Colter said with a grand swing of his arms. “Hello my fellow survivors! We are inhabitants of Vault 76, here to reclaim the wasteland and restore America to its former glory! Please, don’t be afraid, we are peaceful!”

At first, the three, then four, then five figures did not advance. They seemed to view us timid dwellers with great interest. For a minute or so. Murmurs of unrest rose from my fellows.

“Grab your bat, Greg,” Liam said, untying my weapon from my pack and latching his cane to his hip. As I readied myself for a melee, I heard the soldier insert a micro-cell into his laser rifle, making an electric click-bwee that told me that safeties were off.

“You don’t think they’re hostile,” Liz asked quietly.

“I know they are,” Liam said. “Come on, this way. We’ll wide circle around them and head for Flatwoods once we can’t see ‘em.”

We three broke from the group, heading north and keeping to the edge of the treeline. Off the path, the terrain grew steeper, and I stumbled more than a few times. Fallen and unretrieved logs made hiking difficult. I looked back, and saw many 76ers watch us retreat; more than a few I recognized from security made to the lumber mill interior in front of the large crowd, raising and preparing their own weapons.

“Please, come forward! We would like to make peace with you and your-”

One of the security staff grabbed Colter by the arm and brought him down, no doubt whispering to him of the potential danger.

The six, the seven, and the eight figures emerged from the trees and began to walk forwards. Security held their ground behind the processed logs while the group itself began to shuffle away from them. A growl called out from the forest, and three more human-like creatures appeared very close to us, limping down the trail we’d just descended.

Then, the screaming. God, the screaming. I’ve heard it hundreds of times since, but I’ll never forget the first mindless screech of the ghouls surrounding us. They descended upon the crowd from the south, nineteen, twenty-five, thirty-seven. I’m only guessing at the numbers, but I don’t exaggerate: they heard us all, and they came like a tidal wave of fury.

Security opened fire. The naked and emaciated husks of humanity fell easily enough, but two replaced each one that fell. The front of the group became the first victims. Ghouls jumped and tore at my fellow vault dwellers with diseased claws and gnarled teeth. Many of the vault dwellers weren’t equipped with weapons, and so fell to the wave of terror. Sure, our vault suits protected us from bites and scratches, but that’s not where the ghouls were aiming. Blood and flesh flew into the air as they ripped into necks, hands, anything exposed. Some fought back successfully, shoving the ghouls back. Many did not. The second layer of vault dwellers, at least the men, grappled with the monsters and attempted to save their fellows and loved ones. Some were successful, the more prepared 76ers clobbering and slashing the fiends with security batons and makeshift machetes we’d crafted in maintenance. The least fortunate were tackled by three, four, and five ghouls, brought to the ground and ripped apart.

Layer by layer, the ghouls flung themselves at my fellow vault dwellers as they retreated into the mill. Security continued their fire, but bullets only did so much to the horde. Those inside the mill held their own. Those less lucky holed up inside the ruined building beside it to the south. I never saw what happened to them.

“Come on, come on!” Liam hissed, his robotic leg having trouble through the brush. “Come on, get into the trees, quickly now.”

More than distracted, I watch the scene unfolding. Bloodied bodies strewn upon the ground marked the ghouls’ advance. Security’s defence seemed to waver as gunfire peppered in and out. The more intelligent and fortunate groups fled through the mill and east. I couldn’t see anything else besides the monsters entering the mill with shrieks of madness. They don’t devour the dead for sustenance; they simply attack for rage’s sake, and I witnessed that first hand.

“Don’t look back, boy, don’t look back,” Liam said to me, waving me on. I obeyed.

The ghouls didn’t see us. Pure luck. Maybe my S.P.E.C.I.A.L. test had been right about me.

Greg Villander Memoir #1, The Vault – A Fallout 76 Story

First thing’s first: I entered Vault 76 at the age of five. My mother was a famous opera singer, and my father was First Chair violinist for the National Symphony Orchestra in D.C.. Somehow, Dad convinced Vault-Tec that I was some musical prodigy that could rattle off Rachmaninoff with one hand tied behind my back. Turns out they didn’t even question it. We almost got chosen for Vault 92 because of my parents’ musical expertise. Someone named Professor Malleus insisted upon it. But, for some reason, we were instructed to stay in West Virginia near Vault 76 until a decision could be made.

When the bombs dropped, Dad told me he and Mom were positively terrified that we would be denied entry to the vault because of our representative’s indecision. But, believe it or not, our names were on the list, and the soldiers ushered us through the giant cog of a vault door.

My musical deception made it through orientation, settling into our living quarters, and three minutes before my music teacher assignment. I’ll never forget the look on Dad’s face as I was asked to play the first of Bach’s Fifth. I plunked the keys on the piano as if I were learning to type on a computer keyboard. Needless to say, the vault teachers that thought I was a piano prodigy for the ages were furious. The vault staff harshly rebuked my parents. I don’t remember the specifics of the shouting match. But, of course, they couldn’t just throw me out.

So, at first, the vault personnel sent me to the only job a non-best-of-the-best was suited for: waste disposal.

Down in 76, pre-war prestige didn’t mean much. But waste disposal? Mom cried every evening I came home covered in who-knows-what, and I’ve never seen my Dad so mad. He shouted at the busy staff for four days as I sat in the smelly innards of 76, spending most of my time crying and getting in the way of Mr. Handys. He demanded to speak to the overseer, but seeing that the vault had just gone into full service, he was repeatedly told the overseer had no time for his, and I quote, “talentless parasite”. At last, and with enough noise to pierce thick steel walls, the overseer was called down. She immediately realized putting a child down there was a mindless and ridiculous idea, even if said child was “smuggled” in. After rebuking the vault staff as harshly as they had my Dad (much to his delight), her compromise was to ask if vault maintenance would take me on as an ‘apprentice’ of sorts. The decision changed the course of my life. Mr. Donovan, Ms. Sonny, and Sparks (our custom Mr. Handy) became my second family, and the workshop on the third floor became a home away from home (even if my two homes were only a couple dozen meters away).

I learned everything there is to know about building a water purifier with my eyes closed, how to scrap a Corvega engine from the bare block and back, and fix faulty wiring when the lights went out. The best and the brightest, right? I’m not one to toot my own horn, but if I had been old enough to work for Vault-Tec before the War, they would have told me to slow down. I learned arithmetic by the millimeter, reading from nights staring at green lines of programming text, leadership skills from projects Mr. Donovan entrusted to me, and, yes, music from the rhythmic hum of a well-tuned nuclear generator. And to you Mr. Jonsen, you flat-footed germ of a man, it was me who fixed your busted Pip-Boy week after week. How you managed to get Fancy Lad snack cake crumbs behind the circuit board always astounded me.

I regularly brought up equipment like soldering irons, silicon boards, and vacuum tubes up to my room, even when the overseer cracked down on maintenance for working on personal projects. I impressed her and the vault staff, though, when I replicated a water chip by myself from studying a real one. She even allowed me to test it on water purifier number four. To my great relief, it did not blow any fuses (of which, Sparks regularly reminded me, we only had a finite amount). While Mr. Donovan reckoned it would only last a few weeks on its own before it burned out, I made a name for myself with that little stunt. By the time I was sixteen, I’d gone from apprentice to vault maintenance assistant to Mr. Donovan.

You’d think the older mechanics and electricians would look down on me for my age and inexperience. On the contrary, I was treated more than fairly by Donovan, Sonny, Franklin, Eugene, and all the rest. It was the other inhabitants of the vault that looked down on me and all of maintenance. For this reason, we all kept to each other for the most part.

The only other inhabitant of the vault I ever became friends with was Liam Peters, the security guard that kept the peace in the maintenance wing. He was in his late twenty’s back then (his wife had been nine years older; I still don’t know why that was so scandalous to others). When there was no peace to enforce (which was often), we talked a lot about pre-war life. Well, he did most of the talking, and I the asking questions. He wasn’t a normal vault dweller. For one, he had been a private during the actual Battle of Anchorage. For second, he had an honest-to-God metal leg identical to an assaultron from the RobCo technical manual that replaced his entire left leg. No wonder we had the manual! 

During the final push to retake the oil refinery on the outskirts of the city, he took a bullet that shattered his left hip. He was, quote, “on the battlefield until the god damn end”. Gangrene took his upper leg, and there was no saving the lower for the upper. For his service, and because of his particular injury, the “RobCo Valiant Service Reconstruction Project” offered him a chance to walk on two feet again, and he accepted. 

“If I had known what a piece of shit this leg of mine would be,” he said. “I would have chosen crutches.”

Again, because of his service, he accepted the offer for a place in Vault 76, so long as his wife was admitted as well. The only reason they agreed was because Mrs. Donna Peters was secretary to one Nicholas O’Leary who was a West Virginian Representative. Apparently, O’Leary gave a glowing endorsement, and that’s all it took.

And then she died in 79’. Hemorrhagic stroke. The first death in Vault 76, and she was only 39.

From the moment I met Liam, I knew why he patrolled the maintenance wing: if anything happened to that leg of his, no one in the Vault could easily carry him to the elevators (his robot leg weighed seventy pounds alone). His quarters were right next to the elevator as well, and he could always radio us for assistance. He carried a fusion power pack on his hip to power the thing, so the battery was never the issue. It was the chain-wheel assembly that pressurized the actuators. The chain would always slip no matter how many times we sharpened the wheel gears, and he’d be “limping” into the shop at least once every two or three weeks. Still, he had a hell of a right hook when hot-headed maintenance guys got into fights, and he stepped on more than a few toes (literally, not figuratively) to keep everything on the level.

Vault 76, with all of its politicians, soldiers, artists, inventors, biologists, they all grew older, and some of the more posh became wary of Reclamation Day. No one said so out loud, but the thought of leaving the vault to “reclaim” the nuclear wastes of the outside world brought a nervous air to every meeting and every presentation.

But not me. I couldn’t wait. Neither could many of my maintenance friends; a world with few survivors meant a near unlimited supply of tools, parts, and equipment. Every member of the hydroponics team were thrilled at the prospect of studying post-war flora and water radiation levels. Even the lead physician seemed keen on the great day, even though Dr. Madison acknowledged that there would be no end of patients eager for medical assistance. There were many vaults in West Virginia, and connecting with them would make reclamation all the easier.

My parents were also nervous, but seeing my enthusiasm, they softened to the idea of bringing culture to any survivors on the outside. After all, surely some had survived the awful twenty-five years of post-war life. Dad would play his violin for crowds once more, and my mother’s voice would soothe the weary souls of travelers and vault dwellers alike.

And then Dad passed away. Three years before Reclamation Day. His death devastated Mom, and my dreams of building a post-war home for him faded in an instant. A heart attack, Dr. Madison said. He was 67 in 99’. Mom mourned for an awful long time, and returning home every night from the workshop became depressingly dark. Like Liam, the loss a spouse made survival inside a vault feel meaningless. A bleak future outside, emptiness inside. Her health took a turn for the painful, as even Dr. Madison didn’t have the resources to perform a hip replacement. 

Mom took her own life in March of 2102. Overdose on painkillers and alcohol. Willingly or accidental, no one could say.

But I knew.

No longer part of a family, the overseer moved me to a smaller single living quarters, and Mr. Donovan allowed me time off to grieve. I feel ashamed to say that I didn’t require much time. I had already done my grieving for Dad, and living with Mom, so lifeless in comparison… She didn’t even sing anymore after Dad died.

Reclamation Day came faster than everyone expected. The night before the fraptious day, the whole vault partied hard. It lasted well into the night and early morning. I listened to the cheers of the vault soccer teams playing one last game, heard the toasts with 76’s remaining stock of bourbon and wine, and smelled hamburgers and fresh-baked apple pies. But I was upstairs in my quarters, writing in my journal. I had filled my backpack with all of my tools and projects. I wasn’t depressed, exactly. But when Liam knocked on my door to see why I wasn’t at the party, he sat down and we talked for a while.

Seeing my map laid out on my desk, he asked me where I planned to go.

“I’m not sure,” I said glumly. “See if there’s a trader in Flatwoods who likes fusion batteries, trade them for some food, and head to my parent’s old apartment.”

“An empty stomach and a baseball bat,” Liam said with a smirk, eyeing my “weapon” that leaned against my dresser. “Doesn’t sound like much of a plan.”

“Dad and Mom always told me they left things there when they ran to the vault. I figure it’s as good a start as any.”

“Well, we’ll have to buy you a 10-mil. No use getting killed by some mangy dog before you get there.”

I couldn’t speak for a moment.

“…you-you’re coming with me?”

“Are you joking?” he said with a laugh. “You think I can fix my leg out there on my own? Donovan’s an old coot, Sparks ain’t comin’, and who knows what Sonny’s plans are. You’re the only one I trust.”

That’s when the crying part happened.

About two hours into our conversation and planning session, I heard another knock on my door. The bulkhead opened, and Sonny looked right at me with her regularly intense stare. On her shoulder was her tool bag.

“You prepping for tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” I said.

“Why?” Liam asked. “You plan on beating us to Charleston?” 

“No,” Sonny said. “I’m coming with you. And I don’t care what you say.”

Again, I couldn’t say a word. I hardly expected this. Who would follow a 30-year old into the West Virginia wilderness armed with only scrap parts and a baseball bat?

“Are you serious?”

“Hah! You think you can just barge in here and demand a place on our crew?” Liam asked, folding his arms.

“Hah, crew? Two ain’t a crew. Three’s a crew.”

“It does take two people to fix your leg,” I said to the grizzled soldier.

Liam peered at Sonny.

“You’re good with a wrench, I’ll give you that. Almost as good as the kid. But what else you bringing to the table? Two car mechanics and a washed-up private doesn’t make for much survival.”

“Thought you might say that.”

Sonny then opened her bag and produced two pressurized needles filled with crimson life-restoring liquid. There were many, many more inside.

“Whoa, stimpacks? Where did you get those?”

“They ain’t giving these out until tomorrow,” Liam gruffed. “You think you can bribe us with meds? Besides, you probably stole ‘em from the clinic. That don’t make you a medic.”

“I’ll have you know I got these legitimate-like. I’ve worked with Dr. Madison more than a few times. I even helped with surgery once. I reckon I can heal bullet wounds better than anyone in this vault. Save for Mr. Madison, of course.”

“You ‘reckon’?” Liam asked. “Now that sure fills me with confidence.”

“Hey, there’s safety in numbers, right?” I said. “Three C.A.M.P.s are better than two.”

“We really plan on camping, huh?”

“Absolutely,” I said. “Say we set up right next to each other, put up some walls, rig up a motion alarm, and we’ll have a fortress we can call home. Heck, we could even set up shop next to the power plant outside Charleston. We could use the power, and I’ll bet that place is full of supplies.”

“So long as you bring a hazmat suit,” Sonny said. “But that does sound like a good idea. I’ve always wanted to see the inside of an actual nuclear power plant. Provided some yokel with a gun ain’t beat us to it.”

“True, kid. I can guarantee the folks left in the capital have restored power already.”

“Then let’s help ‘em out. What do you think? Build a garage, get paid, and run the best machine shop this side of the Ohio River!”

Sonny gave her own peculiar sideways grin, and Liam shrugged.

“I’ve heard worse plans,” he said. “Better than the one you started with.”

“I’m definitely up for it,” Sonny said. “Heh, you’ve always been the one with your metal head in the clouds. No wonder Donovan picked you as his assistant.”

“And you’ve been the troublemaker, ‘Liz,” Liam said. “Don’t make me play the discipline committee out there.”

“Says the tin man with bullets in his brain,” Sonny teased. She then smiled. “This oughta be fun.”

Responders Nuka-Cola Plant Journal – a Fallout 76 Short Story

A holotape discovered by Vault 76 survivors in the ruins of the Nuka-Cola Bottling Plant east of Flatwoods on the edge of the Ohio River.

Nuka-Cola Plant Record: written by Erica Daniels.

March 4th, 2078: 

Yes! Absolute jackpot! The moment I saw it on the map, I knew it was the thing we’ve been searching for.  If there is anything that could uplift the spirits of the Responders and the people they’re assisting, it’s a taste of the pre-war world to enjoy. And what’s better than Nuka-Cola? As far as I can tell, all of the machinery is more or less intact. All it’s going to require is a bit of oil to grease up the gears, as many glass bottles as we can find, and a few wrenches to keep it maintained. After all, I’ve heard these bottling machines can be a bit finicky; the bottles jam in the hoppers the moment you stop paying attention.

I blame the bottle designers. Sure, the shape is iconic. But having to clear jams every hour is a pain in the ass.

March 12th, 2078: 

Seventeen crates ready to go! I had one myself, and my Geiger counter spiked. It was perfect!  The selfish part of me tells me to charge for them, considering how rare they are anymore (all of the vending machines in Charleston were looted in the first two weeks), but who would do that, honestly? I mean, it’s not even that paper money has officially lost its value. But there are so many orphans in the city that need some kind of comfort, even if it’s just a bottle of ice cold cola. Well… they might not be ice-cold by the time they get there, but you know what I mean.

To my sheer disappointment, the storage tanks for the Strontium-85 had deteriorated… no, melted. No doubt by the Strontium-85 itself. It was never meant to stay in storage tanks for long, anyway. There was certainly a bright blue glow, but I didn’t dare reprogram the systems to process Nuka-Cola Quantum with contaminated radioactive ingredients. I’ve had a clean one before, and it felt like my brain was being smashed with a fruit-flavored brick… along with my pee glowing blue for a week. I heard people died flavor testing the thing. Sure, they were just rumors, but I’m not about to try getting the recipe wrong on purpose.

I didn’t want to disturb the dust of a deteriorating factory, but curiosity got the better of me. I explored the taste testing booths, and what I found blew me away. I can’t type in the entire non-disclosure or liability papers, but holy hell… They’re pretty brutal. Even donating plasma for the war effort didn’t have this many terms of agreement. And one of the taste results I read? It sounds like the guy ascended into nirvana. No thanks, I’ll keep my mortal mind restrained to reality, I think.

April 2nd, 2078:

Hoo boy, I’m glad I’m all the way out here and not in Morgantown. Heard Captain Larkin and Chief Mayfield have more than a bad feud going on between them. Can’t believe Mayfield fired on students at VTU… I didn’t go to no fancy-schmancy university, but kids are kids. It’s not like a few broken windows and walls of graffiti are going to affect us any worse than the gosh-darn end of the world already has.

Keeping that in mind, I sent fifteen crates (ninety-six bottles times four columns, for those keeping count) up to the University. I made certain to send a message with the boys that the Nuka was for the fire department, the police, and the students. A liquid peace treaty, if you like.

So, for the month of March, that’s ninety-seven crates sent out, forty-three to Charleston, twenty-five to Morgantown, eight to Flatwoods (in exchange for two mechanics and machine parts), seven with the medical teams, six to VTU, and eight given out free to refugees who pass by the factory.

I’m going to be very sad when the ingredients in this factory run out. I’ve seen a lot of faces brighten up to drink Nuka-Cola again. From what I hear, the next closest Nuka Bottling Plant is in D.C., and I’m not about to travel east; from the stories the refugees tell me, the capital got blown to hell and back. I realized that offering irradiated soda to already sickly irradiated people wasn’t a good idea, but just the opportunity of tasting America’s number-one soda again made people happy for the first time in months. These moments make enduring the factory’s lack of air conditioning and constant assembly line malfunctions worth it.

Who knew the Nuka-Cola corporation would become a non-profit?

May 16th, 2078:

Well, it was too good to last. This Tuesday at two o’clock, the red lights came on and the line halted. All of the ingredient tanks were empty, except for one with a peculiar scent of seventeen fruit-flavors and rubbing alcohol. Better yet, when I opened it, an explosion of flies burst out like the damn plagues of Egypt. It wasn’t until I checked the terminal in a panic that I realized that this particular tank was disconnected from the line. A few of the boys saw it happen, and they all swore to secrecy. Dodged a very large bullet there, and I’m not about to tell anyone.

This morning Captain Larkin and her fellow officers stopped by the factory and congratulated us personally. I couldn’t believe it. “It’s not just soda,” she told us. “And it’s more than just morale. It’s a sign that we can bring the world back again with a wrench and a bit of willpower.” That made this whole venture worth it. She even told me that my stubborn captain-of-the-guard brother Tom sent his gratitude; apparently his men loved the factory’s particular post-war taste. 

Anyway, the boys and I cracked open the line’s last bottles of icy cola with Captain Larkin and her group. We sent the last four crates with them as well. And now it’s just clean-up duty. We’ll scavenge what we can and send it off to Charleston.

I wonder where me and the boys will go next. I hear there’s a giant teapot right up the hill, and I’m dying for some authentic sweet tea.

Monorail Elevator Recordings – A Fallout 76 Short Story

Discovered by Vault 76 survivors within the mainframe of the Appalachian Monorail Elevator’s second level. Recording as follows (transcript included).

October 23rd, 8:11 AM.                                                 

AMS would like to inform all passengers that monorail system maintenance has detected a minor fault. All passengers are instructed to remain calm as maintenance has been notified. Expected maintenance wait time is ten to fifteen minutes. The Appalachian Transit Authority thanks you for your continued use of the Appalachian Monorail System.

October 23rd, 9:48 AM.                                                  

AMS would like to inform all passengers that monorail system maintenance has detected an unexpected fault. All passengers are instructed to remain calm as maintenance has been notified. Expected maintenance wait time is two to four hours. The Appalachian Transit Authority thanks you for your continued use of the Appalachian Monorail System.

October 23rd, 9:49 AM.                                                 

AMS would like to inform all passengers of B car that a major fault has been discovered in train car coupler. Expected maintenance wait time is seven to ten days. Counseling will be made available at the next station, courtesy of Hornwright Industries. We remind you to keep all legs, hands, and arms inside the monorail car at all times. The Appalachian Transit Authority thanks you for your continued use of the Appalachian Monorail System.

October 23rd, 11:22 PM.

Alert: all passengers are reminded to please remain in their seats with their legs, hands, and arms inside the cabin at all times. Exit doors should remain closed for your safety. In case of medical emergency, first aid supplies can be found at the front and rear of the car. Counseling will be made available at the next station, courtesy of Hornwright Industries. The Appalachian Transit Authority thanks you for your continued use of the Appalachian Monorail System.

Error: Unable to reset train car exit doors. Maintenance and authorities have been notified.